[Rastaboy]

Hi everyone
I'm a senior in high school and I have a girlfriend dillema!

- long story short I kissed another girl and my girlfriend find out. I apologized and admitted my stupidity. And we made up but the problem now is that she keeps on insisting she only wants to be friends! This is after we kissed after she forgave me.

- so my real question is, should I be friends with her and win her back because that way I know I can but I don't want to be "an option" guy or should I cut contact after a sincere apology and tell her to contact me when she feels like she is ready to fully forgive me?

We have been going out for few month, I really like her and don't want to lose her especially knowing she has done nothing wrong!

----------------------
I went with my guts and sent her a goodbye message cause it was getting hard to meet up with her. I kept it simple and said sorry about what happened and that still want to be with her but since she not ready that I have to move on.

Later she called me twice and then again! I didn't pick up, mainly cause I was in the gym. And then 2 hours later another call. Either way I shouldn't talk to her or respond to her for how long?

[LadySam]

Ok, I got to say it. It's a little hard to tell who is playing games here.
She wants to be friends, but is now calling after you send her an I'm sorry text and then refuse to answer her calls.
Might be best to sit down and talk it out, decide what it is.
Friends will be difficult because you want her back, you either work it out and get past the indiscretion or you call it off and cut contact.
But don't play games with each other, that is very non-productive.

[Rastaboy]

The thing is we did have a talk before this message I sent her. I bought flowers and necklace as a token of my apology and had a long talk. That day she sort of accepted me back and we ended up kissing. Then the next day we were supposed to go somewhere together and she was all like "I can't go you can take her and all" and tells me we can't work.

Plus I'm not trying to play games, I just thought maybe cutting off contact for a week or so will give her time and space to really think about what she wants and be sure if she has forgiven me or not.

[LadySam]

Then it sounds like her mind is made up.
What do you mean by "sort of accepted"

Forgive me if I go offline, my computer is being very temperamental.

Ahhh! I just reread, she said "you can take her", she is still angry with you.
Giving her time if she needs it was not a wrong thing to do, but did you make it clear that was your intention?

[Rastaboy]

Her mind is made up on what? Accept me or stay friends?

And I said sort of because the next day after she kisses me she doesn't actually forgive me and insists being friends is better. But even with that 2 days ago after I told her being friends is not an option and that told her to contact me when she feels like she is ready, she texts me the same night with " I miss you"

Then the next day, same thing again..

Ahhh! I just reread, she said "you can take her", she is still angry with you.
Giving her time if she needs it was not a wrong thing to do, but did you make it clear that was your intention?

Yes I made it very clear we can't be friends. And I agree I think If I give her time she'll be able to accept me back. That is the main reason I am cutting all contact, but seeing she has called me 4 times just right after that goodbye message, I'm wondering when I should respond or call her back?

[LadySam]

Did you get the miss you text before or after your Im sorry text.
She is likely very confused about her feelings right now due to her anger and hurt.

Ok I get the making it clear about not remaining friends, that is not a good idea anyway.
Did you make it clear about wanting her to take time to work out her feelings

[Rastaboy]

The reason I can't be friend with her is because that would mean faking the whole relationship since that's not who she is to me.

But I don't think it's super clear that in giving her time to think but the gest of the sorry message was that I'm saying goodbye in spite of me wanting to be with her but have to move on since she is not ready for me.

[LadySam]

And I respect that reason, it would be very difficult for you.
I'm not sure I have the exact timeline of events, but no matter.
No doubt you both either miss each other or you miss the relationship.
You both have to figure out which it is.
Right now she is probably still angry with you, that is why she acted out the way she did, she was hurt and angry.
Your mind will not be settled until you know one way or the other and the only way to know that is for you two to have a heart to heart.
Don't keep each other in angst, have that talk, so that it is settled.
And stick to your guns on the no friends thing, you'll be glad you did.

[Rastaboy]

Thank you so much. That advice means so much to me! But one last question when should I call or text her to have a talk? I don't want to do it too soon cause I really want both of us to notice and realize how much we need each other.
------
Oh after those calls last night she texted me saying she 'needed me.. '.

... And what sort of things should I say?

[LadySam]

Simply that you feel you need to discuss things.
Then say what is on your heart, without being needy, desperate or whiny, an adult conversation.
Not saying that you would be these things, judging from your posts so far you seem rather mature, just saying that when emotions are involved these irritating things could likely come out.
BTW normally I would say no contact, given that she has said it was over, but I think in your case, until you two come to an understanding of how you each feel no matter what those feelings are, that you will torture yourself with "what ifs."
I would do it soon, giving her no choice but to sit and stew may
1-succeed in making her angrier
2-Is essentially one of the games you claim you are not playing. (not trying to be rude, that's just how I see it)
So soon, very soon. Like within a day or two.

[Rastaboy]

I understand, but this will be the third talk after the mistake ( I feel we didn't go anywhere with it ) but I'll go talk to her today or tomorrow. I'll let you know what happened!

[Rastaboy]

We had a talk and we came to a conclusion. She said she have forgiven me but can only stay friends while she kissed me. I told her I can't stay friends with her and said goodbye in matters no one was mad. But I saw it in her eyes she was really disappointed. And as she left she said I'll call you to hang out tomorrow and I said not if it's as a friend and smiled then left.

Now from this point on when she calls and texts what's my actions and do I ever contact her?

[LadySam]

I'm sorry, but I felt like her mind was made up about it.
But do her and yourself a favor and go no contact, it won't be easy in the beginning.
But at least now you have the answer that you needed.
Love stinks sometimes, I know, I've left some pretty messy situations myself.
When you feel the need to break the no contact, get busy doing something else and resist, resist.
No texting, no picking up when she calls, get her off your Facebook (if you have one)
Or other social networks.
If you get hung up and feel like you have to dial the number, come here and ask for ideas on how to keep up the no contact.
Again, I'm sorry it turned out that way for you I know that is not what you were hoping for.

[Rastaboy]

Yeah I get it, I just don't understand why she lets me kiss her consecutively. Either way what must be done will be done.

Thank you so much for the help!

[LadySam]

No problem, I didn't mind at all, but check back and let me know how you are holding up.

[Rastaboy]

Hey it's me again.

Its getting really hard to keep her off my mind. I can't help but blame myself for losing her. I really honestly think if I stayed friends with her, I can eventually win her. I mean we always end up kissing at the end of the day, like these past 3 days, even though we weren't going out.

What do you think? Especially considering she has made 0 mistakes while I cheated twice and kept on messing up.

[Wondergirl]

Its getting really hard to keep her off my mind

You really don't want to give her up, do you, as long as she keeps putting out teasers.

[LadySam]

You really don't want to give her up, do you, as long as she keeps putting out teasers.

And that's the clincher, she is sending you mixed signals.
For some girls it may be to string you along, for others maybe a form of punishment for your screw ups. (BTW you never mentioned twice and kept screwing up) But at this point it doesn't matter.
Who knows what reason she is doing it, the fact that she can is because you are allowing it.
That is why the no contact is so important.
She doesn't get to continue messing with your head and you stand a better chance of getting over quickly and moving on.
You could keep on staying in touch with her as friends, but you already know it ain't working for you, and down the road when she gets involved with someone else you are left with wasted time and heartbroken.
You'll beat yourself up in the meantime, yes, but you learned a valuable lesson.

[Rastaboy]

Yeah, so you don't think there is no chance of me getting her back in the future? Cause I mean I have to be real with myself, but the thing is I'm an athlet and it's in my blood to not give up. I had always tried, tried, failed but eventually accomplished most of my goals. That same principle is following me here, but it might be different, I don't know :/

[Wondergirl]

No, I don't think there's any chance. And you told her you don't want to be "just friends." So be a good athlete and realize that the game is over. And that's what it has become -- a game.