[Leih]

I've been dating a married man for 1 year. I know from the start he has his wife and already a mistress with kids. We are both professionals but agreed to be together once his children graduated. The concern is, he has a 6 year old child with the second and he visits them weekly. So I felt no hope. Yet, I find it hard to stop. Where do I start?

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sure he told the other women that when >>> happens he will be there for them.

And when you get to be no longer the "toy of the month" he will find another mistress to replace the newness of you.

You stop by telling him not to see you again, by having self respect and dignity.

[Jake2008]

You are not in a unique situation.

Many women involved with married men, if not all, hear that there is a future, when 'this' or 'that' happens. The point being, that future never comes.

In your case, he also has a second adultress on the side, who decided to have a baby with him, likely to keep him coming back, maybe for 'security' so to speak. He would have given her the 'future' as well.

You in the meanwhile, are in third place. Behind his wife, and behind his second woman. What do you think the chances are that things will filter down through years of waiting, to finally include you as the primary wife in his life.

He has been cheating with the second woman for at least six years.

What kind of person do you think he really is, and please tell me why you would consider waiting for such a man, who cheats on two other women, has children, and lies constantly? Why would you buy what he's selling, and have you considered a few other things.

There are children here that will sadly be the result of broken relationships. They will eventually learn they have a father who lied, cheated, and taught them nothing of how to live an honourable life without hurting people. Such men should never have children in my opinion.

While he juggles three women at a time, which one is likely to get hurt the most. First, it will be his wife, then it will be the second woman, then it will be the third woman. All three of you are wasting your lives on relationships that have nothing of substance, whether realized at this moment, or not until down the road a bit.

Do you think he will be a different person after his wife and first lover dump him- while you take him in? Will waiting for something that may never happen, you are missing living your own life. Everything you have to do with this man, revolves around cheating- including you.

Not to mention that I don't think there is anything worse than a woman stabbing another woman in the back, such as you've done with his wife. You don't have any control over how many other women this man sees, but you certainly should know enough not to mess around with a married man. That one woman would cheat with another woman's husband, is the worst betrayal.

Try to rise above this very low place you are in. Realize that no good will come of this relationship, and that with or without you, the man you are involved with will eventually end up in divorce court, and be saddled with child support and debt for the rest of his life because of his choices. Don't let his choices, determine how your life is going to be- if it ever happens, which it likely won't.

Don't allow yourself to be used by him, and get out. Make it a new, higher standard that you will never again get involved with a married man. See him for who is is, not what you think he will be, when he is with you eventually. Which will never happen anyway.

You are wasting precious time allowing yourself to accept the worst possible behaviour from a man. He is in self- destruct mode, and will take you with him.

Raise the bar, set higher standards, and drop the married, double cheating man. You can't change him, but you can most certainly change yourself.

[tickle]

I always say once a cheater always a cheater. What makes you think if his "haram" disappears he will stick with you. No this guy is a player and that is the way he likes it.

[DoulaLC]

Where do you start? You start by telling him that you are ending the relationship and to not contact you anymore. Do not listen to his promises or pleas to stay in it with him. Do not answer any phone calls, email, etc. Keep telling yourself that this man is a liar and a cheater. You weren't the first, you won't be the last. You will be replaced.

Consider the passed year as a lesson for yourself. Then you promise yourself that you won't stoop so low again. That you will regain your dignity and integrity, and that you won't allow it to be compromised again by anyone.

Don't you deserve better? Once you regain your self-respect you will start to believe it.

[Homegirl 50]

You start by realizing the you are the third one on the totem pole. You are selling yourself short.
Then you tell him to leave you alone. Don't call, don't write, nothing.
Then you stick to your guns. You deserve better.