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    Mirinda2012's Avatar
    Mirinda2012 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 18, 2012, 09:29 AM
    Disturbing dreams
    My husband died in an aircrash many years ago and on and off I keep getting dreams that he survived the crash and comes back alive, only I am not able to face him because I remarried. I feel so intensely emotional in my dream that it seems so real and depressing... I love him so much but feel extremely guilty in my dream for not being able to face him and what will happen to my second husband? I can't just dump him like that now that my first husband is back! I have had this dream so many times now and not able to say it to anyone... I know I have to get over it, but just can't. He was my first love and can't get over him.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Mar 18, 2012, 09:47 AM
    At the time he passed away did you have grief counselling? It isn't too late to do this now and may help you move on from that part of your life. There is a time and a place for everything, Mirinda. The counselling will hopefully put things in perspective.

    Yo still need your wonderful memories of your first love, but you are in a different place now and you should focus all of your energy in the present.

    Do you have children ?
    rjmoone's Avatar
    rjmoone Posts: 17, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Mar 18, 2012, 10:02 AM
    First loves begin your world and what happens in them define it. You will always love him. Tragically your love was ripped from you and there was never a living within it, not a long one. It is your heart speaking-wondering but I believe he would want you to be happy and it is okay. Our memories help to sustain us.Love him always, he knew the you of yesterday and the new husband knows the you of today. There is no shame in that, at least that is what I read in your post, that you feel guilty. Don't. Look back and recognize that love for what it was - beauty.
    Mirinda2012's Avatar
    Mirinda2012 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Mar 18, 2012, 10:26 AM
    Thank you rjmoone and tickle... Yes I do have a child from first marriage and I adore my child *sigh* but thank you both for being kind...
    Mirinda2012's Avatar
    Mirinda2012 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Mar 18, 2012, 07:35 PM
    I kept reading your answers again and again. I didn't undergo any counseling but I don't believe in that kind of therapy. I realize I have to move on for my own sake but I think subconsciously I still hold on to my past. I will eventually have to let go.

    "he knew the you of yesterday and the new husband knows the you of today" that is so true. I have changed so much in these years... I am not the same person I was a few years back.

    rjmoone's Avatar
    rjmoone Posts: 17, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Mar 19, 2012, 05:12 AM
    Mirinda2012 for your child, parts must remain alive. However can you tell the stories? However will your child know? That you love and dream from time to time shows how much you loved. That's something to walk tall with. "Hats off to you!"
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Mar 19, 2012, 06:21 AM
    The issue is most people can not "move on by themselves. You need professional counseling. Why do you not believe in something that has helped many people.

    In fact I bet these dreams are effecting your current marriage and you may not even realise it.
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