[Disney87]

I am seeing another guy while I was with my ex-bf. We just broke up recently due to I am choosing this guy because I knew that he loved me so dearly. And I know with him, I could get the happiness that I can't find in my 4 years ex-bf.

However, he felt disappointed and cheated when he requested me to throw out all the thing that he given to me such as card, picture and gift and I did not do so. I kept all the thing was because it was part of my past and part of my memory. I don't find any reason to throw the thing that given to me.

Once he found out, we have a very serious argument and he is sad, disappointed and felt cheated and think that I am probably still having feeling with my ex. For him, he think that it's all too late to mend our relationship because he was too tired with all my break up thing and also I do not follow his instruction. We had a very happy times before but since after the broke up thingy which I handled it as not what he wished, he felt so tiring and disappointed.

Please do let me know on how to mend the relationship? Or any other precious opinions?

[Homegirl 50]

Personally I would not stay with a guy who gets upset because I don't follow his instructions. He's not your father.
Maybe because you cheated with him while you were with your ex, he does not trust you to not cheat again. It might be best to just leave him alone completely. If he does not trust you there is little you can do, unless you want to start obeying his every wish, and that is just crazy.

[Disney87]

Hi Homegirl 50,

Thanks for your reply and advice.
Yes, you're right with that. And most of the time, he is trying to throw a tantrum and play emotional game with me. He does also used words such as I am heartless and I never take care how he feel and I am insensitive towards him. The most funny part is he always said that's it. We are over... And when I can get back to my own feet, he comes back again... I do never question him why does he comes back again because I feel happy as I thought our relationship could be as happy as last time... But this time, just because I reply my ex-bf's sms regarding on a business, he is trying to doubt me again and also play emotional tantrum. I just feel I don't know how to handle him but I also don't know why every time I can't answer when he questioned.

[Fr_Chuck]

He was OK with seeing you and you were with the other guy ( will tell you a lot about his values and what he may do latter also)

We all have memories and over time, something of great value now may not be. It is not his place to tell you what you can or can not keep. Perhaps you could discuss what you keep hanging on the walls, but not just keep.

Next how did he even know, you should have your own private places and things he does not go though.

[Disney87]

Ya, he does told me a lot of his values and what he may do later.. So could you give me some ideas what's the next thing he will do?

well, he did request me to tell him whateva my ex-bf doing during that break up moment which is like giving cup, flowers and cards. I did told him everything because I know how tired it is for cheating someone which I had done before.

And soon after I break up, I move to my own apartment and when he came by, he saw it.. and that's how the thing got leak out :(

[Fr_Chuck]

You just tell him NO, he needs to get used to hearing that word. Tell him that it is your apartment and over time you may get rid of things, but it is not his place to tell you what to do.

Put the ball back into his court, make it his issue and his problem and let him decide what he wants to do

[Disney87]

But then if tell him No or what, he will keep on using words and emo to makes me feel more annoy and irritating and then ended up quarrel again. Now what I want is the peaceful happy past relationship that we had together. Which is seems now it's more impossible...

But at times I do think is it he is trying to do all this thing to psycho me? So that I can think more about him and the problem and also not dare to contact my ex again? Is it this is his tactic trying to get all of me and let me chop off the connection and any memories with my ex... this is always what I am wandering which is now I think our relationship is from feeling more to from using brain right now... *sigh*

[Homegirl 50]

He is manipulating you and a relationship like that is not good. You really need to move on.
This will not get any better

[Disney87]

Hi All,

I really can't take it anymore with this guy's manipulation and emotional torturing. I would like to move ON and end it. However, it does not know why everytimes when I decided to move on and end it after a fight with him (which he also does said I'm not worth it and I am the most worst girl he has met afterall), but ended up, he will appear in front of me again and act like nothing happen. That's make me couldn't know how should I end it. I would like to end it peacefully without any emotional tantrum anymore from him.

Sometimes his this kind of emo torture attitude has make me think that he's in fact not ready to for relationship or otherwise he does purposely want to make a fight. To be honest, he has a family (wife and daughter) which he proclaimed that he has no feeling towards her and she's like a stranger to him. She does request him to move back to his parent house for living. That's how we got together after that.

I do admit at some point of time I do lie to him because his bad emo and moody attitude whenever I mentioned about my ex boyfriend (which that time does not break up). He knew it earlier that the ring I wore was from my ex boyfriend.. he did ask whether it is an engagement ring and I said no, I bought it myself (that was when I still attached with my ex). But when I broke up with my ex, with all the tantrum this guy gave me, at the end, he still return to me and treat me nicely... but out of a sudden, he is asking about the ring again. And this time, I tell him the truth... I said it's not engagement ring because we just wear it for fun without any serious commitment. I knew if I told him earlier, for sure he will not feel good and I take care of his feeling.. and he just said that he do rather me telling him the truth and cheat my ex boyfriend that I lost the ring.. and that time the ex was my boyfriend.. how could I said sth to him like that...

I do really need help some evaluation on this guy and how to handle him... I do really wanted to know how to end with him in a peaceful and polite way...

[Homegirl 50]

You tell him the relationship is not working and you're leaving. You then go NC. You don't communicate with him and don't answer his calls or text.
This relationship is messed up. It is dysfunctional. Neither of you are happy. End it.