[someoneanswerme]

Okay this has been getting at me for months now, I have nobody to talk to since my boyfriend won't let me speak to anyone apart from my family. I'm going to be totally honest with you even though I know myself that I have been in the wrong for a majority of the time and I will accept any of the negative feedback I get about myself.

Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for nearly 15 months. We started having problems six months in, I don't really understand why but he completely distanced himself away from me, we stopped speaking as much.. he spoke to my best friend more than me, they hid about them two speaking to each other even though I told them both I didn't trust it. We had a lot of problems, he was very controlling he didn't let me do anything.. he controlled what I wore, who I spoke to, I wasn't allowed to do anything without his permission. We used to break up all the time, we broke up when I started a new college, he didn't like me going there because two boys I use to see go there. We broke up again but never got back together for a long time.

After I found out that him and my best friend were speaking so much to each other, they would say things to each other that I would completely be upset about.. also being on the phone for seven hours to each other. I started to speak to another boy (me and my boyfriend were not together), this only lasted a week so I didn't see it as anything. As time went on I started seeing a boy, this lasted for 5 months. Me and my ex were still on and off although we were not together I still saw him about 4 times in that amount of time as he always used to flop me and not see me (my ex that is). When I saw him it would be like everything was okay. But when we were on the phone he would constantly make me cry and call me names, he would ignore me, put everyone else before me and he even changed his Facebook password which he never had a problem with me having before. He made me cry continuously and never gave me any attention, as bad as it sounds all I wanted was his attention and the new boy I was seeing was giving me all the attention, he looked after me when my ex made me cry. To make matters worse I had sex with the boy I was seeing.

The day he found out EVERYTHING he seemed devastated he hit me, but I carried on seeing the other boy three times after which I know myself is totally out of order and I honestly regret it so much and feel so bad as a person. When he found that out he hit me again, but I deserved it I know I did. Then they both found out what happened, I was so upset and frustrated with myself that I broke two peoples hearts that I care so much about? I know your thinking how can you care about two people then break they're hearts, but its so confusing I don't know myself but I regret this so much. When my friends had problems and they're partners done something to them I would think how can they still love them after how much the other person has hurt them? And to think I was now that person who has hurt not one but two people, it made me feel so disappointed in myself.

I stopped speaking to the boy I was seeing, and was completely faithful to my boyfriend, I moved away from my city and moved to another country to live with my mum for a while. I quit my college, I went there for him to prove to him that I do love him and I do want to be with him and I'm sorry for everything I have done. But then that's when the abuse started, day after day he would continuously call me names. He called me whore, slag, sket, he used to put me down so much about myself, he told me I deserved it all after everything I done to him. I believed him and I still do. Everyday he threatens to leave me, everyday he calls me a whore and will call me names and he won't stop. He tells me he don't love me and he don't care about my well being. He makes me feel so ugly as a person as he has called me ugly but he says only when I wear makeup. He never compliments me, he doesn't let me speak to anyone apart from my family. I'm not allowed to go back home to my dads, if I do he said he will never speak to me again. I can't have credit on my phone because he says I'll call other people. He always asks me what I'm wearing. I can't go downstairs wearing a nightie in front of my mums boyfriend, or he calls me a whore. I'm not allowed to wear anything that shows my legs or chest. He won't let me go anywhere on my own without him being on the phone. We are now 460 miles apart, he came to visit me for 11 days and he is coming this week to stay for a month. I've been at my mum's for almost three months and haven't gone back home to my dads yet, I haven't even been able to get a job.. he won't allow me. I'm so confused I don't know what to do? Do I deserve this? Please get back to me someone because I don't know what to do.

I need to add on that this boy is the love of my life, even though I am nearly 17 I love him to pieces, he is just a year older than me. I don't ever want to lose him because as you have read I have made him my everything. I'm not stupid I know a lot of you will be thinking that there are plenty of boys out there. But think about how hard it was to let go of your first love? Sorry for writing so much just need you to understand my situation fully.

[LadySam]

First love or not, you need to keep the 460 miles between you and never see, speak or hear form him again.
This is not acceptable behavior and to allow you to think that you deserved to be hit, not once but twice. There is no excuse for putting your hands on another person in that manner.

He is controlling and that is not going to be a fun way to live your life.
He has no respect for you, if he did he would not make such negative comments and call you names that people should not be called ever!
I am a little confused as to how you can be in college at 16, unless you are a gifted student who has excelled in her studies.
But if you did quit school because that is what he wanted, then how dare he be so selfish as to begrudge you education.
So in short, while you may have made some bad choices, this guy is controlling, abusive, both verbally and physically, selfish and has no respect for you.
I think you keep the 460 miles (more if need be) distance and leave him alone before you regret wasting time and energy on this person.