[toonking]

Move to Iran, where the women are submissive and are slaves to MAN.

You'll fit right in.

On second thought, stay where you are and be your own person... if you're WOMAN ENOUGH.

[CroCivic91]

Move to Iran, where the women are submissive and are slaves to MAN.

You'll fit right in.

On second thought, stay where you are and be your own person... if you're WOMAN ENOUGH.

Exactly.

DECIDE what you want to do. If you want to listen to us and not contact him, why not turn of the cell phone? Or unplug the phone line, so the phone doesn't ring? I'll write you a HOW-TO for unplugging the phone line if you don't know how.

He seems like a total . Playing some kind of y woman games. es around as if you hurt him bad, then goes on and screams at you when you try to talk. I would never stand a girl that would try to behave that way with me.

I'll say again - DECIDE what you want. Be his slave and worship him to the end of your life, and forget about YOURSELF, or (to use toonking's words) "stay where you are and be your own person... if you're WOMAN ENOUGH".

[broken heart]

I need some help on this please

My ex has been contacting all this time since the break up but recently more often than before... I ddin't answer his phone calls and he was so crazy he was calling me 2 days non stop...

Anyway, I answered his phone call finally after he sent me a long long email explaining that he is sorry and that he is hurting and can't sleep and can't concentrate on his work and tha the has realised how much he had hurt me before... anyway, he said he realised things and so on.

So I answered but I was very cold with him. He was so happy but he asked me how could I do this to him. I said to him if he wants to blame, I will not talk to him. He said he was sorry. He asked me if he could call me in the evening. So he did and we had a nice conversation and then he said to me that he thinks that we should take things slowly and we shouldn't put pressure on each other. We kept emailing each other and he explained himself that he thinks that if we just jump straight back into the relationship that it would be wrong and he does not want to hurt me again... He said that we should take our time.. we shouldn't rush into anything. I agreed with him but I also told him that I do not want to feel unimportant and taken for granted.

Anyway, in his last email he sent he said this

As I said in my previous email and I'm happy you have the same opinion on it, I don't want to rush with us in order to avoid problems later. We went through too many problems and I really don't want to have to live that again. I think for you it's the same. I like you a lot but at the same time I spent with you not very great moments and I'd like to forget these moments. WHat I mean with going slowly, is to keep the door open to give us the chance to be together again and see if both we feel like it again. The things between us should come by themselves without any pressure on us. If we feel good together and want to get closer to each other we will do it but if we don't feel it, we won't do it. It must come from both of us because we feel good together. Going slowly is going step by step to see how we feel and each time seeing if we want to go further. It works for both of us. If it's too quick for one of us, we slow down. We need to know if it can work between us because too many times we had to fight and now none of us want to do that again: too much pain has already affected us. If it's to live again the arguments we had together I think it's not worthy , but if it's to live our good moments we could have together , it is worthy and in this case I can tell u, I'd be sure I want to be with you and I won't have any other hesitations with u. But too many times we had to face doubts. I want to start from scratch with you again because I'm not confident in us. I didn't say you're not worthy (that's why I'm striving to find solutions)
But I don't feel sure after what we had to face together. Going slowly then means that we should give us the time to be sure about us without any pressure. And if we can't be sure and see it doesn't work, at least we tried because we both thought it's worthy. Sometimes people try for what they want even if at the end they realise it doesn't work because it's not exactly what they want or just because they can't succeed.

About your second point, I never said I want to see you sometimes to have fun and that's it. I know u're not this kind of girl who can accept that and as I respect u, I don't want to do that to u. If we finally decide to be together again, I will not be unfaithful to you and have fun when u're not here. It's a matter of respect! If we decide to be together, we should be enough for each other and we shouldn't need to see somewhere else. But that's a big problem I think for us that I'm mentionning here. I 'm quite worried about the distance. When we were still together, I didn't see you enough times, I wasn't satisfied by the fact that we only met once every month or 2months. That's also a reason why I wanted to see something else because I physically needed it. I don't know how we could manage to see more if we decide to be together and I'm quite worried about that. Because spending evenings on the phone or on msn don't satisfy me and I think you neither. I need real contacts and this is a problem for me.

Anyway he emailed me yesterday at work.. asking me about my weekend. He found a flight for me and suggested if I wanted to go and see him in August in Paris! I haven't made a final decision yet but I was going to ask him if I do go to him, what's his compromise? Do you think I should? Or what should I say? I don't want him to think it was so easy for him to ask me and I would go.. but I want to of course but I want to see some efforts on his side...

We had a conversation on msn last night about me going to see him... the thing is I feel that after he was the one who ended things he should be coming to see me.. but he argues that Paris is much more beautiful city especially in the summer than my town where I live in UK. In a way it's true but I just kind of feel worried that if I go to see him, he will just do anything he wants with me after...

He said to me that I shouldn't consider his invitation as an effort. He then said that it seems like a burden for me to go and see him. He said "you should be happy to see me and you shouldn't see it as an effort. You can come to Paris to see me, to enjoy the city and you see it as an effort. You are funny. I can tell you that many people would like to be in your place, You have a perfect guide, a place to stay and you can see me and you consider this as an effort?!!"

He said that he knows my town too well which is not my case of not knowing Paris. I said to him that I am not worried about money or making an effort but the fact that he has ended it and now I am going to see him makes me hesitate. He said "so now I need to give a compensation or what? because I stopped?"

I said to him that I just wanted to feel at least if I do go to you that you would tell me that I don't have to worry about going to stay with you and that you will make me feel special there. And he responded that Iam going too fast again (not really sure why he said that?) He said that's not starting from scratch how we agreed! He then said "i m not going to put under pressure and ask to pay my journey someone with whom i start with something! He then added that he would like to meet to see and to feel that we can try together again. But now I have the impression that you think we already are!" I said to him that he should realise that I am the one going there and that he doesn't seem to appreciate it enough. He said that he does but he doesn't want to come to my place because he was the one who came last time... and he said "I didn't ask you to pay for my journey did I!?" He then said "if at least I was sure about us and I felt that we are good together without fighting and arguing I wouldn't mind but it's not the case. each time i m afraid of talking to you, of your reaction, of what you expect, of what u say. For me I am still not with you and I don't feel we are ready for it when I talk to you. We always have disagreements. Once you make a step you want to make a step further. I am a normal guy and I just want to spend some time together so please stop complicating the things. I can see there is still tenstion between us..and he then went to bed. I said to him that I feel that he never makes any compromises and he responded "it's too often we disagree like that so how can I compromise with you? Accepting to go to a city Iam not interested in and face the risk that we will fight? At the end of the weekend it costs even more for me than for you if you come to Paris so I am good guy, don't you think? See you later"

I haven't heard from him today all day.. Guys was I wrong? Maybe I should have just appreciated that he has invited me over... but I guess I was a bit worried that he might think that I will go to him each time.. My friend told me that maybe I should have just appreciated that he would like to see me.. Not sure what do you think about it all? He is French so the conversation may be a bit too direct but I am not sure what to think about it now... What to expect and should I think that I was wrong? Please what would you do in my situation? Thanks!

So sorry about the length.. but it's been so long since I posted here and a lot of things have been happening since but I tried to highlight what's going on now...

[Wildcat21]

I don't know - he sounds kind of wishy-washy - like he wants his cake and eat it too.

HE should come to you. IF he really was that into you HE would come to you.

Sounds like he is trying to manipulate and control.

Rush into what - you alreay HAVE a ton of time invested.

[Wildcat21]

HE IS PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU. I's just move on. That was kind of a long freakt e-mail.

I'd never erite something like that.

[CroCivic91]

I agree... he's so much into the "you come to me" thing... it's just fishy. It obviously doesn't sound right to you, and you are not 100% sure you want to do it... why not just say you don't feel like going there? Act independent. Tell him you don't like the idea, at least not NOW.

"If it doesn't feel right - don't do it!"

The "Paris is so much nicer..." thing is just bull. If he is so sorry that he hurt you, and if he misses you so much, and if you are willing to meet him, he'd come to you right away and would not try to play games and get you into coming to him. That just sounds wrong.

[Wildcat21]

Yes I agree - he needs to come to you! You've waited and that e-mail was a little creepy - very moody - his emotions are up and down in that.

[mike145k]

I have to commend you on being a responsible couple,who dated on a level with out any parameters,now your only concerns are yourselves,no children to experence ,the gut wrenching dramaof separation.your own life is repairable my advice is don't wait to long get over him and move on your happiness is within your own making, :)

[BSN22]

Back off and maintain yourself respect. There is someone out there who will recognize and appreciate all of your fine qualities. It just takes time and patience.

[legallyditssy]

You just need to let him figure out what the hell he wants. If he really wants to be with you he will go back to you and if he doesn't then by that time mabey you will be with someone else and then he will figure out what he had lost. Just don't wait for him. Go on with your life you are still young. I know that it is hard trust me I have been with mine for 7 years and I'm only 22 years old so just let hime be!