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geagleton · May 31, 2012, 09:41 AM

My boyfriend and I are both recovering addicts. I just celebrated 4yrs, he just relapsed. I found out by old associates that he had been going around behind my back while lying to me about his clean time - smoking dope. I didn't judged him on his relapse but can't seem to get rid of all these insecurities this has brought out. I know longer trust him, find myself acting out in embarrassing fits because I don't believe a word he tells me . Ive never had insecurities in a relationship and now it seems I have them all. I sometimes find myself thinking if he is cheating on me, when he is forever by my side. How do I work through this? He is a good man and made a mistake. Now I feel like I'm ruining our relationship. He tries reassuring me that we will get passed this and is forever supportive. I just can't seem to get over it? How do I?

C0bra_M3nace · May 31, 2012, 11:31 AM

You don't "get over" not trusting your boyfriend. That's a real relationship issue, a big one at that. You can't have a relationship without trust, and communication. You seem to be missing one, trust can't be just asked for, or demanded, or forgotten, it must be earned. You need to talk to him, and ask him why he felt the need to lie to you, and work on those issues first.

mmresd · May 31, 2012, 11:40 AM

If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Break up with him, allow him to heal on his own. Don't allow his problems to become yours. Move on, you don't need someone like that in your life, you are doing good, keep up the good work!

geagleton · May 31, 2012, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Break up with him, allow him to heal on his own. Don't allow his problems to become yours. Move on, you don't need someone like that in your life, you are doing good, keep up the good work!

Im not one for giving up too easily, I love him, and understand relapse, as it is a part of my story as well. Addiction is a conning enemy. I just need to find a way to get through my insecurities in a healthy way.

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 1, 2012, 03:57 AM

You have no insecurities, he's lying, and deceiving you. Trust should not be something easily earned. Sounds like continuing to trust him is the insecurity you need to work on.