[superstar18]

How do you tell if a guy likes you for you or just to use you for sex?

[CravenMorhead]

If you can answer that question than you would put a million players out of work...

[superstar18]

Well I don't know the answer so I guess a lot of people are SOL.

[JudyKayTee]

Don't have sex with him and see how long he stays around.

[smoothy]

Don't have sex with him and see how long he stays around.

Spot on advice...

Few guys will turn down free sex with a decent looking woman... some wouldn't even turn it down from an ugly woman...

And a guy doesn't even have to like you as a person to have sex with you. Which is actually opposite how a woman thinks.

[JudyKayTee]

There are no ugly women at closing time.

[Cat1864]

Liking you as a person would not automatically mean he has deeper feelings. A 'Friends with benefits' relationship is about two people who are friends having sex because they aren't in other relationships. They don't 'love' each other in a romantic way, but they do care about and like each other.

I suggest if you are uncertain or confused that you stop having sex with him and talk with him about your concerns. Make certain you are both on the same page. Part of being a consenting adult is knowing what you are consenting to.

[superstar18]

Well here's what happened so I talked to this guy and got his number and all. We talked everyday since then. It was a week or 2 after when we actually had a date and all. Well after the date we didn't have intercourse but did some other things, but I know he wanted sex with me. I know it has only been only three or four days since our date, but now he barely talks to me. I know he has a tough work schedule, but still he talked to me more before the date. So I'm not sure if he just wanted it or not. Maybe I'm just over reacting, I don't know.

[smoothy]

Well here's what happened so I talked to this guy and got his number and all. We talked everyday since then. It was a week or 2 after when we actually had a date and all. Well after the date we didn't have intercourse but did some other things, but I know he wanted sex with me. I know it has only been only three or four days since our date, but now he barely talks to me. I know he has a tough work schedule, but still he talked to me more before the date. So I'm not sure if he just wanted it or not. Maybe I'm just over reacting, I don't know.

My advice.. based on a guys experience in his younger dating days...

He was more interested in getting into your pants.. than getting into your heart... he put a few days work into it and it wasn't paying off so he's moving on to someone else to use as a sex toy.

[superstar18]

Well he did tell me that he has only had sex once, but I highly doubt that. He texted me at like 2:30 in the morning saying that he feels bad because he thinks that I'm not texting him back but it's his phone that's not sending the message. But after I said It's fine my phone does that all the time he still hasn't replied and I sent that at 8:30 in the morning.

[smoothy]

And you believe him? I have some Oklahoma beachfront property I'd like to sell.

[superstar18]

No I don't believe him so I guess I'll just not talk to him till he talks to me. I'll just play him like he's playing me right now.

[JudyKayTee]

Getting even makes you as small as he is.

[superstar18]

Getting what?

[JudyKayTee]

Getting what??

Even. Re-read what I posted.

[superstar18]

I haven't even done anything yet and how does that make me small if I'm just wanting to show him what he's doing to me really hurts. I have been played like this before and I didn't do anything about it, I'm not going to sit back and let it happen again. That's how I will get taken advantage of if I act like everything is fine when it's not.

[smoothy]

She means this tit-for-tat thing about having to get even being childish. Or in other words... "two wrongs don't make a right."

Also... telling yourself... "I'm better than he is and I won't lower myself to his level to play in the mud."

Think about those things and that desire to "get even" should diminish.

[JudyKayTee]

I haven't even done anything yet and how does that make me small if I'm just wanting to show him what he's doing to me really hurts. I have been played like this before and I didn't do anything about it, I'm not going to sit back and let it happen again. That's how I will get taken advantage of if I act like everything is fine when it's not.

You've had this same conversation with other members of AMHD in the past - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...us-621481.html You seem to go from crisis to crisis. Maybe you should consider some other course of action.

[Cat1864]

I haven't even done anything yet and how does that make me small if I'm just wanting to show him what he's doing to me really hurts. I have been played like this before and I didn't do anything about it, I'm not going to sit back and let it happen again. That's how I will get taken advantage of if I act like everything is fine when it's not.

A better course is to walk away with your held high. Take what you have learned from this and other experiences and see where you need to adapt and change your own actions and reactions before looking for another 'maybe'. What signals are you sending out? Are you making them think you want the same thing they do just to get a date? Why did you allow sexual intimacy on the first date?

Talking to someone over the phone is all well and good. So is getting to know them in a group setting. However, you cannot know what the person is really like until you are in an actual dating situation and you have to work communications and contact around daily schedules and stresses. It is also when and how you learn if you are compatible as anything more than a friend, if that.

Why are you clinging to this male before you even get to know him? Why are you expecting his schedule to stay the same from week to week? You haven't known him long enough to know who he is and what his life is like. A couple of weeks talking and one date with 'not quite intercourse' is not a relationship. Demanding attention at this point shows immaturity, clinginess, and insecurity. It leads to the other person lying and ignoring you to get some space. That is not good.

How does 'showing him' change how men you met in the future treat you? Future dates will not about this unless you tell them or you become grist for the campus rumor mill. Is that what you want really want? Do you want to 'burn' him so that he spreads the story to his friends and other people? That's where this is headed if you try to play games.

Really, why are you allowing yourself to feel 'hurt' by someone you don't even know? That is your issue-not his. I suggest not dating until you can create a stronger foundation inside yourself to build your half of a relationship on. Once you have a firm foundation for your own support, you won't be as worried about what he is or isn't doing hours after a date or why he might need some space.

Good luck.

[superstar18]

I guess I just don't know how to handle this, that's why I came here for help. I don't really know what to do. I have been in this situation numerous of times and I don't know what to do about it. I know I am ready to have a relationship, but I can't push something that's not going to happen. I fall for guys easily and I used to not be like that, I guess it just happened because of my last relationship. Also I'm not expecting his schedule to stay the same from week to week, he even told me he works a lot because he has a full time job.