[missababiez]

I am a responsible 20 year old woman. Not a child, but a woman. So why should I have to be treated like one after not having a curfew in 4 years. This all changed a little over a month ago for no specific reason. I am a good daughter. I graduated high school, currently work at a doctor's office in physical therapy, am in college about to be accepted in the Radiology program in the fall. I pay my bills, never ask my parents of anything in exception to the 50% they pay for college, and I do not abuse drugs, never have. My only down-fall is that I am a smoker.

My parents just recently gave me a curfew between 11pm-12midnight and on weekends till 2am. I know I am under age for drinking but I am in college and I like to party on the weekends. What college student doesn't? They know this! For one to have to come home at 2am after been drinking all night... sounds like the front page of the news waiting to happen.

I asked them originally if it was all right if I just call and let them know what I'm doing that night and where I will be staying so they won't worry. They agreed. But the next day I called and they said no; and they haven't said yes yet. Ive tried talking to them about how I feel, but it just ends in fights. I even tried taking my dad out to lunch to better our relationship, but that just seemed to make him want to control me even more.

I am too old for this b.s. How can they take away my freedom after 4 years of not having a curfew? What is your input on this? Am I too old for this? Are they taking this out on my because they are having marital problems? Its not like I'm the baby whose finally growing up. I have a younger sibling who will be 13 in April.

[colbtech]

I would be inclined to look at it from their point of view... our daughter is out having a good time (they used to be young once), perhaps they don't want to be woken up at all hours. Try just staying out until breakfast 9AM'ish, see what happens.

Alternateively as you are in work, find a flat. You are 20 not a teenager anymore so there is no reason why you shouldn't get your own place.

Just an idea, everyone is different. Each person will react differently. Maybe if you explain that you are looking for a place of your own because of the curfew, your parents may be a little more lenient certainly at weekends.

Let us know how you get on.

[Capuchin]

I think that as long as you live in their house, you are obliged to live by their rules. Don't like it? Get your own place.

I'm 21 and since I live in the UK, have been out drinking and having a good time since the age of 18. My parents weren't strict at all about this, I imagine they would have been if my performance in education became an issue, but it never did.

I do feel that your parents are being over strict, but I stand by my first point, if you choose to live there (and, at 20, it is your choice), then they have a right to dictate how the house is run, and if that means they don't want you coming in late at night, then so be it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yep, as long as you live in their house, they have a right to set rules for living there.

When my kids lived at home as young adults on a few occasions, I worked during the day and did not want or would not allow them to come in late, as it would wake me up, so they had to be in during the week at a set hour.

So ( depending on your culture) if it allows you to move out on your own, you can do so, and not have those rules

[pricej]

I sort of understand where you are coming from. I moved out right after high school for college, and so got used to being on my own with no curfew for once. I moved back home two years later and had to go back under my parents supervision, and have a curfew again at the age of 20 also. I agree with most everyone else. You are 20 and legally an adult, but as long as you are living in their house, you must abide by their rules. If you do not like it, move out. It only took me about 8 months to remodle my apartment, and I was out!

[ScottGem]

I agree your parents have a right to impose a curfew as long as you live under their roof. But that wasn't really your question. Based on what you said, the sudden imposition of a curfew seems odd, if not unreasonable. This would be especially true if you paid them rent.

So my advice is to have a sit down and discuss this fully. Tell them you understand that as long as live in their home you will abide by their rules. But ask for an explanation. Offer compromises. But don't rant, keep the discussion calm.

[froggy7]

Number one, you are admitting that you are breaking the law by drinking underage. And you say that you like to "party" and ask what college kid doesn't. Well, I never did. So my comment to you is... it sounds to me like you know very well why they have suddenly decided to impose this curfew on you. I'm going to go along with everyone else and say that if you don't like it, you are free to find another spot to live at. However, I will also point out that if you were my kid, you'd also be responsible for the 50% of your college that they are currently paying, as well. As long as they are paying for you, you owe them the courtesy of following their rules, which really don't sound that unreasonable to me.

PS. Alcohol is a drug, and it sounds to me like you may be abusing it.

[colbtech]

20 is under age for drinking? UK is 18, France has an even easier going attitude to alcohol. Is that the law for the whole of the US or just certain states?

[Capuchin]

21 is the drinking age in the majority of the US, afaik.

[shygrneyzs]

Financial incentives create de facto federal purchase age of 21. National Purchase/Production Age Act of 1962 outlawed any persons under the age of 21 to buy, produce, or distribute alcoholic beverages. Some states do not allow those under the legal drinking age to be present in liquor stores or in bars (usually, the difference between a bar and a restaurant is whether food is being served). Contrary to popular belief, since National Purchase/Production Age Act of 1962, few states specifically prohibit minors' consumption of alcohol in private settings (an exception includes Connecticut). In some cases or states, alcohol permits can be purchased at a cost to the parent or legal guardian. As of 2006, 20 states do not specifically ban underage consumption and an additional 15 states have family member and/or location exceptions to their underage consumption laws. [6]
Federal law explicitly provides for religious, medical, employment and private club possession exceptions; as of 2005, 31 states have family member and/or location exceptions to their underage possession laws. [7]
Underage purchase of alcohol, though illegal in all fifty states, is not a federal offense, although restrictions on highway funding for states that allow it make it illegal federally de facto. See National Minimum Drinking Age Act 1962 and underage drinking in America.

[kp2171]

mixed feeling here. I have a 20 y.o. step-daughter. She is away at college, so only time she's home is on break or weekends occasionally.

she has no curfew. The only thing we ask is that she tell us if she plans to stay out all night or at a friends so we know. Most of the time she tells us. Occasionally her plans will change late and shell leave a text message that well get when we get up if its too late to call the house.

all through HS she had a curfew. Never was allowed to stay out all night, save the few times I imagine she snuck out or "stayed" at a friends and lied or snuck out. No drinking was ever allowed in our home and we didn't allow her to drink at other peoples houses, though I know now that she's older, that she did sneak behind us. Id say we weren't the most strict, and we weren't the least by any stretch.

but... with you living at home, things might be different. It is their home. You might have grown up there, but their rules are to be respected... and someone coming into their home at random hours can be bothersome. I don't impose a curfew, but if I thought one was needed in my home id expect it to be honored.

the best suggestion has been made. Try to have a discussion with your parents that isn't overly emotional. You might be frustrated, but yelling and getting mad isn't the sign of mature behaviour.

you could always call their bluff. You could politely explain that you are responsible and an adult now and you will let them know when you are planning on staying out late so they won't worry.

but... if you call a bluff, they can call their own. Move out and you can have all the space you need. Or stay, but pay rent, if you are going to treat home like an apmt where you can make your own rules.

by the way, I understand staying at home to save money, but if you are staying and you aren't helping with rent or groceries or your auto insurance, etc... you still haven't really stepped into the adult world. Starting to take on some financial burdens shows maturity and respect for your parents. Maybe you have done some of this. Just a thought.

[Lowtax4eva]

I would say they have the right to tell you to be home at a certain hour, it's their house, if you don't like it move out. Im 26 and live on my own and I have a 25 year old friend whose parents still asked him to be home by 1 until recently.