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Girl9999 · May 14, 2012, 02:21 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years and we've lived together for 2 years. I'm 26 and he's 25. We haven't had sex in over a year. I was just wondering if this is normal or not? We had sex a lot in the beginning and when we moved in together it slowed down to maybe 2-4 times a month and now it's been at least a year. I don't really know why... I love him so much and see myself with him forever but whenever I think about having sex with him I feel shy... it's weird... or sometimes when we're being intimate like kissing I feel awkward and shy. I honestly don't mind that we haven't had sex but I'm wondering if that's normal for our age (I don't think it is). And it's weird because I used to LOVE sex... I couldn't go a day without it. And now everything is different. I still pleasure myself but it seems like my boyfriend and I just lost the sexual connection. I was just wondering what you think about this. Besides the sex issue, our relationship is perfect. We never fight. Why am I shy or why don't I seem to want sex with him anymore? We walk around naked in front of each other all the time and we cuddle and hug and hold hands... but no sex...

smoothy · May 14, 2012, 04:59 AM

Originally Posted by Girl9999

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years and we've lived together for 2 years. I'm 26 and he's 25. We haven't had sex in over a year. I was just wondering if this is normal or not? We had sex a lot in the beginning and when we moved in together it slowed down to maybe 2-4 times a month and now it's been at least a year. I don't really know why....I love him so much and see myself with him forever but whenever I think about having sex with him I feel shy....it's weird....or sometimes when we're being intimate like kissing I feel awkward and shy. I honestly don't mind that we haven't had sex but I'm wondering if that's normal for our age (I don't think it is). And it's weird because I used to LOVE sex....I couldn't go a day without it. And now everything is different. I still pleasure myself but it seems like my boyfriend and I just lost the sexual connection. I was just wondering what you think about this. Besides the sex issue, our relationship is perfect. We never fight. Why am I shy or why don't I seem to want sex with him anymore? We walk around naked in front of each other all the time and we cuddle and hug and hold hands...but no sex...

Well to start with... its not unusual for the frequency to drop after you have been together for a while... its also not unusual for the frequency to drop after you shack up.

And you are completely ignoring a huge factor here... because after all... this isn't just about you.

What's going on with him? Medical issues... what meds are he on... has he even been to a doctor for a physical in recent years? How stressed has he been at work in the crappy economy the last couple years? How hard does he physically have to work...

All those things are important...

Girl9999 · May 14, 2012, 02:00 PM

He's never been on any meds but I'm not sure the last time he went for a physical. With work he only has a part time job but we're fine financially because of my job. He plays World of Warcraft all day pretty much... and I do all the cooking cleaning and laundry so really he has it pretty good... he seems happy. He has lots of friends and we're always having fun together... but hehasnt had a physical for as long as I've known him but he doesn't have insurance or anything. I'll try to get him to go get one...

smoothy · May 14, 2012, 05:10 PM

I know people that have been on high blood pressure medication since they were 15... that is one thing that is a libido killer for some... (besides something that can kill him if left untreated).

Becoming diabetic is another... just some of the unknowns that should not be left unknown. Both have few if any symptoms.

Fr_Chuck · May 14, 2012, 05:39 PM

So he does not work ? He plays video games all day, perhaps it is a self worth issue.

WisperWill70 · May 16, 2012, 03:19 PM

Some people simply do not have the desire for sex. Believe it or not there are couples out there who describe themselves as content with very few sexual encounters and even no sex. What's "normal" is only to be defined from within your comfort levels between you and your partner.

If this doesn't feel OK or normal then there might be some intimacy issues in play. From what you say he's not on medications but he may have other issues which damage sex drive. Playing WoW all day long can be fun - or it can be an escape from real world/depression... depression can be a huge factor in loss of libido. (Plus being on a computer all the time makes you just a "warm body" in his life... in your comfy routine.. it's hard to spice things up in the bedroom.)

You may simply need to reconnect to each other more or he may need a check up medically.