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Irenram · May 9, 2012, 10:55 PM

My 5 year old has been hitting, telling other kids let play a game nobody talk to kid A. Chasing girls trying to kiss them, pushing at school. I get have been getting emails everyday after lunch for the past 2 weeks. It's getting worse, I have tried everything no TV if you are in trouble at school, telling him he might have to switch schools next year, taking favorite toys away. The teacher and I have been working together but we are both lost. I feel like the worst Mother ever, I did not raise him to be a bully. Should I change schools next year ? What can I do to help him overcome this? He now won't tell me when he gets in trouble. And says he can't remember who he hit or what he did.

jenniepepsi · May 9, 2012, 11:00 PM

Many parents are against this. But it works for some. Have you considered Spankings?

Every day, when he comes home, if he was violent in school, he gets a spanking after school.

Fr_Chuck · May 9, 2012, 11:05 PM

I would assume the school and/or the teacher is talking to you about the behavior when it happens. So is he without any toys, no TV, no computer usage and has to earn anything back. Has he started counseling for behavior issues and anger issues ?

And does he want to change school and is doing this ?

Is this a Pre K program?

Wondergirl · May 9, 2012, 11:27 PM

First of all, I'm guessing if you move him to a different school, the bad behavior will move might along with him. He's in kindergarten? He's at a stage like the terrible twos when he can become upsetting as he tries out this and that to see what kind of power he has, what can he get away with. Most kids don't go through this stage in such an obvious way. Now I can hear people who are reading this shouting at their monitor screens, "WG's crazy. The boy has ADHD or is a sociopath [or some such]." Maybe, and a doctor visit shouldn't be ruled out.

Here's what I would do first. I would find and hire someone to be there when the boy is at school. This person would be a stranger (a male could also go into the bathroom when the child does with the other boys) and would be there at all times to observe and take notes. The boy would know the stranger was watching him and making a list. (Sound like anyone you know?) Mom would receive (separate) daily reports from both the person and her son. This would go on for two weeks.

Irenram · May 9, 2012, 11:31 PM

Working with the teacher and its usually lunch time when this happens there are no adult monitors. So she says any hitting there pulled in right away. She told me not to punish at home because she feels that it's getting very stressful for him and now the kids are telling on him which makes him sad. He says the kids think of him as the bad kid! I talk to him about his behavior but he never has an answer. I have asked for the school counsellor to get involved. This is full day kindergaten. We don't want to resort to spanking.

Irenram · May 9, 2012, 11:37 PM

We have seen two child counsellors and they both agree not ADHD. They say behavior adjustment.

Wondergirl · May 10, 2012, 08:34 AM

No lunch monitors? Yes, I agree with the behavior adjustment. So he behaves during class, but not during free time?

Fr_Chuck · May 10, 2012, 08:47 AM

Agree, he is not understanding his punishments for the behavior, he has done it, is not being stopped from doing it, and it haves him a sense of being better or stronger or in charge, or at least the other kids fear him.

I will agree, a spanking at times makes him understand the behavior is not called for if all else has failed.

DoulaLC · May 11, 2012, 04:46 PM

Quite a few questions:

Is this a very obvious change in his normal behavior? Has there been any changes in his life in the last several weeks? Family changes? Arguments or stressful situations at home? A loss in the family?

Have there been any incidents in the last month or so of him being picked on at school, or anywhere else? Any changes at school? Have they been learning new things that he has had difficulty with? What is his teacher's classroom management plan look like? What are consequences for good choices and for poor choices?

Is he aware that you and his teacher are communicating back and forth?

Does he behave this way with friends at home?

Have you tried a reward system for when he makes good behavior choices?