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wayne forester · Apr 30, 2012, 08:09 AM

My mother in law has 8 children, 5 are males, of which 1 son lives with her.
She is an 80 widow that is still living in a large home by herself.
The home is really run down, she won’t spend any money to call handy man to fix up the place.

Her sons are very lazy and do not do any work for her around her house, especially the one that lives with her.
She will not ask any of her sons for help, because she knows they won’t do it.
However as the son in-law, she is constantly expecting me to do all the projects around her house.
I don’t mind doing small things for her but now the renovations requests are large in scope, such as renovating a kitchen, renovated 3 bathrooms, replacing all the flooring in her home, building a new deck.

I own my own home and also try to help my elderly parents with their home.
It’s very hard for me to help maintain 3 homes.
My wife will tell her mother that I am busy, but when we visit she is constantly dropping hints about the projects and will often use guilt to get me to commit

What is the best way to handle this, it causing me a lot of stress?

Jake2008 · Apr 30, 2012, 08:20 AM

It is important that you make yourself clear to her, and to her children, who are all capable adults from what you have said.

Prepare a letter, with .a copy the letter to all the siblings. Something like this:

Dear 'Greta',

I'm sorry to tell you that I can no longer commit to doing repairs to your home.

I have other obligations, projects, and work to do on my own home.

Hopefully you will hire a contractor to do the larger jobs you have in mind, and enlist the help of your sons to do the smaller jobs.

Thank you for your understanding,

You.

You are a very handy guy- not just to your mother in law, but also her 8 kids, who are not contributing in a meaningful way. And why? Because you have taken over the role that they should be managing. If money is a problem, that too is their problem, and for small repairs particularly, surely the lot of them can come up with a contractor, and the money to pay him.

It is time to put a stop to this.