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StavenX · May 29, 2012, 09:06 PM

About 5 weeks ago, I met a girl. It was slowly at a time, to realize I had feelings for her. She is the one I care about the most of all, and I have a hard time because of this. Why? She became a couple with one of my buddies. He is the most disrespectful person I know, and after talking to his ex, I found out he raped her several times. When he's a realationship with her, I just feel so unsafe. I want to confess with her about how I feel, but I'm afraid it will just make things worse.

angelroseyoung · May 29, 2012, 09:13 PM

Pull her to the side and tell her how you feel. Be genuine about it. Make her feel special. But don't push it. Eventually she's going to realize that he's not the guy for her, and if it's not soon, be patient man. But if she doesn't deserve him, then she's going to see it soon enough. And don't forget to be there for her through it all. Be her shoulder to cry on. I'm sure its all going to work out eventually.

Homegirl 50 · May 29, 2012, 10:06 PM

Dude you have only known this girl for 5 weeks and she is with someone else. Leave her alone.

StavenX · May 30, 2012, 05:16 AM

Yes, I'm sorry, It would actually be for 2 months, but it doesn't feel like that at all. The reason to that would be, most of the times she wanted me to the mall, city etc, my buddy refused it. He wanted to leave me behind, so I wouldn't get any ''chances'', I'd guess. I'm just so worried about her. My buddy is good as a friend, but he get really bad grades at school, and is very lazy. He seems to me as a guy that takes advantages of people, and that's why I'm worried...

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2012, 07:16 AM

How old are the two of you?

StavenX · May 30, 2012, 09:41 AM

I'm almost 15, and she is 15. It seems like both of us like each other, also.

JudyKayTee · May 30, 2012, 09:50 AM

Almost 15 is, in fact, 14. How old is the other guy?

I think you are over your head in this and have two choices - tell her what you've heard (or, I suppose, put her in touch with the person who told you) OR walk away.

She's with someone else - leave it alone.

StavenX · May 30, 2012, 11:39 AM

With someone else? The guy she is with now, raped his ex, she told me about it, and you think I will just sit here, watching?

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2012, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by StavenX

With someone else? The guy she is with now, raped his ex, she told me about it, and you think I will just sit here, watching?

How do you know she is telling you the truth? Did she tell her parents?
If you repeat this you need to make sure it is true. If you tell her make sure it is out of genuine concern and not because you want her and then you don't jump right in on her.

StavenX · May 30, 2012, 12:15 PM

It's like: I do like her, but I'm also on another side concerned. A lot. It looks like she like me too, but the only thing is her boyfriend. And yes, if what his ex was telling is true or not, I wouldn't know. But she does seem to hate him a lot, despite this.

Homegirl 50 · May 30, 2012, 12:20 PM

Well maybe she told you this because she hates him. My advice still stands. She has a boy friend and unless you know something for sure, rather than hearsay about this guy, you need to leave her alone.
It may look like she likes you, but unless she is willing to leave her boyfriend for you, she does not like you enough.

JudyKayTee · May 30, 2012, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by StavenX

With someone else? The guy she is with now, raped his ex, she told me about it, and you think I will just sit here, watching?

No, I think you should all act like adults.

IF the "ex" was raped she should go to the Police. This is not a game. I was the adult victim of rape - you don't tell everyone but the Police if you're an adult. Maybe she's afraid to go alone. If so and you want to get involved, you go with her. If the "ex" is your age (which appears to be underage) the rapist is in very serious trouble and YOU can stop him - by going to the Police, with or without her.

You should stay away from girls who are with other boys.

If you repeat this "rape" story and it is untrue you will have many more problems than you have now. Many more.

You posted on an adult board, not a teen board, so I am assuming you want advice from adults. This statement - "I want to confess with her about how I feel, but I'm afraid it will just make things worse" makes you sound less concerned about her well being with the alleged rapist and more concerned about "how you feel."

StavenX · May 31, 2012, 06:09 AM

And if you know the way I think, ''Leaving her alone'' is not an option. The first comment on this thread, seems like the most useful advice to me.

JudyKayTee · May 31, 2012, 06:27 AM

Let us know how this works out. Of course, if the "rape" accusation is false you could find yourself on the wrong side of the law but, by all means, do what you have to do.

Of course, if the "rapist" boyfriend takes a burn to you, you'll deserve whatever he decides is fair.

I suspect that IF you break up this relationship this girl will move on to someone else, anyway - if she wanted to be with you she would be with you.

Homegirl 50 · May 31, 2012, 06:29 AM

It is useful to you because it is what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear.
You have no concern for this girl's safety, that was just an excuse to make you seem noble. You want the girl. That is just selfish.
If this girl liked you that much, she would not have a boy friend who is not you.

StavenX · May 31, 2012, 07:22 AM

... Excuse me? I do not have a concern for her safety?
She's a person I think of all the time, like none else. I feel that's she's a part of me. There is no one else that I feel this higly for.
It may be that you are an adult, divorced and all that stuff. But I do not really care. In most cases you may have the right meanings, but in this case, I feel your totally wrong.

JudyKayTee · May 31, 2012, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by StavenX

...Excuse me? I do not have a concern for her safety?
She's a person I think of all the time, like none else. I feel that's she's a part of me. There is no one else that I feel this higly for.
It may be that you are an adult, divorced and all that stuff. But I do not really care. In most cases you may have the right meanings, but in this case, I feel your totally wrong.

Let me say it again - if your motive is pure, your aim is to keep her safe, REPORT THE RAPES TO THE POLICE.

I'm not only an adult (who said I'm divorced, if you're talking to me?) but I'm also ex-law enforcement. If the boyfriend is a rapist and you know, have proof, aren't reporting the rapes, you are now a party to HIS crimes.

Smarten up.

tickle · May 31, 2012, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by StavenX

With someone else? The guy she is with now, raped his ex, she told me about it, and you think I will just sit here, watching?

How do you know this person is telling you the truth? Don't jump to conclusions; you could be spoiling someone's life

JudyKayTee · May 31, 2012, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

How do you know this person is telling you the truth? Don't jump to conclusions; you could be spoiling someone's life

And that someone's life could be his. Of course, originally he wanted to confess his feelings to her. Now his cause is more noble.

StavenX · May 31, 2012, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And that someone's life could be his. Of course, originally he wanted to confess his feelings to her. Now his cause is more noble.

I do love her, really. But on the other side, also concerned, if this will make you understand the situation better. I'm thinking about her, all the time, about the reasons I love her, and also her safety. I really do mean ''Always''.