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graceylou · Mar 24, 2012, 03:00 PM

My oldest son is almost 4. He says that he hates me, and he follows it up with the reasoning that I hate him because I spend too much time with the baby. I'm a full time Masters student, I work full time, and we are in the middle of a very large move. He is at the point right now that he won't even talk to me. I make sure though that one day a week is just me and him day. Even if it is a school day. I keep him home and send the baby to daycare and we do whatever he wants, and I tell him all day how amazing he is and what a great big brother he is, and I try my best to make him feel loved. What am I doing wrong? How do I fix this mess?

Wondergirl · Mar 24, 2012, 03:12 PM

Giving your four-year old one day a week won't cut it (as you are finding out). It has to be every day. Figure out ways to interact with him every single day. It doesn't have to be fun and play. Have him help you make his bed or set the table or wash dishes or fold clothes and put them away or make brownies. ("I need your help") Buy a roll or two of Pillsbury refrigerator cookie dough and make sugar cookies and let him carefully sprinkle colored candles on top before they go into the oven. Comment that the baby can't do that stuff; only he can. Read to him, and let him read to you. Make up and tell each other silly stories. Carve out at least an hour a day with him, even if it's in short spurts.

I taught preschool and found four-year-olds to be very agreeable and always willing to help, for the most part.

Can you cut back on classes? For instance, I did mine in three years instead of two. What kind of master's are you headed for?

graceylou · Mar 24, 2012, 03:20 PM

We do those things every day. I get him up and bathe him in the mornings before school and help him get ready and put his laundry in the basket. He helps me get breakfast ready for the family. The one day a week is more of a special day. It's all I can offer him though. I work 6 days a week, and have school at night. Im working on my MBA, I'm only in one class right now, but it requires about 15-20 hours a week of projects and papers and reading. I can't devote all of my time to him, but I do give him as much time as I can. It just seems like I am the only bad guy when it comes down to it, and our relationship is already strained, so its easier for him to run to Grammy and Daddy and tell me he hates me, and then just ignore me. I cry every night over it. He is my first born, and has some serious medical issues. I fought so hard for him the last 3 years to keep him alive, and now it feels like I'm losing him in a whole new way.

Wondergirl · Mar 24, 2012, 03:26 PM

If you are doing that much for him, then let him run to Grammy and Daddy for now, but make sure they are on your side. Once school is finished, things will improve. Can you take online classes for some of the courses? That way at least you will be physically present, which is what he wants to see.