[cdm1972]

My husband and I have been married for 5 months. This is a second marriage for both of us and my question is how do I get my husband to want me sexually more often? I'm in my late 30's and he is in his early 40's. I'm so crazy in love with him and totally attracted to him but he doesn't seem to want me. I keep myself groomed, I tan and have not gained any weight so its not like I'm a hippo. Other men look and compliment me but I only want my husband. I guess I'm looking for advice on what I can do.

[Cat1864]

Best advice I can give you is to talk to him. Communication is always a great place to start.

Remember that he isn't a mind reader any more than you are. Plus many men do not pick up on hints. He may not realize that he isn't paying you any attention. He may be distracted.

I'll caution you that the amount of sex you have should not be used as a measurement of how much he is attracted to you or loves you. There can be a lot of reasons for not having sex as often as you both may want to have it and intimacy can be found in non-sexual ways, too.

How long were you dating and how was your sex life before marriage? Are there any children in the house that might be making him feel self-conscious about expressing sexual desire?

Some things for you to think about and talk over with him: Is he on any medications or does he have any medical issues that might be limiting his desire for sex? Is he stressed or distracted by worries at work, with friends/family or at home? Is he reacting to feeling pressured to have sex when he might be tired or just not up to it?

As for how to turn him on, ask him. Talking about likes and fantasies can as arousing as a new teddy. It may also be that you might be going in the wrong direction if you are trying to anticipate his desires.

Good luck.

[cdm1972]

Thank you for the advice. We dated for a yr before getting married. Our sex life was good about 3 times a week. He isn't on any meds and I have a 15 yr old daughter that lives with us. I'm kind of shy when it comes to innitiating because I'm afraid he will get upset. I know he loves me but I need the intimacy also. He doesn't show a lot of affection and I'm very affectionate. Maybe I should stop being so affectionate and just let it go.

[Cat1864]

He married you knowing that you are affectionate. It may be his nature to not to show affection but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you showing it. Once again it is only something he can tell you.

By talking to him you can find out how to compromise and find what works for both of you.

If you are feeling shy about bringing up the subject, you might try writing down what you are feeling. Try not to sound like you are accusing him of anything. Just be open about needing to talk and find a balance in your relationship. Give it to him when he has time to read it. Be ready to talk when he is. For that matter you can show him this thread if you think it will help.

Why would he get upset about you being honest with him? You are both adjusting to an evolution in your relationship and like finances, housework, etc. this is another aspect that will need discussion and working together.

If you are feeling insecure, take a step back and examine why. Look at it like any obstacle. Some obstacles in our lives seem easy to handle like walking across a room because we have practice at solving the problem. Be open to seeing other ways to handle this one. Talking to him should not feel like jumping off a cliff. If it does, we'll look at ways to turn it into hang gliding or base jumping (parachuting off a cliff or structure instead of out of a plane.)

Try not to let insecurity or fear make you change who you are. Adapting to changes in our lives is one thing. Damaging ourself to make someone else 'happy' is another.

[krissyg2991]

Men also start losing testosterone production and therefore libido around that age. May be something to look into also!