[wonderworld123]

Girlfriend and I of 16 months both moved away from each other for the year to new cities, so we became long distance. We were having some problems with our relationship, which was strained by the distance and the time difference. 6 weeks into the long distance relationship, she tells me she doesn't feel the relationship is working out, and tells me she is going to see another man. She tells me if I were a better boyfriend, appreciated her more, and showed her that we had a good future together, then she would not have done this. A week before this, I had asked her about what was going on with this new guy she met at her work, and she kept reassuring me that "nothing was going on, you're still the special guy in my life, dont worry". A week later, I guess that's all irrelevant because "i am a terrible boyfriend".

I was devastated and heartbroken and tried everything I could to win her back. Eventually she told me she still likes me too, but didn't know who to choose, and said she needed some time. So while I talked to her online and the phone everyday long distance, she kept dating that guy apparently, but told him she wasn't sure who she wanted to be. She said she wanted to 'compare and see who is better'. This kind of made me angry. I gave her 4 months--she talked me everyday and told me she wants to be with me, have a future with me, and told me to wait for her. I told her to break up with the other guy--but she kept saying "DONT PUSH ME, DONT PRESSURE ME". I felt guilty for pressuring her, but at the same time my, conscience was telling me she was trying to string both of us along. She had the best of both worlds--her ex who she is emotionally attached to, and some new guy. She told me if she broke up with him she would have no one to hang out with on the weekend anymore.

Eventually she broke up with the guy--now she said she wants to work things out with me and said she won't be hanging around that guy anymore. But being long distance... who the hell knows what's going on? She could be telling me the truth, or she could be lying to me and still seeing him until I move back to her current city. When I went back to visit her area, I actually caught her with the other guy in her room when I came unannounced. She said there was 'nothing going on', he was just 'hanging out'. She said said I have "no right to complain" because we are not officially together yet---just working things out. That made me so angry. That's on a technicality...


I feel very confused. She has blamed everything on me... arguing if I was a better boyfriend then this love triangle wouldn't have happened. But from my perspective, I kind of felt betrayed. She lied to me about him. I feel she manipulated the whole thing into my fault. But based on our past memories, I still like her a lot, I hope we really can get back together eventually. Not too long ago, she says she wants to try things again these days, even to suggest we are 'exclusive' and promised me she won't see him. But then again, this week she said she doesn't want to promise me over the guy issue because, again, "we're not even together, i dont have to do anything".

I'm so confused. I know I have technically no right to tell her what to do. But wants me to treat her like a princess and be good to her (as if she was my gf) but she doesn't want to promise me to stay away from that guy.. after all this.. What should I do? How should I respond to her?

[Fr_Chuck]

This is thus what happens on long distance relationship, there is no real date on Friday night, no one to be there locally when you need someone. That is why they normally fail,

She is still blaming and you are still demanding, it will not work.

[wonderworld123]

So what should I do? I only demand because she promised and now she doesn't want to promise. How should I respond to such dilemma?