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aaleyah644 · Apr 21, 2012, 11:52 PM

I don't even know how to begin. I'm at my breaking point and I'm going nuts. I've known my fiancé for about 8 years, we were just ***** buddies until a year and a half ago. We fell in love and started a relationship. January he proposed. I love this man with all my heart, but there are things that are ruining us.

First off, his cousin is a dam slut who can't hold a relationship, and TRIES all he can to make my fiancé go out looking for girls, or to strip clubs, or clubbing. When this happens it always leads to us fighting the rest of the night, because he keeps asking and asking, and my fiancé gives in and asks me to go. I would not mind him going out, but with this guy, HELL NO, why? The last time he went out with him, which was a month into relationship, they ended up brining girls to his house and I heard rumors, that my fiancé kept trying to have sex with some girl but when she said no, that's when my fiancé kicked everyone out. He denies it, but from me knowing him 8yrs, it sounds exactly how he WAS back then. I forgave but will not forget. That's where ALL my trust went out the window, and it has not come back.

Second: he gets insane when he gets drunk, his attitude gets 50% worse, and argues with me for everything and threatens to leave and go out with his cousin since he knows I hate the guy. The other day he said "I'm the effing boss in this relationship, what I say goes, if I want to go out, IM GOING OUT" yea I know, messed up. He acts like king of the world when he drinks, and funny thing is, he's a small little guy. LOL problem is, he drinks everyday, but only gets drunk when he's off the next day... He's always wanting to go out but I'm afraid now to tag along. We used to go out every weekend together and have fun, but now I'm on probation and I get anxiety even thinking about going out because I don't want to get in trouble. I've explained this over and over but always lasts about 2 days and goes back to partyng.

What I don't understand is when we got together he told me "I want to settle down, I'm done with the party stage" and now it's the opposite. I don't want to leave him I want to continue trying but, how is it going to work when only one person is trying? I'm always afraid of him cheating, and lying. Its not healthy, but I can't give up.

katieet · Apr 22, 2012, 05:34 AM

It seems that your fiancés cousin has a problem with you, have you ever tried asking him why he wants your fiancé go out to clubs etc. when he knows that he's in a relationship? Also I understand many people like a drink but it seems as if he likes it too much, that's something that is starting to destroy your relationship. If he can understand that he needs to sort it out you could make things work and get it sorted yourself or with some help.

JudyKayTee · Apr 22, 2012, 06:21 AM

Why are you on probation?

Maybe he was happy dating and he's not so happy in a relationship. I realize you find strip clubs gross (from your other post).

You don't own him. He gets to do what he wants. You get to leave if you don't like what he's doing.

You want to settle down. He doesn't. Sometimes it's as simple as that.

I read the open defiance and need to be the boss in what you've posted. Real turn off.

joypulv · Apr 22, 2012, 06:54 AM

He doesn't get to be your boss.
You don't get to be either (by telling him where he can and can't go).
So it's time you two had a serious discussion to ask, where is all this going?
BTW your texting and swear words are a real turn off online - if you could reply with less of that I think more people would read it.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2012, 07:05 AM

What are you holding onto? A drunk **** buddy whose words and actions don't match? This isn't a real relationship any way once the trust left.

What are you holding onto? Nothing but a dream.

none12345 · Apr 23, 2012, 08:33 PM

That's where ALL my trust went out the window, and it has not come back.
- If you can't trust someone, it's a horrible way to live. Knowing whether he's out cheating or anything. Don't put yourself in that position because you can't handle it which is why you're here seeking for answers.

Second: he gets insane when he gets drunk, his attitude gets 50% worse, and argues with me for everything and threatens to leave and go out with his cousin since he knows I hate the guy.
- He is hanging something over your head, threatening to do so. He threatens to leave, then let him leave, it's probably better for you ayways.

What I don't understand is when we got together he told me "I want to settle down, I'm done with the party stage" and now it's the opposite.
- Guys tell girls a lot of things to get things their way (not all guys are like this though) or people change their mind, and want to play mind games with you.

I don't want to leave him I want to continue trying but, how is it going to work when only one person is trying?
-Why are you continuing to try? What is there to hold on to? All you have pain, and he's not willing to work on the relationship.

Overall you should just move on with your life, you need someone who you can trust, who is a good compliment for you.

mmresd · Apr 27, 2012, 03:59 PM

Break up with him and let him go into his party stage again, obviously he still has an itch. It doesn't seem like he is ready to commit whether he has that influence there, especially since it is family, and family needs to be respected. Also, if there is no trust, there is no relationship, time to end this drama and move on with your life, before things get worse.