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lostromeo · Apr 16, 2012, 10:42 AM

So I have an ex that broke up with me last August and got back with her old BF a few months later. She says she misses me, loves me, and I make her happier than her new BF but she wants to stay "friends". LOL All we ever do is text and email even though she still says I should stop out and see her from time to time when she bartends. I recently started (6 days ago) the NC thing and told her I could not stay friends because it is not fair to me when I still have feelings for her. So what do I do if she contacts me like she probably will this week? Or if time goes by and she wants to contact me and she is still seeing this guy?

Homegirl 50 · Apr 16, 2012, 11:10 AM

You ignore her. Don't respond. That is what no contact is

lostromeo · Apr 16, 2012, 11:14 AM

I understand that, and how part of the reason for NC is to heal, but I really feel this girl and I had something special, and part of MY reason for NC is to make her realize that I am not going to be there as her crutch or to supply something her boyfriend is not giving her and she will want me back...

I wish · Apr 16, 2012, 12:52 PM

If you still like her, then why are you going NC? If you still like her and she says she feels the same way too, then let her know how you feel. The reason you would go into NC is to move on from her, after you have give up on her.

If you really want her back, then let her know how you feel. If she wants you back, she will find her way to you. If she doesn't find her way back to you, then she doesn't really want you back. Actions speak louder than words, even though she may say she still loves you, she's not showing it at all by staying with her current boyfriend.

That being said, don't you think it's better to find someone who isn't going to be so flaky about her feelings for you? Right now she's stringing two guys along. Whether you admit to it or not, that's what she's doing, she's not fully committing to either guy.

She has a lot of insecurities and she doesn't want to lose either of you because each of you provide something different for her.

Even though she says that you make her happier than her current boyfriend, she's still not breaking up with him, which means there's something keeping her around.

lostromeo · Apr 16, 2012, 02:58 PM

I am going nc to make her realize I don't need her in my life and to hopefully make her miss me and what I brought to the table and what she doesn't have now that I am gone. Believe me, I've bared my soul to her, told her exactly how I feel for the past 9 months

Wondergirl · Apr 16, 2012, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by lostromeo

nc to hopefully make her miss me

No, no, no, no!! That's NOT what NC is for! NC is for healing and for moving on. Reread what "I Wish" said.

lostromeo · Apr 16, 2012, 03:32 PM

I am going nc to make her realize I don't need her in my life and to hopefully make her miss me and what I brought to the table and what she doesn't have now that I am gone. Believe me, I've bared my soul to her, told her exactly how I feel for the past 9 months

Wondergirl · Apr 16, 2012, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by lostromeo

I am going nc to make her realize I don't need her in my life

Yes.

and to hopefully make her miss me and what I brought to the table and what she doesn't have now that I am gone.

No. You don't care if she misses you.

lostromeo · Apr 16, 2012, 03:48 PM

L o l. easier said then done wonder girl especially when you're convinced that you had found your soulmate and you're a hopeless romantic that believes in the hollywood movies where the guy gets the girl at the end of the movie

Wondergirl · Apr 16, 2012, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by lostromeo

l o l. easier said then done wonder girl especially when you're convinced that you had found your soulmate and you're a hopeless romantic that believes in the hollywood movies where the guy gets the girl at the end of the movie

Then NC is not what you want to do.

I can't say it better than "I wish" did -- "If you still like her, then why are you going NC? If you still like her and she says she feels the same way too, then let her know how you feel. The reason you would go into NC is to move on from her, after you have give up on her.

If you really want her back, then let her know how you feel. If she wants you back, she will find her way to you. If she doesn't find her way back to you, then she doesn't really want you back. Actions speak louder than words, even though she may say she still loves you, she's not showing it at all by staying with her current bf."