[spitfyr3]

I know its long but please read... My girl and I have been together for 6.5 years. We are both 22 years old and love each other very much. She moved in with me about 2 months ago after a fight with her sister. It took me a while to get used to the fact that someone else would be living with me but I grew to accept it. I lost my job a month before she moved in and she wasn't too happy about it because I wasn't looking for another one. I got depressed and didn't care. When she moved in I told her everything would change and I would be the man for her. I didn't. I got even lazier, took her for granted, fought with her and was negative with her when we were at the house. She kept telling me to please be motivated and I took it as nagging. I was becoming a loser. We had tons of fun still. She's my best friend and likes all the same things I like. But she would go out and ask me to go drinking and I would always stay in. Stupid. We had a huge fight 2 weeks ago and she told me she was leaving. She moved out and I called her 3 days later to get some clarity on what was happening. She met with me at Starbucks and we talked and spent the day together addressing issues and having a great time. She let me hug her and hold her etc. She told me she's not happy with where the relationship is and who we have become. She said she is tired of taking care of me and having me roll over and die. Said she needs a break to think things over. She said she loves me,cares about me, and wants to feel independent again and be happy. I don't blame her. We did nothing these last 2 months. She told me that she wanted to take the summer off from the relationship with no contact. Then, if I changed my attitude, got a job, and got into school this fall, then she would try going on a couple of dates with me and see what happens. I told her that I signed up for bar tending school next week and she seemed happy for me. We kissed each other and parted ways. Ive called her at least 6 times these past 2 weeks because I'm having some trouble adjusting not being able to talk to her. She always picks up and talks to me and laughs with me about stuff I bring up, but she says she really needs this break. She even called me 5 days ago because she was drunk and throwing up from a party. She asked me if I would talk to her and calm her down. I told her I loved her and she would get through it. I graduated from bar tending school yesterday though. And I wanted to see if she would meet up with me on Friday to go out drinking and celebrate. She said "maybe" at first but I pushed a little hard and then she said probably not because she knows that if she hangs out with me then she will get close to me again. We talked for 3 hours last night going into great detail about our relationship. It was flat out honest/serious with no fights. She said she thinks about me every day and wonders if I'm okay. She tries to keep herself busy to stop thinking about me. I asked her if we were single and she said " I dont know, I just dont want to be with anyone right now" I asked her if I could date other girls. She said " If thats what makes you happy." I asked her what she would think if I did date someone else and she said "it would be weird to see that". I told her to call me any time while we do this break thing and I will be here for her. I told her I f**ked up and that I was going to fix myself. She wants a real man with drive and passion and for once I want to give that to her since she has given me so much. I have so much clarity on the issue that its impossible for me to be mad with her. She didn't change her Facebook relationship status, didn't delete any of our pictures together, and still plays smartphone games with me. Im going to get out and better myself, but how can I show her that I'm changing? How do I convince her by the fall that I would be worth fighting for? I know I have to do the no contact thing and move on for a while and I have to be happy. Ive already gotten rid of the root of my depression problems and that is my video games. Sold them all this past week :)

[LadySam]

First things first, if your changing and bettering yourself is a means to get her back then it won't last.
You have to change yourself for you, you cannot change for someone else.
I say this because if at the end of your change her decision is to not continue with the relationship, then where does that leave you?
Most likely falling into another slump.
You can tell her all you want that things are changing but the proof will be in the pudding if you are sincere about it.
After 6 years you both will naturally miss each other and want to stay connected.
It will be difficult not to feel that way, but if no contact is what she wants then you can't fight that.
And I'm sure somewhere in her mind she will be wondering what your reaction will be to things in the future, and whether you will repeatedly go downhill when life throws you curves.
I'm not trying to be a downer, but I would have the same apprehensions.
Give her her space and work on yourself and see what happens.

[Genis]

Send her flowers and do sweet things. Don't give up, please. I can't stand to see my parents argue and fight when they once were in love. Please do justice and fight for this love, make it last and work. Make it yours and make it worth it.

[mmresd]

She is an ex, cut completely contact. Talking will only make your healing process be prolonged.

As far as yourself goes, this will happen with everyone and anyone, you need to get your act together. Laziness is not something that attracts people to you.