[Imissmygirl]

So my dad is trying to keep me in Texas but I do not want to live here at all I'm uncomfortable not to add my mom has custody... I'm 14 turn 15 in April and I want to be home can I run away or do I have to stay?

[ballengerb1]

Where does your mom live and why are you with dad at all if mom has custody? Please explain further so we can better advise you

[Imissmygirl]

My mom lives in new Mexico where I normally live and I'm with my dad sometimes durin spring break winter break and stuff like thAt... he's never home all he does is work... all I want is to be back home with my mom my brother and my girlfriend and that's asking too much apparently

[JudyKayTee]

Just so you are aware - the "that's asking to much apparently" language makes you sound remarkably flippant and sarcastic.

I see both sides of this - it's a rough economy. Your father is undoubtedly supporting himself and paying child support (and perhaps spousal support) to your mother. He's trying to survive. What does "never home" and "always working" mean? He works 24/7? Something else?

The answer is - if your father insists on the visitation and it's Court awarded your mother needs to go back to Court and get the Order changed. It's not impossible, and visitation, for example, when you are 12 is not the practical when you are 16. Your father could agree not to exercise his visitation and allow you to go back to NM but I would advise that your parents put that in writing.

It's tough being uprooted from your family and life in NM every so often and sort of shipped off to Texas. I do understand that. What type of visitation would you be happy with - long weekends, visitation when your father is on vacation, something else?

I would decide what is acceptable to me and then approach both parents, calmly, no sarcasm. I'm sure your father's feelings will be hurt - it sounds like he just won't see you if he has no visitation in Texas - but perhaps you can work this out with shorter visits, perhaps more frequently.

[Imissmygirl]

That's the problem I really don't like coming here half the time I no he's my father but this house makes me crazy believe it or not but I would rather my mom just have custody he didn't want to be a big part in my brother and my life until a few years ago and now he's trying to keep me here I can't stand it here it makes me crazy I've had night mares for the last week since I've been here I've thought thoughts I never thought until I got here I need to leave but he says no all the time and yells and doesn't care about what I have to say no matter what my argument is he doesn't care

[JudyKayTee]

Then you have to sit down and have an honest, serious talk with your mother. Maybe she thinks you're being difficult (or something else) but you need to make her understand your unhappiness, why you are unhappy. Maybe your father doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't know what to think or do BUT, depending on your age, your parents need to allow you to have some level of making choices in this matter. If this is all about missing your girlfriend, well, that's one thing, but if you are genuinely unhappy, then you need to ask your mother to get the Order changed. Would shorter visits "work" for you? You can't just cut your father out of your life unless he's a danger to you, and I'm not reading that.

What types of arguments are you losing? Important stuff? Or does he argue about every little thing you say and do?

Have you tried talking to a counsellor at school, sort of stating your case, getting that person involved?

Yes, you really do sound unhappy, and I really do think you need to try to change things. It has to be done, legally, of course. How does your brother feel about spending time with your father?

[Imissmygirl]

He's the complete opposite of me he loves it here... everytime I come here I feel well left out and put down the verbal abuse is I think way does it because it's always get over yourself your stupid useless unneeded ugly retarded and any name in the book and I've never spoken out about this I'm just tired of having the feeling of being down all the time I do miss my girlfriend but I just would like to be home and happy again... U know?

[Wondergirl]

NM is what you consider home where all your friends are, I'll bet. It's hard to make friends in a different place.

Do you attend school while you are in TX? If so, how is that working out?

[JudyKayTee]

He's the complete opposite of me he loves it here...everytime I come here I feel well left out and put down the verbal abuse is I think way does it because it's always get over ur self ur stupid useless unneeded ugly retarded and any name in the book and ive never spoken out about this I'm just tired of having the feeling of being down all the time I do miss my girlfriend but I just would like to be home and happy again... U know?

Yes, I do know and I can read your unhappiness loud and clear. I'm glad you've chosen to share your problem here. Sometimes just getting it out is good, helps you put your thoughts in line, get some other opinons - and, of course, we're all anonymous here so I don't know you and you don't know me.

I'm sure if this is your "part time" home you do feel out of place and left out, particularly when your mom, brother, girlfriend, school and friends are in NM. No problem missing your girlfriend, no problem at all. I'm sure she's someone you can talk to, explain your unhappiness, and now you're in Texas and she's in NM. I thought maybe she was the only reason you want to go back to NM, but now I see I was wrong about that. Sorry - I jumped to a conclusion.

I think you need to tell your mother EXACTLY what is going on - I'd wait until you're back in NM because you don't need to be in Texas, criticizing your father, having your mother telephone him and you're pretty much trapped there.

When do you go back to NM?

And, yes, I'd have a very frank discussion with your mother and, if necessary, a counsellor - perhaps at school.

How is your father with your brother? Sometimes an age difference makes a difference.

I think children with divorced parents are trapped between two sets of rules - his and hers.

Does any of this make sense?

[Imissmygirl]

I just here I feel crazy I feel totally unnormal and it's a change I ain't ready to bring and I feel that being here makes me extremely not myself my brother is 16 and he's a totally different person I'm much more laid back than him and you know I just want to say this I've been thinking some messed up things since I got here I've had night mares since I've been here and every time I'm here this happens they don't understand it and I thank you for listening and for your time

[JudyKayTee]

No need to thank me - we've all hit rough patches in our lives. If you are having serious problems in Texas (and it appears that you are possibly becoming depressed) you need to find someone who will listen to you.

Your mother, another relative, someone else?

How much longer before you go back to NM?

(Really, no need to say thanks. I have 5 stepchldren and know how hard the back and forth was on them. There were problems with their mother's "new" husband.)

[Imissmygirl]

I really have no clue when I'm going back at this point and I do feel like I'm becoming depressed I just can't take it in Texas this is not me my home my family and my life I'm not myself when I'm here at all this place makes me crazy and now that I've spoken about it I realize how it is actually making me... and it's changing me very badly to a person I'm not

[Wondergirl]

Can you think of anything that is GOOD about Texas?

[Imissmygirl]

Really honestly no... because I see the "bright side" those things are not good... they are not things that are good at all cause at this point nothing here has a bright side to it the way I feel when I'm here shouldn't be right for anybody to feel at all I just need to find a way home somehow some way I have to go home... this isn't my home even temporarily

[Wondergirl]

I've heard the pecan pie is to die for! And Texas has a lot of history. (I know because I did a lot of research on the state's history about Indians and missions and trails.)

Whereabouts in the state are you located (just generally, not exactly)? I'll tell you something interesting about that area!

[JudyKayTee]

Really honestly no...because I see the "bright side" those things are not good...they are not things that are good at all cause at this point nothing here has a bright side to it the way I feel when I'm here shouldn't be right for anybody to feel at all I just need to find a way home somehow some way I have to go home...this isn't my home even temporarily

Then I think you're back to trying to get your mother to listen to you OR getting another adult to step in.

I won't tell you about the dangers of running away (you could end up in a juvenile home) or doing anything that might be considered foolish.

Is there another relative you can talk to? I have stepchildren and I am fortunate in that they can ALWAYS talk to me. I hate getting between them and their father, but sometimes I have to. How about Grandparents on your mother's side?

[Imissmygirl]

Holland it's a teene tiny town with nothing to intrestin... can I ask if it's illegal to walk to my moms house because she has custody I just can't stay Here too much longer

[JudyKayTee]

Yes, it's illegal in the sense that you would be running away (or walk away - hoping I can get you to smile, at least a little) from the person who has custody of you at the moment. That, of course, is your father.

If you do leave you can be picked up and held in Police custody and then returned to your father (and I'm sure things will be even worse!), eventually returned to your mother OR your father could request that you be held as a "problem juvenile." That has different legal "titles," according to the State, but I'm sure you understand what I mean.

No, you've got to do this the legal way.

Question is - who can you get on your side? I would take the approach that it isn't that you don't want to spend time with your father (whether you do or not) - it's that you don't want to spend extended stretches with him.

Can you think of anyone who would take your side? Wondergirl and I are on your side, but that isn't much of a help because we are here and you are there.

Anyone you can present this to?

Am I reading this right? The entire population of Holland, Texas is 1,102 people? THAT'S a small town!

[Imissmygirl]

U no I've thought about the adult stepping in and my girlfriends mom found out I was going to try and walk 715 miles to get home she was lik I can't let you do that if your going to I'm going to tell your mom as soon as you step foot out the door... how should I approach my mom and dad with the legal stuff... this is my last option keeping me afloat

[JudyKayTee]

I'm working a case - give me a minute.