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Lucy1962 · Apr 5, 2012, 05:39 PM

I have been dating a man for almost a year now. I am 49 and he is 44. We both are fit and work out together. He does marathons and works for the local electric company as a lineman. He has also served in the Gulf war and is a marine.
We both have been married before. His relationship ended because his ex cheated on him with two different men. He has stated that the two women he was engaged to and married to has cheated on him.
I have fallen in love with him and have told him so. He at the moment does not feel the same. He has said that it took him several years to fall in love with his wife.
We have only had sex a handful of times and it was I thought wonderful for us both. All of a sudden he had stopped and I asked if he was no longer attracted to me and if he wanted out of the relationship and he said no.
It seems that the physical part stopped after I said I loved him. He said he just doesn't work anymore and forgets to take his medication. He also said the daily medication is not on his insurance list and can not afford it. I asked if I was someone new would he do something about it. He said probably not.
I am confused only because he has plans for us to do things together a year from now and always has me spend the night with him. I do not understand why he would want me around? I mean if the relationship is not more than a like for me than why keep me around? He can get this with anyone.
I love him and want the relationship. He is what I wanted for a partner my whole life and never had. I do not know what he is thinking. I do not want to harp on this I do not want to destroy the relationship. I have never felt this way about anyone before.

odinn7 · Apr 5, 2012, 06:49 PM

Because of what happened to him previously, he may have issues with getting too close to someone. He probably "likes" you... maybe even a lot... but at the same time, he could be scared that once he lets himself have feelings for you, the same thing will happen all over again.

Maybe you need to talk with him and see if he is willing to open up to you and discuss this. Maybe he won't... maybe he doesn't even realize what he's doing.

Lucy1962 · Apr 5, 2012, 06:58 PM

If he has not said he loves me by now, do you think he does not? Why would he want to keep seeing me?

Originally Posted by odinn7

Because of what happened to him previously, he may have issues with getting too close to someone. He probably "likes" you...maybe even a lot....but at the same time, he could be scared that once he lets himself have feelings for you, the same thing will happen all over again.

Maybe you need to talk with him and see if he is willing to open up to you and discuss this. Maybe he won't...maybe he doesn't even realize what he's doing.

If he has not said he loves me by now would you for yourself feel he does not? Why would he hang around me then?

I guess I am wasting my time with him.

odinn7 · Apr 5, 2012, 07:44 PM

It is possible that you are wasting your time with him. There really is no way for me to know.

All I can suggest is that you try to talk to him and if you don't like the answers, you may find it time to make a decision.

Good luck.

talaniman · Apr 7, 2012, 06:35 PM

His relationship ended because his ex cheated on him with two different men. He has stated that the two women he was engaged to and married to has cheated on him.

He doesn't want that kind of commitment, but a casual fun one he seems to be more than happy with. With his history, can you blame him? Maybe he is feeling you are pushing him to fast for what you want, and he is simply not going there. Not now at least. Slow down, and keep it casual, He isn't running you away I don't think, but letting you make the choice to go, or stay on your own. If you feel your year has been wasted, then you choose to leave. But I think he is preparing himself for you to go, and wants to protect himself yet again.

Obviously he is gunshy against permanent, long term commitments, and knows that's what you want from him. Not going to happen, dating yes, casual, yes. But if you are in a hurry, and need more, he ain't the one right now.

What kind of medication are we talking about?

Lucy1962 · Apr 8, 2012, 08:50 PM

I think I am moving to fast. I am getting ready to start school for a new career in nursing. He has stated to his friends that he would switch from working days to nights to be on the same schedule as I am on. I am not asking him to make a commitment right now. I understand I am in a different place than him. He stated he did not want out of the relationship. He has also already made plans for us for the up coming year. I understand it will take longer. Is he worth it, to me yes. I just did not understand why give up our intimate relationship when he and I see each other and stay with each other almost every night. The medication is for erectile dysfunction. He also stated in his bio. On the dating site we met on that he was looking for a long term relationship. I know one year is not long and I have to realize it. He knows I love him but I do not put it in his face or tell him. I have only said it once so he knows. I did not think it fair to keep bringing it up.

The vibe I get from him is one of fear. I feel he thinks I will do the same to him that others have done. I don't think I am an option in his. If he did not want me in his life I think he would have let me go long ago. I was married for 23yrs. I know the damage people can do to each other. He does not know mine, I choose to keep it hidded.

Why get into a relationship if your fear is so great, when you risk hurting someone as much as you are hurting now from the past.
I like the words to the song,
I dare you to let me be your one and only, I promise I am worthy to hold in your arms.. So lets give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile, till the end starts.
Maybe corny, but people are not a dime a dozen. When you find a good one don't let go. Believe me I pray to God to have him leave me if this not right. I love him and can't do it. If he has no feelings for me, than he can. Sorry rambling on, but I have no one to talk too.

talaniman · Apr 9, 2012, 05:59 AM

Don't panic, just slow down, and let the dust settle. I think you may be overwhelming him with your love profesions at this time. Enjoy the moments without that extra romantic long term thinking. ITS ONLY BEEN A YEAR! One day at a time.

I doubt he could handle more at this time.

Lucy1962 · Apr 9, 2012, 02:13 PM

Thank you. You do make sense and believe you are right. I am not pushing the relationship he has only heard this once from me and I will not mention it again because I do not want to hurt the relationship. Just being with him is what I want. Sometimes it is just hard to understand some things and need someoneelses view.

mmresd · Apr 9, 2012, 06:55 PM

Seems like things have turned out in a situation where there is not much a relationship to destroy. However, if you are not happy in your current situation, then get out of it. No point in pursuing something with someone who is not willing to give you what you need.

Lucy1962 · Apr 13, 2012, 01:25 PM

I do not understand your answer? Are you saying that this is not much of a relationship?