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Louise123Annie · May 14, 2012, 05:49 AM

I've been going out with my boyfriend for just over 6 months. He lives across the hall from me in my flat (this is how we met) so it's virtually impossible not to see him everyday. We've pretty much spent every hour together for the past 6 months so I'm often saying that our extreme fighting is due to not much time away from each other. He has came to visit my family across the country and was the first official person I brought home, I have holidays booked with him in July with my family and we plan to house share next year.
We have always had huge fights, even since the start. We started of as "friends with benfits" but I, being a woman, got attached. He was always talking to a girl downstairs and would have sex with me then talk to her on Facebook less than an hour later. As time progressed he stopped talking to her (or so I believe) and we ended up becoming an acutal couple. He has a very slutty past whereas I've had realtionships and only slept with a few people, this has always made me very insecure. After Christmas we started fighting almost every day.Over small, irrelevant things. But the fights were enormous. On valentines day he did nothing and I made him a hamper of all his favourite things, he then turned the fight around on me saying that I shouldn't have bothered. The same on my birthday, he had nothing planned for me and made me do the dishes myself, I didn't even get a card.
Recently he has pushed and shoved me the odd time, nothing serious, slight bruising but his other flat mates have heard it and said I should do something about it. I'm not sure, I can't really tell if it's just the way we are or if he has worn me down. He's called me fat and disgusting before ( I'm a UK size 8 so I know I'm not 'fat') and I cry almost every day but I've always thought of myself to be strong and have high self esteem. I don't know whether I'm being dramatic or if his really is something I need to leave. I love him lots and he always comes back after a fight and apologises. He always makes fun of how weak I am and how I have no upper body strength yet in fights he will throw me across the room. Please help.x

MISSV730 · May 14, 2012, 05:59 AM

He does seem abusive but not to the point you have to leave.
Try talking to him at first, telling him you don't like it even if he apolizes.
But if it gets worse about the name calling and bruises then its time to leave
This is only my two cents...

Luvstruck · Jun 25, 2012, 11:19 PM

I disagree with the first answer. I do think that you should leave. Relationships should make both people feel happy and whole. A relationship, especially just a dating one, should never cause emotional abuse or physical abuse. Regardless of the level of abuse, it is abuse in that he has hurt you. If you are crying on any sort of regular basis because of a relationship, end it. It is not worth it to remain in this relationship. He may apologize, and the apologies may be sincere, but the apologies don't keep him from hurting you again. Get out and maybe be friends after you have time to recover. Please, take my advice and if you were happier in the relationship in the end, then get back in it, but I think you will be much more happy outside of it.

nancydal · Jun 26, 2012, 03:38 AM

Hi. I agree with luvstruck, but I also want to mention that verbal abuse can cause even more damage than physical. Being emotionally abused and called names makes your self-esteem take a hit. Furthermore, if it has all ready escalated to some pushing and shoving, you need out NOW. My fear for you is that it will only escalate further. Couples do fight, but what you're describing isn't normal. Plus, if you live in the same flat, consider switching floors or moving else where. He may not take the breaking up thing well. If he starts harassing you in any way after the break-up, do not tolerate it. You have every right to have a clean break and move on and heal. Take care...

JANNYPOO · Jun 26, 2012, 06:31 AM

As someone abused for 8 and a half years, my advice is drop him like a brick. He has no respect for you if he has sex then chats to other girls. Why would you want to stay with someone like that?

In this type of relationship, both people are generally damaged or have self esteem issues. He because he resorts to aggressive behaviour and you because you take it.

If he is so special then tell him if he does not change his behaviour you are gone. If he wonn't then drop him, see friends and find someone that will respect you. Work on yourself esteem too. If you stay you will lose all self respect and his behaviour will get worse. I am someone who knows.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2012, 07:33 AM

I see no future in this relationship, that has turned more bad than good and has become unhealthy for you both. Time to end this.

WisperWill70 · Jun 26, 2012, 09:22 AM

So... the even better question is: why are you not with someone who loves you and chooses to be with you and wants to be attached to YOU? You're punishing yourself by being with this abusive (yes!) disconnected guy who controls you with fear and violence and isn't committed to you.

Why? I recommend you start taking a deep look at what brought you to this relationship in the first place and why you don't believe in your own worth/goodness. Something in your family background is popping up in a present relationship -- talk to someone (a counselor) about how to move on from this relationship and choose better ones.