[Anabelle]

Okay, this is strange for me. I have never done anything like this before but I just don't know what to do. I am sure that my husband is an alcholic/binge drinker. He only drinks about once a month but when he does so he drinks like a case of beer and doesn't stop drinking until he passes out. He knows I hate it and swears he not an alocholic. He thinks I am stuck up and can't cut loose because I think it is stupid to drink yourself senseless. He isn't violent when he drinks anymore, he is just stupid and mean. He says hateful things and drives around with his loser friends and brother in my truck drinking. He even got so drunk about two months ago and his drunk brother stole my new truck and smashed the side. He thinks he doesn't have a problem because he doesn't drink everyday. But when he does drink- every other month or so he drinks for two to three days straight.
I love my husband because when he is sober he is my world but I just can't stand the drinking. He swore to me he would stop about two months ago but then he came home Saturday drunk. Sunday was a waste of a day he was too sick to go out and today he picked me up from the train drinking- this is too much for me.
I want to help him but I don't know how. Should I leave for a while? Should I just take him to an AA class? What can I do to show him he needs some help? He comes from a long line of drinkers and I will say that he drank every weekend and sometimes more when we met but he cut done for me. He drinks when he gets depressed. I need some advise- please tell me how I can help him. :confused:

[grammadidi]

Addictions are different for everybody. It does sound like your husband is an alcoholic.

This is tough, but you can't really help him. In fact, the more you try to help him may just enable him. He needs to help himself.

The first thing you should do is get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. There you will find support from people going through the same things that you are. They will offer you a wealth of support and experience. If you go to one, give it a few tries to see if it's a fit. You can also go to open AA meetings, but for now I'd stick to Al-Anon. If you don't feel like you will get what you need there, try another one in a different location.

Secondly, you need to tell your husband that your idea of marriage is not having a husband who gets drunk once a month for 2 or 3 days straight. Tell him this when he is sober, by the way. Tell him how much he is hurting you and you expect more in a good marriage. Do NOT drive with him if he has been drinking AT ALL. Tell him that if he drinks and drives you will call the police... and stick to it.

Only you know what you can and will tolerate. It doesn't mean you don't love him or want to be married to him... you just aren't happy with a man who values his wife so little that he would do those things. You need to set your limits and if he crosses the line you have to determine what the consequences will be. Al-Anon will help you with that.

Set yourself up with lots of support, hun.. you're going to need it to stay strong.

Hugs, Didi

[shygrneyzs]

It is not so much that a person drinks that makes him or her an alcoholic - it is how they drink, why they drink. The pattern of behavior when they drink, the pattern of drinking, and the (in your husband's case) not stopping until he is senseless, and the denial.
Of course they can always find the one who is "worse". But you are not comparing your husband to someone else.

Didi is right, you cannot help him BUT you can help yourself and you can help your children. There is Al-Anon for families. You can learn tools that will equip you with the right words to say, how to enforce what you say, and how to start taking care of yourself and children (if you have any).

You can tell your husband that the time for change has come and he can either get on board or go his way. That you are not responsible for his drinking and you are not responsible for the consequences of his drinking. He cleans up his own messes. You can certainly recommend AA to him, but you cannot make him go. It would be wonderful if he would consent to an alcohol evaluation. Sometimes, when faced with losing family, the alcoholic will agree.

Loving him does not mean you have to accept this any longer. Loving yourself means you will take the necessary steps to get yourself emotionally healthy and prepared for what lies ahead.

Best of all possible outcomes for you.

[isabelle]

Of course your husband can be a an alcoholic/binge drinker. It is so common that many books have been written about it
Your husband has to help himself, you can support him, but you can not help him.
As some others have said you need to find a support group for you. You are important also and his drinking affects you and your children ( if you have any.)
Every time you allow him to drink at his convenience you are being an enabler. Draw the line in the sand and tell him ( when he is sober ) that you can not deal with his drinking one more time. Most of the time I do not like to involve the police but with his drinking so much and becoming "mean" I worry that it will escalate. You don't want it to go that far. The things he has done will take a while to forgive. I know you are hurting and I know you will be hurt more and more as this goes on.
IF he is being "mean" you need to call the police and follow through. He has to understand that you will not tolerate this behavior. Then I have to say be prepared to follow through.

[CinnamonBrownie]

Hi,

Of course a 39 year old man can be a binge drinker. I mean this in the most tactful way, believe me, but have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous? They can help more than just him, they can help you, too, even if he won't try a meeting.

http://aa.org