[cutty]

I just found out that my finacee was emailing porn sites and women on porn sites, 10 months ago. We just engaged a month ago. I am devastated and don't know what to do. He has been very apologetic and has agreed to start therapy, admitting that he made a mistake. I'm very afraid that this will happen again. We have a wonderful relationship and I am in shock that this could happen. Any advice?

[kp2171]

Well... at this point we don't know anything beyond he's engaged in looking at pornographic material... and the emailing the women... is this like he's asking them to undress or other things online? I'm guessing this is more about letting his mind wonder than trying to hook up with someone on the side? Please clarify.

Sexuality can be confusing enough as it is. I'm not going to tell you what to tolerate. I will say the more you and he are open about sexuality and what you like and he likes, the better. This goes beyond simply stating whether your sex life is good or not.

If he is aroused visually how can he and you channel that into your bedroom? I think you can talk to him about what he likes and not have it be a dark cloud over his head. Also, you should be clear about what you like and dislike... and if viewing such material is something you feel distracts him from you, you need to be up front and clear about it now.

More information would help.