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juanita2040 · Apr 16, 2012, 02:46 PM

I am a 20 year old college student who is engaged to a wonderful man. He's also 20 years old and is about to graduate from EMT school. Our relationship is semi-long distance and we are both very busy with school and work. To stay connected, we text/talk on the phone whenever we can, and we are together every chance we get.

I love him very much but sometimes I feel a bit smothered by all the texting and calling and visiting. I feel like I have to plan my day around his phone calls, and that planning anything else besides visiting with him on my free days is not an option. Even trying to get off the phone with him to talk to my mother who I haven't seen in days upsets him (even though I just spent the entire weekend with him.)

I want to find a way to talk to him about this. I love talking to him and being with him. But sometimes I just need a break and a chance to miss him. I just don't know how to tell him without him completely freaking out. The problem isn't too serious now, but I'm afraid it will get worse once we are married.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 16, 2012, 04:38 PM

Then just stop it, when you need to talk to mom, tell him you have to go and talk to him latter and hang up. If he texts 12 times, wait till you have time to answer. You allow it to happen by responding. If you have other things to do some days, then unless he can do those things, tell him you will get back to him when you are done >>>> what ever you are doing.

Londoncalling22 · Apr 16, 2012, 04:55 PM

I have found that the best way to get some to back off a bit is to make sure they feel secure and schedule your time.
For example, if you want a whole day, where you don't speak to him until the evening, tell him you are going to be really busy that day and so can't talk but that you will be really looking forward to your chat on the night time.

It's quite hard to tell someone they are smothering you without hurting their feelings - but you don't want to keep this all in - it will drive you crazy.

If you do decide to talk to him about it (which maybe you should) try to make him understand that you aren't going anywhere but that you need your own time.
Also maybe find some more creative ways to be in a long distance relationship - so that you don't need to call all the time: I write to my girlfriend as well as skyping her and all the usual stuff. It means we don't get bored with the same method of communication all the time.

Hope this helps

hannabella · Apr 16, 2012, 05:04 PM

The next time you are both face to face would probably be best.
He will probably be upset no matter how you say it, but you still have to try.
Just tell him you need to have some days to yourself that don't involve other people. Surely he understands that .
I bet he even gets some days to himself.
You also need to be able to spend some time with your family and friends and don't need him up in your grill 24/7. You will get enough of that after you're married. Work something out with the phone calls. Maybe keep them to the weekends only. Worse thing that can come out of this is he gets mad at you and doesn't call or talk to you for a few days. Hey at least you have some free time now. Maybe he'll have some time to think things over and realize that perhaps he should have listened to what you were saying and he'll call and apologize to you for being a jerk.
Good luck.