[Hush718]

My wife of 7 years has developed a friendship with a co worker and I feel she has become emotionally attached to him. A year ago, my wife was in the shower and left her phone in the kitchen. Her phone beeped cause there was a text, I was next to it and looked. It wasn't anything bad, he just asked her if she was feeling OK. But my wife wasn't sick. I ask her about it and she told me she wasn't feeling well during work, fine. Something than hit me hard, for some reason. I decided to check up on our cell phone account. There's always an abundant amount of text messages with him, more so when I'm not home or even late at night when I'm sleeping. A few times I tried taking her phone to see if there's nothing going on and she deletes the messages. I got a break 2 weeks ago, he texts her while she wasn't around, he wrote "what's up babe?".. Now after that one I approached her, and told her to respect me as her husband and stop talking to him if there's something going on. She told me nothings going on, and that she's not emotionally attached. After 2 weeks, they continue to speak. What do you guys think? Please help

[funmum22]

I think this is a horrible situation to be in kitty and you obviously love this man very much. It may be that he cares for you a lot if your friends are remarking on it. My advice (but you will have to make the decision you think is best for yourself) is to confront him over this and be very open and honest about how you feel, but try not to be aggressive (I know this can be difficult when such strong feelings are involved). The situation must have a resolution, otherwise you will continue to live a hurtful life forever and no-one wants that for you. There may be a way to bring his family and your relationship together. If he really does not want to lose both he can request that his family respect his decision as an adult to accept you as his girlfriend (even if he is afraid of his sister). It might be very hurtful to them to know that he has been lying to them for so long, and that could create more problems or shock them into seeing how he feels and want to reconcile (depending on the type of people they are). The other resolution is if your boyfriend cannot confront his family to accept the woman he loves then he should leave with you, and if he cannot do that and just wants to continue then you should leave him. I know this would be incredibly difficult for you, but with support from friends, exercise, good diet, medical support etc. you could be coping again quite quickly and maybe after 6 months to a year find someone who can love you freely. In the mean time though you should try, at least once to resolve this issue.

[funmum22]

I'm so sorry Hush 718, when I hit post it posted the last answer I had given instead of the one I wrote for you. Here are my thoughts again I hope they can help. It very may well be that your wife does not emotional feelings for her friend that are a danger to your marriage, but on the other hand she might. Directly confronting her doesn't seem to be working so my advice would be to ask her what she wants, needs and desires from you. Do this in a quite, calm setting and really listen to what she is telling you. Most people who cheat on their spouses do so because they are lacking something in the relationship, there is something they are not getting from their husband or wife. This can be anything, closeness, intimacy, respect, quality time, fun all the way through to sexual fantasies. Make it easy for her to tell you what she needs and what would make your marriage better (don't talk about anything like picking the kids up on time, this is only about how the two of you relate to each other). Then do your best to fulfill these things for her (if they are reasonable and not illegal). Even though I have been in a long relationship where I am happy and fulfilled I still enjoy flirting sometimes, it makes me feel attractive and interesting and that actually adds to our relationship. Maybe that is what your wife is seeking here. If you can focus on her and provide what she needs then her relationship with her work friend will be just a friendship. You clearly love her, show her how important and beautiful she is to you, put aside your fear for the time being. Get dressed up, take her out and express your love physically for each other. Just my advice, I hope it helps.