[Twisted faith]

My wife cheated on me with a 18 yr old boy, who is now in jail. She wrote him a letter saying they will be together when he gets out, the letter never reached him it was returned to sender. That's how I found out, now she says that she didn't mean anything in the letter she wrote the boy. I do not believe her, she says she wants to save our marriage. What do I do?

[JudyKayTee]

She lied to you. She apparently cheated with someone else. I don't know that the age of the "someone else" matters.

Can you live with that?

[Twisted faith]

She lied to you. She apparently cheated with someone else. I don't know that the age of the "someone else" matters.

Can you live with that?

To be honest I don't know, I am trying to get through this but now I wonder when we make love is she thinking of him. Because if that letter had not been returned I wouldn't have found out.

[Jake2008]

I agree with Judy that the age really doesn't matter. Although I wonder if she had relations with him prior to his 18th birthday, which is a whole other can of worms.

Would you feel differently if this 18 year old had been the same age as you, or would you feel differently if she cheated with your brother, best friend, your boss?

Cheating is cheating.

If you are saying you want to repair your marriage, and learn how to trust her again, that is possible IF both parties are willing. Most likely, without help, that is likely to fail. Insist on marriage counselling. That will also tell how remorseful and serious she is about the marriage.

Protect your assets. If she's been dating an 18 year old, chances are she's giving him money. If he's in jail, find out why. If it is due to drugs, check your bank balances to ensure there isn't a noticeable amount of money missing that could have gone to feed his use.

I would be highly doubtful of a partner who, by accident, was found out to be having an affair with an 18 year old, let alone that the 18 year old is in jail. AFTER the fact she fesses up, but- have you thought about what happens when he is out? How do you know that the letter you found, was the only letter she sent. How do you know that she's not visiting him, sending him money- even now. Have you checked phone bills?

To go forth blindly without having some serious questions answered, is foolish in my opinion. To even consider saving the marriage without some therapy, is also a waste of time.

You have only one letter. I suspect there are enough letters and communications between the two of them to write a book.