[ConfusedGirl94]

Hi! All right, I'm just going to try to make this fairly simple and hope it comes out understandable lol.

I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 21. We were long distance for about two years until September of 2011 when he moved in. We've been dating for three years now and I lost my virginity to him when I was 17. He has only had one sexual partner before me and he hated it. See, he used to want it a lot when we were apart and then he just stopped, even before he moved in. I am the sexual one in the relationship; I'm the one that wants it all the time and he's the type who would rather cuddle or play a game. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to cuddle and just be with him, I'm a gamer too and that's mostly what we do, just wish I didn't get rejected every time I try. We have sex - if I'm lucky - about once a week or two. And I'm the kind of girl who likes it 4-6 times a week.

I've talked to him about it and he swears it's not me, he just doesn't feel like ever doing it. He can get a hard on but the mood doesn't come with it. He doesn't even feel it. I even offer him a "freebie" where I just give him a blowjob but he rejects it. I'd be okay if he would do oral, use his fingers, or even just talking dirty while I finish myself off, but he doesn't even want to help me out, just wants to keep watching TV or playing his game, leaving me sitting there upset and in the mood.

I don't know, it just really makes my self-confidence worse than it already is. I love him unconditionally, just wish we could physically love each other as well, you know?

Could it be his job that is making him like this? Or performance issues? Any ideas?

[CravenMorhead]

Can you live with this for the rest of your life? This is important.

It could be that your boyfriend has less of a libido than you do. If this is going to be a continuous issue for you then you might want to end it now before you get further into it. Chances are libido issues never get resolved. So it can get better for a while and then it will drop again.

It is also not shallow to decide on a relationship based upon mismatched libidos. It's your life.

Good Luck.

[ConfusedGirl94]

Can you live with this for the rest of your life? This is important.

It could be that your boyfriend has less of a libido than you do. If this is going to be a continous issue for you then you might want to end it now before you get further into it. Chances are libido issues never get resolved. so it can get better for a while and then it will drop again.

It is also not shallow to decide on a relationship based upon mismatched libidos. It's your life.

Good Luck.

To be honest, I have been asking myself that question for two years out of the three we've been together but have always been afraid of the true answer.
I'm always scared that he thinks that I only want him for sex when I talk to him about it, and he has accused me of that during one discussion and it's not true at all. I love him, and he's always there emotionally, just not on the intimate, deeper emotional part..
You are right, though. Thank you for taking your time to respond and thank you for letting me know that last part, I was afraid to feel shallow!

[Fr_Chuck]

Many couples would be real happy for that once a week, and often if he works, he really is tired. But if he is playing computer games like Wii or something, he could also have an addiction.

If you can not get to counseling and try to reach a compromise of some type I don't see any change.

[cbunny20]

My boyfriend does the same thing. We have been together for 4 years. There's nothing rong. His self esteam might be low or he might just be stressed.try making a hot bath for him with candles that way he will feel less stressed

[Karina777]

Stress can cause low libidos... or sex can be the stress-reliever. When my boyfriend and I were very busy with college, I was craving for some sexual activity but he just wasn't in the mood. I think it's because he was so stressed out. Later on, when he was already less busy, or during our term break, he would be into me again. Stress and fatigue can cause libidos to go low. Also, your boyfriend may also experience some other problems emotionally that causes him not to have sex with you. Maybe he has family problems or some other sort of problem.

[iamleace]

I actually dated a guy just like this- I was so upset because I thought he wasn't attracted to me ( I honestly thought ALL Guys wanted sex 24/7 - whenever, wherever. ) Turns out though, after speaking with his ex girlfriend, he wasn't really into it with her either (funny thing is though, he would talk dirty with me, flirting and stuff but when it came down to it, he was all talk).
My guess is honestly it's a physical/health issue. Some men have low testosterone. My ex husband unfortunately had extremely high testorone and wanted it 24/7 and of course cheated on me basically from day 1 (without me knowing). I would try to suggest speaking to his Dr. about it - as far as I know there is treatment for testosterone deficiancy (sp?). It could just be that simple. However, if he is unwilling to seek options, I'm afraid he most likely won't change.

Just my 2 cents - best of luck in the future girl :)

L