[huck13]

I'll summarize my situation and say that my ex and I were going out for over a year from freshman to sophomore year in high school and she dumped me about 10 months ago. The breakup was almost completely my fault, and I have made sincere apologies to her many times.

Anyway, about 6 and a half weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said that we should have a "talk". I figured out that she still wasn't over the fact that I mistreated her and that she was reminded of that every time she looked at me. I asked her why she still wasn't over those negative feelings and she asked me why I wasn't over my positive feelings for her. Touché.

She also told me to be honest with her so I took a risk and asked if she had any leftover feelings for me, or if she was done with me for good. She responded, "I would like to say I'm done, but I'll settle with not for long" (umm what?)

We agreed to not talk for a while so we didn't talk until Tuesday. I chatted her and asked her if I could walk over a Christmas card that I wrote for her. She said I could. When I got there, she invited me inside and we talked for about half an hour. We didn't talk about anything big, just what each other has been up to recently.

I noticed during the talk that she avoided eye contact a lot, which was weird because she was the one who invited me inside.. if she didn't want to talk then why did she invite me in? Half an hour later she said that she was going up to her room so I told her that I would be leaving, She said that I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted but I excused myself anyway because I had a friend coming over.

As I was leaving, I reached in for a hug but I stopped myself halfway and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder (lol awkward >.<). She kind of smirked and responded by patting my arm.

She told me that she wasn't really going anywhere this break so I'm wondering if I should ask her to hang out again as friends. The reason I'm not sure is because just 6 weeks ago she was ranting at me and telling me how she couldn't get over what I did. I find it hard to believe that she is completely over that now, but she did seem receptive to us having one on one time.

Any advice?

Thanks a lot!

[talaniman]

LOL, I can't believe that you think an apology makes up for treating someone bad, and think they should just get over it. SELFISH!

I think she took the time to give herself a chance to see for herself if you are truly sorry, or just trying to wiggle your way back into her heart.

Just me, I would tell you to take a ride to hell, but its up to you to take the risk of rejection, and ask her to hang out. You hurt her once, and for sure she will be very cautious with you trying again.

AS WELL SHE SHOULD!!

[huck13]

talaniman, let me ask you something. What else can I do for that person besides saying sorry? Go back to the past and change everything? Believe me, I would do anything go back and change the hurt that I caused her. Every week for the past few months I meet up with a friend from college to talk about how I can change parts of my personality that are less than desirable. To be honest I think I've made some pretty good progress.

Why would you tell me to take a ride to hell? Are you the type of person that holds grudges and cusses out everyone who has made a mistake toward you in the past? Or has someone treated you this way before? You don't know how much I wanted to hurt myself because of the way I treated her, and everyday I'm filled with overwhelming guilt. All I can do for her now is to apologize and try to change myself.

And I'm the one who thinks that they should just get over it? My ex was the one who texted me raging at how I should just get over it and how she still felt hurt by me. She has every right to feel mad at me, I just hope that she sees that I've changed and will give me another chance. That being said, I don't want her to do anything that she doesn't want to do.

That being said, I'm sure you are a well respected member of this forum. I'm not attacking you or anything, I just feel like you've seriously misunderstood

[talaniman]

QUOTE by huck13;
Talaniman, let me ask you something. What else can I do for that person besides saying sorry? Go back to the past and change everything? Believe me, I would do anything go back and change the hurt that I caused her. Every week for the past few months I meet up with a friend from college to talk about how I can change parts of my personality that are less than desirable. To be honest I think I've made some pretty good progress.

Any changes you make are to better yourself, not others. While we may have apologized for past wrongs, we cannot control how that will be taken, or how others react to it. Sometime we just don't know how deep the damage was, or how long it will take to get over it. How can we know? What we can do though, is work on ourselves and get rid of the guilt, and forgive ourselves and do better.

Keep making progress FOR YOU, and JUST you.

why would you tell me to take a ride to hell? Are you the type of person that holds grudges and cusses out everyone who has made a mistake toward you in the past? Or has someone treated you this way before? You don't know how much I wanted to hurt myself because of the way I treated her, and everyday I'm filled with overwhelming guilt. All I can do for her now is to apologize and try to change myself.

You have apologized, and are working on yourself. That's what you should do. But don't expect someone, especially one you have hurt to feel the same, and forgive you, or go back to the way it was. Specifially not the way you want it to be, or even when you want them to.

and I'm the one who thinks that they should just get over it? My ex was the one who texted me raging at how I should just get over it and how she still felt hurt by me. She has every right to feel mad at me, I just hope that she sees that I've changed and will give me another chance. That being said, I don't want her to do anything that she doesn't want to do.

I doubt she will do anything she doesn't want to do. But she has a right to be mad, express it, AND heal at her own pace, and her own way. Without your influence, just as you must heal without HER influence.

that being said, I'm sure you are a well respected member of this forum. I'm not attacking you or anything, I just feel like you've seriously misunderstood.

No my friend, I did not misunderstand, I have been through many things and have learned that we don't always get what we want when we want it, or because we want it badly.

My whole point is you cannot control others, or get someone back through pressure, or begging. Its up to her to want you back, and those who have been hurt heal in there own time, and may never come back. That's when we have to let go, heal move on, and do better.

I get you want her back, but unless she feels the same, it just won't work that way. Been dumped enough times to know, and understand, and dumped enough to know and understand that for whatever reasons, feelings can and do change. ADJUST accordingly.

[Ivaaa]

Everyone deserves a second chance. Be patient. If she doesn't believe in your change, think of a more creative way to show her. And then wait.

The thing I noticed is that everyone who has been more dumped in life will always tell you to move on. On the other hand, anyone who had a good and healthy relationship(s), will always advice you to keep fighting until you're absolutely sure it's over. I'm for fighting, always! Moving on is hard, but everyone can do it, I see it as an easier way than getting action to change something. Now that is even harder than moving on, but there is a chance of a great reward in the end. It's about what you believe in.

[Feelingsadd]

If u truly are sorry u have hurt her, I suggest u should fight for her. Of course u have to be sure u have changed for the better as well!

[huck13]

My ex and I dated for a little over a year from February of 010 to February of 011 and we were each others' first loves. We are now both juniors in high school.

The breakup was mostly my fault because I acted like a douchebag. After the breakup, it was her turn to act like a douchebag and basically go out of her way to be flat out rude to me. We didn't even talk for 6 months after the breakup.

I gave her a card for Christmas and we talked in her house for about half an hour. It was the first time since the breakup that we talked in person. Afterward, I felt encouraged to ask her to be friends again.

She basically completely blew me off, which came as a total surprise because we just had a nice conversation in her house. I admit I got really pissed at her for treating me this way, because even though I kind of deserve it after the way I treated her, you'd think she would grow up a little?

However, a couple days after this, she emailed me an apology. She said that she felt super guilty for the way she was treating me and she knew how bad I felt for what I did to her. The reason she treated me like crap for so long was because she wanted me to think that she was just a moron and forget about her. However, it didn't work and now she just feels bad.

She said that as long as I kept things at a FRIEND level for now, she thought that I was a great guy and she would love to be my friend, hang out with me a bit, and drive me to school every day once her six months wear off in a few weeks.

I told her that she would have to accept the fact that 1) I have feelings for her and 2) I still have hope that we can work things out in the future.

She said that the future was a mystery and that anything could happen, but as of right now she felt like neither of us could handle another breakup and she doesn't want to repeat what happened before. I said that I understood.

My question now is, can you ever get back with an ex girlfriend by being friends? I've heard all the reasons it's a bad idea to be her friend after the breakup, but this was a YEAR ago. I feel like we've moved on from that super awkward position and we can move forward now.

I am fine if she is not ready yet; its probably best for me to focus on grades for now. My question is more long term, for getting a second chance in the future.

By the way, I am not depressed or desperate over this. My life is going great and I keep myself busy with sports, clubs, and other friends (including girls!).

Thanks for anyone who helps!

[Fr_Chuck]

Why not, there are at times second chances, if you want to go for it, go. If you don't go for it, 20 years from now, you may always wonder what if? If you go for it, worst thing, it does not happen, and you are no worst off then as you are now.

[huck13]

After our one year relationship ended about 11 months ago, my ex and I became friends again 3 months ago after limited to no contact for 11 months. I was a little hesitant to dive into this friendship, and recently, some of the old problems in our original relationship are starting to show, such as issues of her time and issues of her attitude toward me.

Basically, I've been getting the feeling that my ex girlfriend is "tolerating" our friendship instead of actually enjoying it. One can argue that she is not a very talkative person, but she has not initiated conversation with me one time in these three months, which is making me feel like I'm doing all the work.

She is also extraordinarily busy; trust me when I say that its hard to find a harder working junior in high school than her. She won some junior world title in archery and she literally spends all her free time doing what she loves doing. It is almost impossible for me to hang out with her outside of week long breaks; even during the last week long break, she only had an hour to give to me.

Next week is Spring break, and she just told me earlier today that she is gone practicing for states for the ENTIRE week. Really? The entire freaking week? For PRACTICE?

I totally understand her doing what she loves doing, yet I feel like this friendship is totally one sided. It's me doing all the work, trying to hang out, and trying to chat. I briefly chatted with her about this a couple weeks ago, and I asked her if she really wanted to be friends. She said yes, but everything she is showing me says otherwise.

I was the one that got dumped originally, and I feel like because of this, I should preserve myself dignity and not cling onto a friendship that is only tolerated instead of wanted. I'm willing to be more flexible to accommodate her tight schedule, but one hangout in 3 months? That seems a little ridiculous to me and I'm not really getting the benefits of this friendship.

On the other hand, she drives me to school once a week and has expressed care toward me at times, such as when she remembered my birthday last week without me reminding. Despite this, I still feel dissatisfied with our friendship. Am I being selfish for wanting to end this because she is not meeting my desires? Thanks!

[Homegirl 50]

I think what you are wanting is more than friendship. She is your friend nothing more and she seems to have a busy life. Seems like you still have some feeling so maybe the friendship thing is not going to work. Leave her alone.
Who's idea was it to be friends?

[talaniman]

You seem to see this friendship as more than it is and fact is you need more friends than just her. You need more things to do than just her. You need a life that doesn't depend on her giving you attention.

Then maybe you will apreciate the time you do spend with her, and won't be so frustrated when she does NOT have the time you want. You are way to dependent on her attention.

When I read your other posts and merged them, its obvious you expect her to stop doing what she is doing and give you more attention, and that's unreasonable.

[lemarkstaurt]

She is too confusing to understand. Best of luck for future and do keep us updated.

[huck13]

I think what you are wanting is more than friendship. She is your friend nothing more and she seems to have a busy life. Seems like you still have some feeling so maybe the friendship thing is not going to work. Leave her alone.
Who's idea was it to be friends?

Originally my idea which was shot down... few weeks later she came back and apologized and offered to be friends and drive me to school

[Homegirl 50]

She offered to be friends. That is what she is to you. If you can't handle a friendship, and it sounds like you can't, you should stay away from her.