Check out some similar questions!

fireball85 · Apr 30, 2012, 07:21 AM

Hi, I have been going with this woman for almost a year. We ste engaged to be married next year She is in her late 40's but looks and has a body of a 30 year old. I'm in my early 40's.
My problem is that her 18 year old son is always asking for a kiss from her ( on the lips) and this would be at home and in public places. Also at home he just walks into our bedroom or at least he did until I put a stop to it. So what he does is wait until I'm out off the room and he then just walks in on his mum. It could be when she is changing or she has just come out of the bath or while we are trying to be intimate with each other. He would just stand there and start talking which is just so inappropriate. Remember he is 18 yrs old. Am I just being stupid or is this so wrong that he does this. I have made my fiancÃ©e aware of this last night and at first she said I shouldn't say anything about it but then I'm hoping reality kicked in and she started crying. I felt so bad for telling her this but I had to let her know that it made me feel uncomfortable.
I don't think they should be kissing on the lips in public or at home and he should give his mum respect and stop walking in on her if she is in the bedroom, toilet or wherever she is. It's so disrespectful
Sammy

JudyKayTee · Apr 30, 2012, 07:27 AM

I don't know what her body has to do with any of this BUT, yes, I think it's inappropriate. The problem is that she doesn't think it's inappropriateor disrespectful (obviously).

She started crying when you calmly told her that his behavior is inappropriate? It's taken you a year to talk to her about this?

I feel like something is missing from the story.

fireball85 · Apr 30, 2012, 09:38 AM

I mentioned her body because her son has sneaky looks at her when she is in her dressing gown or when he walks in on her/us when she has nothing or little on and he would come off with a comment about her being cold if her nipples are poking through if you know what I mean.
The reason it's taken a year to tell her is that you can't say anything about her teenage kids even though she tells me I can.
I have a young daughter and I get her to kiss me on my cheek also she would knock or bedroom door and wait till we told her to come in. If a 9 year old can do that why can't an 18 year old?
My two best friends have teenage kids and they kiss them on their check plus they wait at the bedroom door.
After I spoke to her, I awoke during the night and noticed she was online looking at mother son relationships but I ddnt tell her that I had seen this.
All day she has been nice to me. Wonder if this is the calm before the storm lol

jenniepepsi · Apr 30, 2012, 05:45 PM

Hate to tell you this, but it is their choice. There is nothing illegal about it. I still kiss my father on the lips, and my mother. Some families are closer than others. My daughter is almost 9 and we frequently kiss on the lips.

Some people are uncomfortable with this. Some are not.
Unless they are sexual, there is nothing wrong with it.

And in the unlikely event that a mother and son DO become sexual, he is 18. It is not illigal in most states.

This is something that needs to be addressed before you marry. If you are unable to live with the fact that your wife to be and her son choose to express their love this way, than this may not be the family for you.

Alty · Apr 30, 2012, 06:00 PM

Until the day my parents died I still kissed both of them on the lips, and hugged them. I was 30 when they both died, and I can tell you that nothing inappropriate ever happened in my childhood with my parents.

When I see my Aunts and Uncles we hug and kiss on the lips.

I kiss both of my kids on the lips, and hug them. My son is 13, and my daughter is 9.

I don't see anything wrong with a child kissing their parents. For some people it's an issue, but most people that have a healthy relationship with their children see nothing wrong with showing normal affection for those children.

If you want your kids to kiss you on the cheek instead of your mouth, that's your call as a parent, and it's your right. But, unless you actually catch the son having sex with his mother, or watching her shower, or anything else that could be considered inappropriate, I really see nothing that's ringing alarms based on what you've written. They seem to be close, and in my book that's not a bad thing.

The only thing I'd ask is that she talk to him about knocking on the door before he enters her bedroom. But, it sounds like she may have been a single mom for a long time, and until you came along there was no reason to suspect that mom was having an intimate moment, which would necessitate knocking.

I have to agree with Jennie. If this is not something you can handle, then maybe she isn't the right woman for you. Some families are more affectionate than others. They seem to be affectionate, and you very obviously aren't.

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2012, 04:47 AM

I'm less concerned about the kissing - my family kisses - than I am about the "sneaky" looks and wandering in on Mom in various stages of undress. Apparently the only person bothered by any of this is the OP.

I'm not sure which of the parties has the problem.

Alty · May 1, 2012, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm less concerned about the kissing - my family kisses - than I am about the "sneaky" looks and wandering in on Mom in various stages of undress. Apparently the only person bothered by any of this is the OP.

I'm not sure which of the parties has the problem.

Sadly we're only getting the OP's side of all of this, and with this sort of thing I really think the complete picture, all the family members able to tell their side, would allow us to answer this question better.

Since that's not likely to happen, I think that the only option for the OP is family counseling. If the fiancé, her son, and the OP go to a counselor, maybe then this can be resolved. I doubt it will be resolved here on AMHD. Not enough to go on.

jenniepepsi · May 1, 2012, 03:30 PM

Isn't it normal for teenagers to peek in on female family members? My cousin peeked at all of us in our bathing suits until he was almst 20.

Alty · May 1, 2012, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

Isnt it normal for teenagers to peek in on female family members? My cousin peeked at all of us in our bathing suits until he was almst 20.

I'd have to say that no, it's not normal. It's perverted for an adult to spy on any females, family or not.

Privacy should be respected, especially when the person invading that privacy is an adult and should know better. So I do agree with the OP that the 18 year old son should respect his mothers privacy, and not spy on her, if that's in fact what he's doing, which we don't know for sure.

marq123 · Jan 29, 2013, 10:33 PM

I am an adult with 3 kids and still kiss my parents on the lips as well with my kids. I agree that it is normal in a lot of family's however I would have to say that the weird looks and comments about the mothers nipples is inappropriate from the sound of what you wrote. However regardless nobody can make a clear judgement on here because we aren't there and can't see it. We can only go off what you're telling us. I would have to agree that if it that bothersome family counseling would be a great idea.