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amazeon · May 31, 2012, 11:09 AM

Long but here it goes!

I need some help and guidance guys... My lesbian girlfriend dumped me after two years, 10 days ago. The relationship we had has been pretty good but for the past 2 months we have just not been seeing eye to eye. We have been getting into petty arguments over our opinions and that would ultimately lead to a bigger argument causing doubt about the relationship. We have not had to deal with lies and cheating and we were very much in love (so I thought). Before we met, my ex had been in 3 different relationships and had been dumped and cheated on in all 3, however, she stayed with them on and off for more than 2 years each. She was dumped right before she met me. I was also dumped right before I met her but I have never had to deal with infidelities. During this relationship she constantly told me how much she loved me and that she would be hard to get rid of and how much I make her happy. I trusted her. I believed that I had found the person who would love me unconditionally. This is all why Im so confused.

Now I must admit that because I have been left in the past I would say things like "Well, maybe we should break up then" or " If you feel that way, Why are you with me". I would anly say things like that depending on what we were arguing about and I know I was wrong. I told her I was only doing it because I was insecure because I had been left and that its just a defense tactic and I would work really hard to stop that because I don't mean it. And I stopped!

But then 2 weeks ago we got into an argument about something that had nothing to do with us and it got ugly and turned into her bringing up other things about me! When we argued I told her to "hang out with your new friends" and she snapped and said I was jealous because I mentioned to her a night before the argument about how I feel when she meets new people (beautiful single women). I told her that whenever I date anybody and they are hanging and talking to them more than me, it bothers me. It makes me feel like I am going to get left again because they are going to find something that they like more in that person that I don't have and it can make them lose interest in me. I told her that I have insecurites and I am trying to fix them but I can't help but feel that way. Yes I am a little jealous but I am not possesive at all! I don't check phones or anything like that. I feel that my jealousy is actually reasonable. I explained to her that sometimes I look for reassurance but I don't need it. Im actually quite confident in the relationship! So because of the argument and her saying that I don't want her to meet new people I got pissed! And I said it. I told her " If you think I am really that jealous then maybe we shouldn't be together, because I'm not. I may have some insecrities but i am not a possessive and controlling". Needless to say the argument went so far left and she stormed out!

The next day she said she wanted a break for a week and that we weren't breaking up. A week passed she said she needed to see me and she told me "I don't want to be with you anymore, I'm sick of arguing"! I didn't say anything because I couldn't... I would have never thought that someone I had been with would walk out like that without warning or a valid reason. Arguing too much can be fixed. Rough patches in relationships happen all the time after the honeymoon phase ends. It been 2 years why is this relationship not important to her? If she would have come to me and said I need to talk to you because I feel like we could really end, I would have tried to take a step back and really analyze what I was doing wrong so that I could save the relationship. I loved her and there was nothing I wouldn't have done to keep this relationship. The only reason was because we were arguing too much... We are women that what we do, HELLO!

Anyway I have been really thinking about asking her why she left without trying. But I haven't had contact with her in 10 days... Should I find out if there is more to this breakup (someone else, mental issues) or should I just let it go? The thought of being with someone for 2 years and now nothing at all is absolutely bizarre to me. I want her back... But I feel like if she and I wait too long it will be impossible to reconcile or I may end up hating her. I know I have to work on some things and Im really trying to fix my insecurities during this break... This break is actually something I wouldn't have minded if we had come to this agreement together to work on ourselves. But now I just feel alone and abandoned because I feel I have lost her entirely!! Please help...

C0bra_M3nace · May 31, 2012, 11:13 AM

Forget and move on! It's probably best you don't know why to be honest. Leave it at that, go out meet some new people, try to enjoy being single. It's hard, but time will heal you. Try some new things, get into something you've always wanted to. You'll meet new people, and open new doors in life. It's only as hard as you make it! Don't let it slow you down!

Best of luck!

mmresd · May 31, 2012, 12:01 PM

No jealousy is reasonable, especially because you are actually using your insecurities as an excuse. Remain single, look at this event as an opportunity. NOW is the time to get over those insecurities and learn to have confidence and high self esteem. Go no contact, it doesn't matter if you understand why you broke up, you need to respect her decision and start moving on.

amazeon · May 31, 2012, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

No jealousy is reasonable, especially because you are actually using your insecurities as an excuse.

Thanks! I'm acknowledging my flaws and insecurities and actively working on them because I know it isn't right. However, NOBODY is perfect... Im not and neither is she. We all have flaws. I vauled her and accepted her flaws and tried to help her overcome them because I loved her. Is she going to walk out on everyone she finds flaws in? That would be unrealistic because we all have scars. I just feel like it's just crazy that someone would walk out on you after 2 years instead of talking to you about their concerns FIRST. She never said a word!

Im really going to take this time for myself because I don't want to have this happen again... people just don't try anymore. They give up so easily... so sad...

talaniman · Jun 1, 2012, 08:11 AM

What's the point of looking for all the little things that might of contributed to this failed experiment? Especially when you can't see them through your shock, pain, and hurt about the loss?

Better to accept the break up and focus on being good to yourself, healing, and understanding will come later. When your feelings are calm, and under control. I think we all try to rush the process of recovery, and just end up more miserable.

amazeon · Jun 1, 2012, 08:19 AM

Thanks guys!!

mmresd · Jun 1, 2012, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by amazeon

Thanks! I'm acknowledging my flaws and insecurities and actively working on them because I know it isn't right. However, NOBODY is perfect...Im not and neither is she. We all have flaws. I vauled her and accepted her flaws and tried to help her overcome them because I loved her. Is she going to walk out on everyone she finds flaws in? That would be unrealistic because we all have scars. I just feel like it's just crazy that someone would walk out on you after 2 years instead of talking to you about their concerns FIRST. She never said a word!

Im really going to take this time for myself because I dont want to have this happen again.... people just don't try anymore. they give up so easily... so sad...

Whether she walks away from everyone she finds a flaw in is not really important. She did it to you, like I said, time to accept that and move on. She will live her life and will have her problems to worry about, as will you, concentrate on yourself. The right amount of selfish attitude to work on yourself can be a very GOOD thing!

amazeon · Jun 1, 2012, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by mmresd

Whether or not she walks away from everyone she finds a flaw in is not really important. She did it to you, like I said, time to accept that and move on. She will leave her life and will have her problems to worry about, as will you, concentrate on yourself. The right amount of selfishness to work on yourself can be a very GtOOD thing!

Thank you! I'm going to take your advice because it will benefit me in the long run... I have decided to do this because I'm awesome and I know it! Lol