[outsiderviews1]

My BF has a lot of friends, of whom are women. What makes me feel uneasy is that one of the women that he claims is one of his best friends, he had slept with several times prior to us being together. I am just not comfortable with that & it has caused conflict in our relationship because she's a part of his "crew" of friends. Therefore, if I ever do go out with his friends, she will usually be around, be mentioned amongst his friends, or pop up unexpectedly.

His other women friends are also close friends with her & to be quite honest, I have never felt warm vibes from any of them (he has 1 crew & they're all friends with one another). From the other girls, I'll get a "hello" & that's as far as it goes. The girl that he slept with has actually been rude to me once before, right in front of my BF. When she arrived at the get-to-gether we were attending, she walked right up to him (while I was leaning on him) greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, and disregarded me as If I was invisible. I was looking at her, waiting for her to at least give me eye contact so I could say hello (and this was for HIS sake; otherwise I'm not interested) but she snubbed me. This made me even more upset because of the simple fact that a.) I don't want to associate/be around a girl he's been intimate with, yet I'm trying. b.) he talks about how cool of a person she is & she will always be his friend and c.) how cool is this woman if she has disregarded me on several occasions?

After that small incident, she was even invited to a BBQ that my boyfriend was throwing at his house with family and friends. I was unaware that she was even invited to his house & when she showed, once again, she acted as if I wasn't even there. I felt very disrespected on many levels. Not just by her, but by him also. This caused us to fight later because of his nonchalant attitude about me being upset. Later that night, I received a message from her on FB stating that she doesn't know why she didn't acknowledge me that day, but she's "over" whatever problem we may have & that we should just try to get along since she will always be in his life--signed with a "thank you very much." To me, it came off condescending.

We are adults in our mid-twenties. I've been with my BF for 2.5 years & have known him for 8yrs prior to us going out. I feel like this shouldn't even be an issue to deal with in any relationship. I don't know anyone who's BF has a dear friend that he's slept with & still hangs out with, so it's hard to get advice. Friends and some family that I've confided in about this whole conflict in my relationship think I'm crazy for even putting up with this type of "abuse". I love my BF and he is a loving man that I very much would love to spend my life with, but this is an ongoing problem for me & does not go away.

Recently, he's expressed to me how he hates that I feel the way I do, and how he so bad wants me to be a part of the crew, but I just cannot see this happening, given the circumstances. Additionally, his friends are about going to clubs, partying, drinking every weekend. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this. I'm just past that place in my life & I'm more focused on becoming settled with a career, furthering my education, and hopefully having a family of my own one day. When I'm with my BF, he seems to be as laid back as I am with not much of a desire to go out partying, etc. Although his friends were always out partying, he would only go occasionaly, but recently, he told me this is because he knows it's a problem for me because of who might show up, therfore, he's chosen to not hang out as much to avoid me being upset. A part of me felt guilty when he said that, but then another part of me felt like I shouldn't feel bad, because I have a legitimate reason for my feelings. I would like for him to hang out with his guy friends. I just don't like that his "past" is part of the equation.

What do you all think about this nutty situation! I just don't know who to turn to anymore.

[mmresd]

Maybe it's time to find your own friends? Sometimes, time apart if equally important at time together. When you are alone with your boyfriend have fun, but when you are not how about having some friends of your own to hang out with, just so that you don't have to put up with it anymore. As far as you not being comfortable with him being around her, you are going to have to respect their friendship, and you are also going to have to trust him.

On a personal note... I would say 90% of my friends are females, and 100% of my really good friends are females, if a girlfriend would request for me to end my friendship because at some point in my PAST I was romantically involved with them, I would disregard her request.

[outsiderviews1]

Hey,

I do have my own friends. He just wants me to hang out and be cool with the situation, which I'm not.

Furthurmore, I asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed, and he admitted to feeling uncomfortable if he were in my shoes.

But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the fact that he's not in my situation, so fortunate for him/unfortuate for me.

[mmresd]

As your boyfriend, he should take into consideration your feelings, however he does also owe some loyalty to old friends.

You should tell him that since it makes you uncomfortable, that when he wants to hang out with them, you will find something to do. And do things that YOU wants to do, don't be manipulated into doing something that you don't like.

[talaniman]

I have to tell you that this latest chapter in this relationship makes me wonder if you two are not that compatible.