[kayleeria05]

Both questions merged to one thread.

I've been with my fiancé for a little over a year and last night at 2am his phone rings so I answered it (he doesn't mind me doing that). I see that's it's a female. I ask who it is she says her name, and immediately I look at him and say why is your ex calling you? I asked her what it was concerning because he was in the bed, and she said none of my business, and that she was his friend before I came in the picture, and just needs to talk to him.

My fiancé is telling me I don't want to talk to her, and to hang up, so I did. But she kept calling! So I answered again and told her that conversations with him are not going to happen. So she repeatedly said I'll call him whenever I want and was telling me things that he supposedly did for her throughout their relationship. What upset me was that she said they talked a couple of months ago so why can't she talk to him now? I asked him was that true and he said she's lying.

Well that night he changed his number. Im worried that she's seriously determined to talk to him and that she'll try to contact him either through email or an fb message. My fiancé is a good man but I keep feeling uneasy about the whole thing, like will he call to talk to her when I'm not around to see what she wanted?? Should I worry?

My fiance's female coworker called him at midnight.

My fiancé worked real late the other night and around 12am a female co worker called him asking "where are you?" I'm on the bed and I'm thinking like what is going on? He's really short answered with her and was like I'm not at work anymore. And she says I was looking for you. And he basically rushes her off the phone and hangs up. So you know I thought red flag!

I asked him who that was and he said Mike. He was wondering if I still needed a ride home. I said um that was a female. And he's like right, she was asking for Mike, if I still needed a ride home. I waited about thirty seconds to say... um you drove to work! And why isn't Mike calling you about the ride? And he says don't worry this lady is an older lady. I ask how old and he says way older. I heard her voice and she sounded young. So then I ask how old is she and he says 30! (Are effing kidding me?)

I told him you knew she was our age and you said older. Like why? I'm confused why they have each other's cell numbers and she works in a completely different department. And why would he need a ride when he drove?? So during this whole conversation he was borderline upset and said he didn't think it was a problem to give her his number. So I said all right let me call her to confirm. He answered so fast and says no! Honestly I wouldn't't have called her but why is he so defensive about the whole situation?? Why say no?

He said they were friends at the end of all of this. Now should I be worried about them two??

[dontknownuthin]

He's lying and you need to kick him to the curb. You already know this. There's no future in a relationship with someone who's already lying during the engagement.

[Jake2008]

He's not a very good liar is he. He doesn't sound too experienced at covering up his tracks either.

It doesn't seem to me like anything has gone on.

It is likely that they have some sort of relationship at work, if he is comfortable enough to give her his cell number, and she's comfortable enough to ask him out for drinks.

But, maybe you are suspicious of him in your relationship, and he feels he can't be truthful or honest about any sort of non-romantic relationship with any woman he works with, because he then becomes the subject of an interrogation?

When the truth came out, is it possible that he became defensive because he was pretty sure what he was in for if you took things the wrong way?

As you said, he eventually 'confessed' after you wore him out.

Unless you have reason, or past experience, of him cheating, or another significant reason for you not to trust him, is it possible you are looking for trouble where none exists?

[kayleeria05]

True but today he just admitted that there was no mike and she reallylikes him. And he bought her a shirt and they have lunch together and also he told her yes about going for drinks.. and she called that night because he stood her up.. Like why? I told him I was going to speak to her and he flipped out! Like he panicked.. I don't believe they're intimate I believe he likes her too and is scared that I'm finding out. Its like he'd rather lie to me and hide what they have

[Jake2008]

Hmm that paints another picture entirely.

I have to say that you shouldn't have an issue with her. The issue is with your fiancé. He is the one who is not behaving honourably for a man who is engaged to be married.

I will tell you that if you cannot completely trust him, don't marry him. If you have any doubts about his fidelity, and honesty- not to mention his whereabouts and who he's having drinks with after work- don't marry him.

To have serious doubts even before the two of you are out of the starting gate and into a marriage together, does not bode well. If you don't trust him before you marry him, you won't trust him after you marry him. If he is dishonest before, he will be dishonest after.

There should be no question where his loyalties lie. After what you have added, I too would be very, very concerned about the type of man he is.

[joypulv]

I know you want to grill him for every little fact but you do have an idea now that something is happening and hopefully this can get stopped now by talking about general concepts like trust and fidelity. Tell him that if he wants to hide what is going on you are going to have to rethink the relationship because you are hurt and worried you can't trust him. Hopefully that will work better than asking and asking and putting him in a spot where he lies because he hasn't even sorted it out in his own mind yet.
(If she calls again at home knock over a lamp and say OOPS, loud enough for her to hear.)

[talaniman]

Between his ex, and his co worker, yes be worried. They feel to comfortable calling him, so he must be encouraging them in some way. After merging your threads together because they do show a pattern of behavior, you better straighten this out, FAST! He has crossed a line of good behavior, and this has to be nipped in the bud, or forget him.

[kayleeria05]

Ok so we talked everything out.and I need closure by him confronting in front of me and at first he said yes.. but then he said no because it would cause conflict at work... I don't understand why? He said he'll let her know himself that he wants nothing to do with her and he loves me? But can't I be present?? Is he hiding something? Or should I believe that he truly handled it? I feel I'm uneasy

[sparks123]

He's hiding it. Don't fall for his bull. He's a liar, so just leave him. If he's cheating before you get married, then he will probably leave you a few months after you get married. Don't make yourself the fool by lettting him leave you AFTER the wedding. Find happiness elsewhere.

[talaniman]

Ok so we talked everything out.and I need closure by him confronting in front of me and at first he said yes..but then he said no because it would cause conflict at work...I don't understand why? He said he'll let her know himself that he wants nothing to do with her and he loves me? But can't i be present??? is he hiding something? Or should I believe that he truly handled it? I feel i'm uneasy

Of course you let him handle his business his way. You either trust, or you don't, by what results from this. So far though, I would be cautiously skeptical. But if the calls stop, mission accomplished. Then it's a matter of dealing with your own feelings, and being alert, and paying attention. How long it takes to regain trust is up to the both of you. Why he wasn't open about it is something to find out about.

If you cannot resolve this issue, don't get married.