[Nicola2-1]

My mother remarried few years ago I have two children who are now adults. They never called her new husband granddad just his first name. My dad became depressed and consequently took his own life after her leaving him. Now I have three lovely grandchildren whom I love and adore and have had a pretty good relationship with my daughter. Lately however, my mother when she visits is insisting to my grandchildren that they call her husband granddad. Bearing in mind I have no father and never felt he was my dad.

Not only that she seems hell bent on acquiring my daughters affections away from me. I'm upset about this and have been feeling hurt all over again. I've tried talking to my mother about why it upsets me and to my daughter about what is going on but my daughter seems to defend her and I feel a little alienated and I feel its wrong for my mother to force her opinions on my grandchildren (who are very fond of me) . Every event or birthday she muscles in on things and I feel spoils everything for me. Feels like she's taking away my life because they are the people I love. I feel crushed by her and wish I knew how to cope with this. Every help welcomed

[talaniman]

I can understand your feelings, but don't agree with putting children in positions of adults. Your moms husband may not be YOUR dad in your eyes, but the kids are his grand children by marriage, let them be, and when they get older they do as they please. Also get from between your daughter, and mom, and let them define their own relationship.

There is a big difference between stealing, AND sharing. Don't be resentful because of the past, but allow others to share. You gain, and lose nothing. Maybe its time to improve on the relationship with your mom, as there seems to be a lot of resentment, and unresolved issues.

Never spread bad feelings or make distinctions to kids they may not understand. He may never replace your dad, but he can fill the roll of grand dad can't he? Is he a decent guy? Come on now, when we draw such bright lines to separate us from others, we all suffer, and can never share, or build in the love of family. Then everyone loses something and gain nothing but hard feelings.

Not to be harsh, but your dad is not here, and when your kids are older you can share that loss with them, and tell them of him, but not fair for them to be taught your own resentments. Let them love, and be loved for now, That's what's important. Teach them love, not hate. Let them learn that from grand ma.

Resolve your own issues within yourself so you can share love too. I mean how long are you going to carry old baggage around with you? Maybe its time to set aside those heavy burdens, because they will drag you down.

[Nicola2-1]

My kids are adult late 20's they always called him by his first name. He isn't old enough to be my dad as there is a big age gap with Mum and him. In the beginning he used to say he wished he chosen me and was quite awful for me as I couldn't talk to Mum about this. There is so much I can't write here but your right I need to work through stuff.
Now he is quite descent and OK, I just feel my grandchildren don't know him that well and for my Mum to try force them to call him that is not fair. They do have Granddads
They can make their own minds up as they grow up, he would I suppose be their Great gran dad. Leave it to them then. Just wish my Mum would let me have this one thing as she has lots of grandchildren and he has his own.
Thank you for your advice

[Fr_Chuck]

First if your kids are adults, what they call him is their choice not yours.

What their kids call him, is "their parents" choices, you are their grandmother, and she is a great grand mother to your children's children.

And as such really ( and sorry) it is none of your business, it is the little kids parents ( your kids) business.

[Nicola2-1]

Thanks since posting this I feel better just for writing it down, now I can't delete it omg!

But reading the answers above I have a different perspective already... none of my business... has kind of freed me up! I feel relieved of responsibility... and think I can Let it go

Please no more answers I've got what I needed... Thanks guys