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jennifer0992 · May 27, 2012, 04:02 AM

OK so to me this is beyond nuts... my brother JUST got out of a bad divorce... I mean a month ago or something or even less. It was the FIRST girl he did ANYTHING with.. I mean anything period--even holding hands. His counselors encouraged him to talk to this girl they knew saying they'd be perfect for each other. I thought... ok those are STUPID counselors and that's a very BAD idea... divorced people are very emotionally vulnerable, lonely, needy not stable... but his idiotic counselors told him this... he began talking to her. Today he goes to my family's house and tells them, he got married to her yesterday... ok I'm sorry but What the heck he knwe her maybe a MONTH OR LESS?? This to me is just insane crazy irrational... but no one in my family is protesting it-- they're thrilled that maybe THIS girl is the 'angel' they've been wanting... HUH?? Again this thinking just doesn't seem normal... I hissed and got mad at their stupidity---just the sheer STUPIDITY of all of this.. the ignorance... yes these days it seems everyone gest married immediately which is why the divorce rate is so high... but... 1-2 months after meeting someone RIGHT into a divorce?? This isn't right... what can anyone say to these people... I want nothing to do with this... I think it's just ludicrous...

jennifer0992 · May 27, 2012, 04:07 AM

My stupid famiyl also claims "oh it's meant to be-- the other girl was so mean and this one is so nice"... not "oh hey btw...he's vulnerable needy and bitter...he just lost his first love, first sexual anything with.. he's angry at the other girl and using this as a way to get back at her and even displace his feelings/emotions or transfer them in some form...nah....they're like "well he knows what he's doing"... really?? Really?? I didn't think professionally educated people could be so stupid... or ignorant or idiotic... this is all so frustrating and feels like a bad dream or something... but my sister has accepted it and everyone is thrilled that while he's barely over his divorce and maybe a month ago still hoping his ex-wife was going to reconcile, he's now remarried to someone he's known maybe a month??

Jake2008 · May 27, 2012, 07:16 AM

What kind of counselling did he have, and were these counsellors professionals? Why was there more than once counsellor?

Your brother was just divorced, but how long had he and his first wife been separated. Why was their divorce so bitter?

Are there any children involved?

I understand why you are protective of your brother. You love him, and helped him through a divorce I assume, and then you were side swiped with him saying he had married again so quickly.

Maybe waiting would have been a better idea, but without knowing more (ie how long they had been separated, etc), maybe, just maybe he wasn't doing a rebound thing like you suggest, and made a good decision- at least for himself, and his new wife, to marry again.

While it may be hard to accept what he has done, there isn't much you can do about it. If he has made a horrible mistake by jumping back into marriage so soon, it is his mistake to make. Perhaps part of the divorce happening at all was because he knew from the beginning the marriage was not going to work out?

You say that he had hoped for a reconcilliation with his ex wife, just about a month ago; that part would have been known if he'd been in counselling for some time, and working through a failed marriage with the help of counsellor(s), wouldn't normally be immediately followed by a second marriage.

Knowing how long he was in counselling would help understand a bit more, but, no matter how much of a mistake you feel he has made, and how much of this mistake was caused by the wrong advice, still likely wouldn't have stopped him from marrying another woman.

From what you have said, I can only say hope for the best, but expect the worst. It may be later rather than sooner, and you may be called upon to help him again. But you don't know that, any more than you know that the marriage may work out. Who knows.

As hard as it is to accept what he has done, you don't have much choice in that matter either. At least try not to alienate him, or her, from the family, and despite the odds, be as supporting as you can.

jennifer0992 · May 27, 2012, 04:09 PM

Yes so true... what you stated... I'm just flipping out over what seems to be very irrational and stupid. He and his ex wife were just married two years and divorced... it wasn't that bitter or terrible... of course I'm sure he was distraught and upset... he's muslim so there's a 'waiting' period after divorce of a month to see if something could come from it or reconciliation... so he's been going through that and they have been talking. Finally they both decided to end it and then immediately his stupid counselors had already told him about this girl and he met her... now a month later they are married... I find it really bizarre and weird... his mistake I feel was created BY the counselors who suggested this girl -- the counselors were muslim too and apparently not very smart... or good counselors in my opinion... it's not that he couldn't have married this girl but so soon was very unnecessary... im upset at my familys' lack of care about this and seeing it as a good thing rather than what it is... it's careless and strange... also my parents are very controlling and strange... so if this was me I would have been disowned however... since its my brother, they're OK with it. My mother seems to think ti's OK to just marry then divorce and remarry immediately... it doesn't seem like she's thinking rationally... im upset my whole family doesn't think any wrong in this and is supporting it... if it was me I'd be harassed to no end and mistreated by my family but they are cheering him on... this horrible bizarre mistake... there is no need to get marrie to someone you've known just 'one month'... and it's very stupid to do... right after directly after a divorce that JUST ended... nothing he has done or my familys' reaction makes any sense... my mother is even upset that I'm upset about it.. which is even dumber and shows her messed up mentality.. I don't know what is wrong with these people but this is a disturbing situation...

ScottGem · May 27, 2012, 04:15 PM

Have you gotten to know this girl? If you haven't then you can't judge the counselors.

While I agree with you that rushing into a marriage after a divorce is not a smart thing to do, it is not your decision to make. If your brother had asked you beforehand you could have expressed your opinion to wait. But once he presented the family with a fait acompli then your job is to support him. To at least try to get to know your new sister-in-law and welcome her to the family.