[furlong]

We have been married for a about a year now. It was an arranged marriage. Initially my wife never used to get intimate with me, I thought that she must be feeling shy and may take time to get comfortable so I did not force her, but even after many months she never showed any interest in getting close. I then asked her the reason for this behavior, she told with tears in her eyes that she was frequently molested and sexually exploited my one of her relatives when she was in her teens. She was too scared to protest and silently endured the suffering, as a result she said that she has a negative mindset about men and that they always exploit women. That is the reason she is scared to get intimate with me and felt that I would judge her negatively if she had told me about this before. She wept so much that it took a long time for me to console her. I really felt sorry for her and insisted on lodging a complaint against the relative considering the pain and insult she had to undergo, but she told that she just wants to forget her past once and for all. How can I express my feelings for her in a sensitive way, without hurting her. How can I make her open up and come out of her inhibitions. I really love her a lot and respect her, I will never force myself on her and treat her like an object. I want to make her understand that I won't judge her and support her completely as a husband. I just want to help get her confidence back. To be honest it is really painful for me to see her suffer alone.

All suggestions are welcome, especially from women.

[DoulaLC]

Is it possible that she would be willing to see a female counselor or therapist? Many times this sort of trauma requires professional help. Your love, understanding, and compassion are tremendous and will be very helpful, but it may not be enough for something this deeply felt.

Maybe she would be more comfortable going on her own, or maybe she would be more comfortable if you went with her. It would certainly be something to discuss with her.