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LostPerson987 · Apr 22, 2012, 01:43 AM

Ok well this is a long story. Happened over a week. My girlfriend of almost three years broke up with me because we fought too much and she didn't feel like she used too. After a day I found out that she became friends with her ex of 4 years ago. We had a run in before when she went to his house after a fight and he kissed her and she left.

Anyway, she has been trying to decide if she should be with him or me. After a few days we hung out an things started to get really good again and I was positive she would pick me. Then I got on her fb account and she was talking to him a week before we broke up and went to his house the night after and almost had sex with him. (Said she told him to stop when he started taking her pants off after they already did some things. And she said she stopped because of me). This crushed me. Also they were even planning on hanging out again the night I had a long talk with her about everything. She even called him baby but said she regretted it. She said he seems distant so she doesn't think it will work with him but doesn't know for sure. Said if he wants to work on it she might stay with him.

I don't know what to do because she is my first real love and I want to be with her so bad. This guy is 8 years older than her and they started dating when she was 15. Thanks to anyone that made it through that I know it was a lot. I just am so confused and have No one to talk to. Thanks.

P.S. I found the majority of this out by logging onto her fb and reading the messages they had going. When I confronted her about it she told me the rest.

I just don't know what to think. She gave up 3 years with me for a maybe with some other d bag. Can't even sleep at this point. She is all I can think about.

But I keep running what probably happened through my head and it makes me sick. I also feel like of we do get back together I am going to need time to trust her and do things with her again. She was my first but she has been with three guys counting this one before me.

roxxyella · Apr 22, 2012, 03:17 AM

Originally Posted by LostPerson987

I just don't know what to think. She gave up 3 years with me for a maybe with some other d bag. Can't even sleep at this point. She is all I can think about.

But I keep running what probably happened through my head and it makes me sick. I also feel like of we do get back together I am going to need time to trust her and do things with her again. She was my first but she has been with three guys counting this one before me.

I don't know what to say for this, all I can think is maybe ask what she want you or the other guy, and then just sit and wait from there, if you are going to say something don't over tink it or you'll just get yourself all worked up about it, if your going to say anything just go up to her or how ever you going to talk to her
Just say it nothing rude nothing to soppy, and hope evrey thing goes well, good luck bud I hope she goes back to you,

talaniman · Apr 22, 2012, 09:04 AM

I have to warn you my friend that to ignore her cheating, dumping you and still wanting this other fellow is more an issue of your own judgment, and putting feelings, before common sense and facts, is not the way to make good decisions for yourself.

Love, or no love, fact is your love is one sided, and not returned, and you have no choice but to leave her alone, or continue to be played along, and bring more misery to yourself. By continuing to pursue a person who has done what she has done, is totally unacceptable to a person who values his dignity, and self respect, and that makes your love dangerous, and unhealthy.

You can make a better accounting for yourself if you wanted to do the right thing. Competing with another guy for love ain't it. You are just causing problems now, and in your own future.

LostPerson987 · Apr 22, 2012, 09:15 AM

Thank you both. It's just so hard, I honestly saw myself with her for the rest of my life. I never thought she could have done this. And that's the hardest part.

DoulaLC · Apr 22, 2012, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by LostPerson987

Thank you both. It's just so hard, I honestly saw myself with her for the rest of my life. I never thought she could have done this. And that's the hardest part.

Sadly, that is often the way it is when a partner cheats. She has made it clear that she doesn't know who she wants, so make it easy for her and bow out.

You certainly don't want to have to wonder whether she will run to him again the next time you have an argument, or if she'll wonder whether she made the right choice.

It is hard, certainly, and you will hurt over it for awhile, but it will get easier.

Maybe it would help to think of it this way: She has shown that she is a cheater, not ready to be in a serious relationship, and you know that you deserve better than that.

MLunaj · Apr 22, 2012, 09:52 AM

The only issue you're truly having here is within yourself.
What is it about you that makes you such a terrible person to deserve to be someone's option while you make them your priority?

WHY are you waiting around for SOMEONE ELSE (HER) to decide what's going to happen to YOU!. and in YOUR life?

Tell her she messed up with you. It doesn't meant you don't love her but she messed up and be the guy that got away, I guarantee you'll feel better than if you hold onto false hopes that she will ever respect you or want you the way you deserve to be.

LostPerson987 · Apr 22, 2012, 10:43 AM

The only thing I am still struggling with is that she said she broke up with me because it wasn't fair to me that she was thinking about him.

I think she is slowly figuring out how much of an a** hole this guy is. She said she 75% wants to be with me and 25% with him. Just because they have more fun together than we do. But I know him and he will dump her as soon as he gets bored just like he did the first time. She won't talk to anyone about what is going on so she can't see exactly how stupid she is being.

DoulaLC · Apr 22, 2012, 11:07 AM

Why are you struggling with what she said to you? She was honest. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. It's as though she will keep you around until she sees if something better comes along. Not to mention that she has shown that she is capable of cheating on you.

LostPerson987 · Apr 22, 2012, 11:39 AM

I guess it's because she said she wants closure from him and that's why she did this. Because she wanted to figure this out so it didn't come back later.

She talked to me today and said that she is going to meet him in a public place like I asked to tell him that things are not going to work out and that they can't talk anymore cause she wants to be with me. Only problem is I have to make sure this is completely what I want, I have to be sure I can handle it. I already told her that if anything like this happens again I am leaving without a question.
I know if they actually had sex I wouldn't even be on here because I know I wouldn't want her back.

elliot2000 · Apr 22, 2012, 03:12 PM

Don't feel bad about still having feelings for her. It is okay to give people second chances. I would just make sure she understands your terms. Be very clear when you tell her what is not acceptable for you... then forgive her. The trust will take time to return but you know that already.

You might even change your mind down the road after all this has settled. That's okay too. Just be honest with her to keep your conscience clean.

Good Luck - Elliot

LostPerson987 · Apr 22, 2012, 03:19 PM

Thank you everyone for the advice. Still trying to decide what to do. Elliott thank you too. What u said really helped me.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2012, 04:45 PM

Close this chapter of your life and heal, to prepare for the next chapter, and the second love of your life. At least come to terms with what has happened, and grow from it, without being stuck in it.

w4rr1or · Apr 23, 2012, 10:38 AM

I understand how you feel man but let me ask you this thing. Do you want to be with someone who can't decide if she wants to be with you or her ex after 3 years of being together? Be the one to make the decision, not her.

mmresd · Apr 23, 2012, 10:44 AM

Sometimes we go through some unfortunate events that we were not expecting. This is one of those cases. Now is time to be alone and gather yourself, a tramautic experience such as this one can create long lasting effects, and although I completely support learning from your mistakes, this one was not yours. You need to keep busy, start moving on, and if you ever come across another relationship, don't punish that girl for the mistake this one did.