Check out some similar questions!

scubagrl007 · Mar 7, 2007, 08:00 AM

I have been living with my future husband for the last 6 months. We plan on getting married this Dec. & get a house this summer. We live in his parents house. I have known his family for the past 1 1/2 years. Coming over and visiting, staying the night on weekends, etc. Playing with my 2 future step-daughters ages now 6 and 7. I can take them with me to the mall, grocery stores, parks, rivers, flying kites etc. However, their grandma, my future mother-in-law, thinks that they are afraid of me and that I abuse them and belittle them. This always comes up when I discipline the children. One the 6 year old is a cryer, big time. The other, 7 yr. old not a cryer. When the younger is punished either by me or by the father, she goes into a tantrum. When the dad punishes the grandma doesn't do anything however when I do it she has been known to take the child out of my sight, even when I'm talking to her, and ask her questions about the means of What I could have done to make her cry. Am I abusing her? Did I hit her? What did I do? To make matters worse. The 6 yr. old is known to lie. So the other day she said to her grandma she's afraid of me. Great.
So to sum it up. The grandma thinks I am pretty much abusing them. The father knows I don't. If they were so afraid of me then why do they follow me around all the time and ask me to play with them? Also the father is very respectfull of his mother, at times I'm thinking a mommas boy, so he won't defend me because we live in his parents house and all. The grandma gives me all privileges of being a stepmom but I cannot discipline the kids because she doesn't trust me?
should I move out until we find a house together or should I just hold off on playing with the kids until we buy a house in respect/defeat of the grandma? Its getting to the point where I don't want the kids around me because of the grandmas suspicion.
Thanks for reading all this.

ballengerb1 · Mar 7, 2007, 08:26 AM

Grandma will be your mom-in-law and she will most likely not change her opinion, even in light of facts. In her mind, you may be the second woman who is going to hurt her family and son. Trust will take many, many years to develop. You might be wise to ask her for help with discipline or even ask her to handle some of the situations for or with you. Who knows, maybe grandma has a magic touch with children.

talaniman · Mar 7, 2007, 08:42 AM

Be patient as grandma is very protective, and as the previous poster has said it will take a lot of time to develop a relationsship of trust between you. Your in her house so defer to her as it won't be long before you'll be living on your own. Living with parents is rough on everyone so step back and take the oppurtunity to learn from her from know.

JennaVanloon · Mar 7, 2007, 10:04 AM

In my opinion, I think that as long as you live in her house, she's going to be that way. It might be bettter for you to move out until you guys can get your own place together. I tried raising my own son under my ex in-laws roof. EVen though he's MINE, they still questioned every decision I made and never let me discipline him the way I wanted. It's hard to raise children in someone else's house.