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foxrider7 · Apr 21, 2012, 12:03 PM

Well before I say what happened I want to say I have been feeling really bad that it happened and wish I could take it back. But before my sister started dating her boyfriend I liked him but we never worked out cause there was another guy I had a thing with but my sister started dating him and its been 4 months now. My sister is 22 , he's 19 and I'm 17. But every time we are around each other we are always flirting with one another and he always makes sexual remarks. My sister always thought we had something going on but we both always said no. I always thought he was attractive but didn't know how he felt about me. But 2 nights ago when we were all together including my mom , and my sister he started texting me and saying he liked me and he wanted to have sex with me and feel our bodies against one another and have me feel his ' stallion ' inside me. Me not thinking started saying stuff back that shouldn't have been said. We continued to talk like this for about 2 hours and it started to get more in depth and detailed and what we wanted to do to each other. My sister had no idea but he end up telling my sister what happened between us the next day and she was very mad obviously. She says she can't trust me or him and I feel like complete . My sister knows I would never do anything to her but she still can't trust me . When she asked what was said I started reading the texts and he got very defensive and showed he was guilty which made my sister made because he said it was a joke which is what is was supposed to be. Every one that knows what happens thinks he might like me deep down and that's why he got so defensive and just doesn't want my sister knowing. Do you think he might cause why else would he get so defensive knowing that what he said would eventually be told to my sister and why else would he always flirt with me ?

ScottGem · Apr 21, 2012, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by foxrider7

My sister had no idea but he end up telling my sister what happened between us the next day and she was very mad obviously. She says she can't trust me or him .... My sister knows i would never do anything to her but she still can't trust me .

Of course she can't trust either of you. Do you blame her.

And no, I don't think know you wouldn't do anything to her since you DID do something.

On the one hand, she's better off without him, since this is not something a guy does to his girlfriend. But you still betrayed her and only time will heal that wound.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 21, 2012, 12:34 PM

What a creep!
Tto do something like that with is girlfriend's sister while in the room with her. I wouldn't trust him either and I'd think twice before trusting you again. The guy was way off base and so were you. If anybody told your sister what happened it should have been you.

DoulaLC · Apr 21, 2012, 12:47 PM

I have to agree with the sentiment that while you say you wouldn't do anything, you already did... and plenty! Come on, this went on for 2 hours! It wasn't some one time smart remark.

There is not a thing you can do to change what has happened. All you can do now is apologize, again, to your sister and have absolutely nothing to do with this boy. Tell him you both were wrong and that you want no further contact from him.

Sadly, this has cost you dearly and, as was said, only time will heal things.

I have to ask... why do you care whether he likes you? You have already seen what kind of guy he is. Look at what he has done to your sister... someone who cared about him and trusted him. Now you know that he could just as easily do the same thing to you if you ever started dating.
Don't believe for a minute that he wouldn't. I am sure your sister didn't think he would either!

Do not even think about dating him. That would only hurt your sister even more and no guy is worth it.

foxrider7 · Apr 22, 2012, 10:14 AM

I would never do anything cause I knew it was all a joke , he was the one who took it seriously , and I know I should have told my sister but he beat me to it , no one knows how bad I feel and the part that pisses me off is she's still mad at me but he got away with it , and they are back to normal. Shouldn`t she be mad at him when he started it & was saying worse stuff then me , we are both at blame but I'm still getting hated on..

DoulaLC · Apr 22, 2012, 11:19 AM

She should be mad at both of you. You said you had liked him before he and your sister even started dating. Even if you were joking, you said he was taking it seriously, and yet you kept it going on anyway.

I don't know how she would be able to trust him, but that is her choice. You are family and above anyone else, family should always have your back.

Avoid him from now on. Don't respond to any text, conversation, flirting, anything. Don't even let yourself be in a room alone with him... if need be, leave the room. You will have to show your sister that you have no interest in him. In time, she will likely trust you again.

ScottGem · Apr 22, 2012, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by foxrider7

I would never do anything cause i knew it was all a joke , he was the one who took it seriously , and i know i should have told my sister but he beat me to it , no one knows how bad i feel and the part that pisses me off is shes still mad at me but he got away with it , and they are back to normal. Shouldn`t she be mad at him when he started it & was saying worse stuff then me , we are both at blame but im still getting hated on..

You may have thought it a joke, but he didn't and your sister didn't. And you should have thought how they would feel about it.

I understand how bad you feel. But you still don't get it because you are annoyed she still holds a grudge. I'm not sure what you can do to repair this rift, but is she forgives the boyfriend, that, none of your business. You need to apologize and place yourself at her mercy.

foxrider7 · Apr 22, 2012, 04:24 PM

Yeah I realize I shouldn't have kept it going but we always joked around like that so when I seen him starting to take it serious I started calming down with what I was saying . I know I'm her sister but she knew I liked him before they started dating. And sure its none of my business if she gives her boyfriend but for her to make it seem like its all my fault and not his.. when he started it is not fair ! He is as much to blame as me.. no one sees it even my mom thinks I'm the bad person but doesn't see him as the guilty one.

ScottGem · Apr 22, 2012, 04:28 PM

But you ARE the bad person. You should never have gotten involved in it in the first place. Granted he should have never started it and this should be recognized, but it doesn't excuse your actions.

foxrider7 · Apr 22, 2012, 04:34 PM

Yes I know I'm part to blame and I won't deny that , I know what I said shouldn't have been but the part that he's getting away scott free when he said most of it isn't fair and no one is seeing that. & not get involved ? How not to when you were brought in to it without wanting to..

DoulaLC · Apr 22, 2012, 04:41 PM

It is sometimes easier to be mad at your sister, for example, because you aren't going anywhere... you're family. You will always be her sister. Her boyfriend, however, can be gone and maybe she doesn't want to lose him. Maybe she doesn't want to be alone. She may dump him after things have settled and she has given it some more thought. Time will tell. She is young as well and will hopefully learn from the experience.

Does your sister know that you always joked around like that? If so, no wonder she was concerned that something might be going on. It should have never happened in the first place, but at the very least it should have ended soon after it started. A smart remark in jest is one thing... a 2 hour back and forth of what you want to do to each other is completely different.

Of course, it can't be changed now. Have you tried apologizing to her? Have you told her how very sorry you are and that you know it was a stupid thing to do; that you didn't mean anything by it, but realize it was wrong regardless? If not, do so. If she won't talk to you, write her a letter.

All you can do now is move forward. Apologize to your sister and your mother, make it well known that you want nothing to do with him (and hold to that), and focus on school, work, your friends, etc..

Boyfriends of other people are totally off limits, even for joking around when it's in a sexual manner. It's a costly lesson hopefully learned.

foxrider7 · Apr 22, 2012, 04:48 PM

I have tried apologizing for 2 days now.. ever since she found out ! My sister , the boyfriend and I all sat down saying how sorry we were and that we didn't mean to do this and I told her it was a joke but when she asked what was he said he got all defensive and didn't want it to be said cause he knew he would be in more then me. I realize we are family but she should want to work things out with me before him because I am family . Boyfriends come and go so she should want to fix our relationship. And well maybe we both kept it going cause maybe deep down we like each other.. I feel like I don't cause I like someone else but maybe he does !

Homegirl 50 · Apr 23, 2012, 03:17 AM

You have apologized talked it out with her, there is nothing more you can do. Hopefully the relationship with your sister will heal. Stay away from this guy though. He is , in my opinion bad news.
I wish you well.