[Professionalman]

I am very much in love with my girlfriend. We have been going out for 2 and a half years now and we are just made for each other. However, like all couples we argue now and again (recently more often) and what I have found is because I am so scared of losing her I don't feel I can ever tell her she might be in the wrong. I let her lecture me but it doesn't work the other way round because she is fairly stubborn and will argue to the point of saying well I'm not happy, hinting if I don't change she will leave. I don't mean to paint my girlfriend in a bad light she is the nicest person I have ever met and wouldn't be mean to anyone but I feel like she has the control just because I love her so much and don't want to lose her.

What do you do to get them to realize that they might be wrong? Or to gain some control?

[Fr_Chuck]

It will be like this ( and get worst) for the rest of you life, if you don't set limits or stand up for certain issues. My answer is counseling to learn to communicate

[talaniman]

If your fear of losing her makes you be less than honest, then that's not healthy for either of you, and leads to assuming, and presuming, resentments, and frustration. Its not a matter of control, but HONESTY, on your part.

Stop being a ninny, and start being honest, and in control of YOURSELF!! That doesn't mean being a controlling tyrant, but it does mean you speak your peace so she won't assume you go along or agree with what she is pushing.

When you make her unhappy by disagreeing, you better have a better idea, and be able to express it. Calmly, and rationally, but the most important tool to have is listening for the WHY of how she feels so you know what she wants by her position in the first place.

Never assume WHY, or how your partner feels. Ask why and pay attention. Then at least you know if her position is reasonable or just to keep YOU under control. Too much giving because of FEAR of losing her, opens any one up to manipulation, and loss of personal control over themselves.

That's not healthy either, as boundaries are crucial to both building a happy life, growth as a couple and as individuals, and working together.Don't fret. Building communication skills is a process that occurs over time, and to be fair, females are already good at it, and we fellows are not, as you are realizing. We do learn though, some quicker than others. You will learn, just listen, and NOT be distracted by your own FEARS!!

[mmresd]

You stopped being a push over. Lead gracefully in a relationship and things will run smooth, be led by someone who is controlling and get stomped. It is time to put your footdown and eating everything that is fed to you, only then can you regain some control of this. It will be hard, it seems like you have let this go on too long.