[whatsinaname206]

I’d like to start this of with saying this is NOT your typical situation but when you fall in love you fall in love. Im 30, she's 18. We fell in love over the net and now she's planning on moving here. We’ve been cyber dating for 4 months and she's moving here in 2months. She has been wonderful and we fall asleep skyping... feels like were sleeping in the same bed.

I was faithfully married for 10years and have been with 4 people... this is where it gets sticky. She's attracted to older men (which is not a problem for the obvious) and craved male attention. Many men would use her and leave her. She is afraid of telling me the actual number because she fears I won't won't to be with her. She as been “raped” by a 23yr old boyfriend and his friends when she was drunk. Before this she was in love with him.. he was a player. And ended up having sex with her 19yr old sister. She has had guys/men/friends of the family come into her room and have sex with her. She “would do anything for male attention” . She was unpopular and was branded slut at her high school. She told me at first she was with only one guy and 3 girls but in the same conversation she told me last night its too many to tell me.

So the problem Im trying to process is her inconsistency in telling me about her past. That really bothers me. I feel it's a lack of honesty. Don't tell me at all if its not going to be the truth. But I understand she is young and she is probably very ashamed of it. Im also a little or a lot grossed out at the random gross guys she would let have sex with her. I knew she was experienced but Im really struggling with the fact that she was a major... whatever. I feel just sick about this as the conversation was last night.

She has also tried to commit suicide 2 times in the past. I commended her for being honest about this. Her environment is very toxic and has a low immune system due to a not so great diet and stress. She had to leave her mothers house and move in with her grandparents because her mothers boyfriend kept asking for blow jobs. Everybody has a past and hers is chocked full of abuse and neglect. Dose that mean I shouldn't giver her a chance at a new and healthy life?

I have a safe home that is drama free and I am a health nut. I really love her and want to offer her a healthy place to live. She is a good person and works at a daycare.

Please don't tell me to “get over it” or “the past is the past” I know that... I just want to share my story and get a feeling of what others think. I am a level headed caring person going to school for nursing. I am also healthy and good looking so its not like Im desperate. I truly love this girl and want to take care of her. But what she told me and what she made herself appear to be are two different things. She would tell me that she's not promiscuous and she's picky. She says she hasn't slept with anyone in over a year.

Is my thinking screwy? I’m put off by her always saying how conservative she is but now cats out of the bag and she has slept with dozens of guys from what I gather... should I factor how ashamed she probably is about it and not be so hard on my thinking about it?

Please help. I need different opinions about this big life step Im looking to make. I know it looks dicy but we are truly in love and it will be 6 months of getting to know each other before she gets here. So Im trying to take my time and now I discovered this bump in the road.

Thank you so much for your opinions/advice/experience!

[JudyKayTee]

Well, I don't think falling asleep skyping is like sleeping in the same bed.

You seem to describe yourself and your intentions as more a "taking care of her," "saving her" mindset than being her life partner.

I would be very, very certain what she's all about before I invited her into my home - the mental health issues alone would concern me.

What would you think of a visit - either her where you are OR, even better, you go THERE and see with youir own eyes if she's telling you the truth.

I think you could be damaging yourself for a good many years, if not the rest of your life, and I'd slowly.

And I hate to even mention this... but this is what I do for a living. Have you considered a private investigator?

[odinn7]

If it was me, I would walk away. To be honest, she's 18 and she's been through all this? Doesn't that seem like a little bit too much? Do you think that having her there with you is going to be all sunshine and roses? I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to help you see this. Having her with you won't change her... it won't. It may for a short time but if she's over the top now, you're not going to fix that, you will just get sucked into the madness and dragged down with her. Do you really want that? I don't think you do. Another thing to consider is that 18 years old is not all that mature yet. She still has a long way to go to get to your maturity level. You are going to wind up having to deal with her and it's going to be an absolute mess. She sounds like she isn't all straight in her head, and that's just going to transfer right to you and your living situation.

Save yourself... end it and walk away. Deal with the hurt from ending it now rather than the hurt she's going to pile on you.

[ScottGem]

Is my thinking screwy? I'm put off by her always saying how conservative she is but now cats out of the bag and she has slept with dozens of guys from what I gather....should I factor how ashamed she probably is about it and not be so hard on my thinking about it?

Please help. I need different opinions about this big life step Im looking to make. I know it looks dicy but we are truly in love and it will be 6 months of getting to know each other b4 she gets here. So Im trying to take my time and now I discovered this bump in the road.

Thank you so much for your opinions/advice/experience!

Actually you would probably be surprised at just how typical your situation is. I'm not going to tell you to forget this relationship but I am going to tell you go VERY slow.

This is a girl who has lied to you, told you inconsistent stories, essentially played you. She apparently has serious issues with relationships. Based on what she has told you. But how do you know what is true and what isn't?

The fact here is you really haven't had a chance to get to know her enough to make a commitment. You need to lay some boundaries here. You need to tell her that you are glad she wants to move near you, but that you are not making any commitments until you get to know each other much better. And frankly, I would hire a PI to research her story so you can know what is true and what isn't.

Good luck to you and keep us posted, but go very slow.

[Fr_Chuck]

How many times have you meet in "real life" you need to go meet her, date in real life, maybe even fall asleep together for real a couple times. You are trying to skip a few steps in online dating.

[talaniman]

I think you are screwy for counting on this very young flawed human to even want to be rescued. Its more than likely she wants a vacation for her wacky life, and curious what she can get from you.

You maybe older but damn sure ain't wiser if you are giving your heart to a fantasy computer buddy. Trust me guy, keep her at a safe distance, and get some real people to sleep with. That will put this in a better perspective for you. That would be a wiser, safer option.

I mean do you really think you can believe or change her, and make a proper mate of her? You can't be that lonely you fall for this crap Even online you can do better!