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justwantanswers · Apr 29, 2012, 04:41 PM

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year and have a 5 month old baby. He has never been one to make the first move and when I do it seems like he feels obligated to do anything when he actually does or he makes excuses like he is to tired. I have even waited for him hoping he would get the point and come on to me for once but when I wait a few days he just goes and watches porn and masterbates and completely forgets about me. I have talked to him several times and told him how this makes me feel, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. We get along really well and he is the love of my life and he says he feels the same and when we are together in bed it is the best love making of my life. What am I doing wrong?

talaniman · Apr 29, 2012, 05:11 PM

Like you said, he has never been the one to make the first move, so why do you expect him to change all of a sudden? Maybe its an issue now because you are needing it more now since giving birth, and you need his extra attention.

That doesn't excuse him being insensitive to your needs, you just have to keep talking to him about it to penetrate his thick male skull. Or tell him you need to feel wanted, and until he knows how he sleeps on the couch. You have only been together for a year, and have a 5 month old, so you have been pregnant for most of this relationship, and trust me, baby or not, love or not, that's still the learning about each other stage.

Keep talking.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 29, 2012, 05:27 PM

Many men do not, many men prefer a much more aggressive women in bed and would not turn on or get excited with out it even. This is how YOUR relationship with him works, he wants you to be the one to come on.

Why do you think he would or even why do you think he wants to change.

Perhaps you can start a night of role playing * you set it up* and make him play a role to someone coming on to you ?

justwantanswers · Apr 29, 2012, 06:06 PM

We are both 27 and divorced. This was never a problem between him and his ex wife. I had us talk about our past relationships to see if there was anything there that could help us now. He had a great sex life with his ex and can't explain why he can't give me the same attention as he did her. This is really starting to take its tole on me and I feel bad about the way I look and it would be nice to feel desired once in a while.

talaniman · Apr 29, 2012, 06:17 PM

So he is supposed to act like he did with his first wife? The one he divorced? And they had great sex??

and when we are together in bed it is the best love making of my life. What am I doing wrong?

I am confused here?!

justwantanswers · Apr 29, 2012, 06:40 PM

It's the affection and the romance that I want. He seems that he would rather be by himself in that area. I just want him to act like he desires me and I don't know what else to do I have talked to him till I was purple in the face and it doesn't get through to him. There is no romance.

I leave him love notes on sticky pads in the house and send him sexy text hoping that it might get him intrested and I even do the fantacy ideas that he reads about in stories that he reads when he "plays alone" it doesn't seem to help. If I leave him alone he just forgets I'm in the house and does his own thing. This is what I really need help with. I don't have any guy friends that I feel comfortable talking about this with and my girlfriend is no help, she just says that she doesn't have this problem.