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jenniferlpn · Feb 17, 2012, 07:49 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and we both have two kids. Without saying, he has made it very clear that he wants to raise his kids before we live together.

Because my children live with me, he comes to my house when he doesn't have his kids, although I do take my kids over there to see his. I invite him to be a part of my kids life but unless I'm present, and involved, then he really don't have much to do with them.

He has his kids 3/4 days a week, and then I don't see him or them. The only time I see them is if I initiate going over, or suggest going to do something. I have never been alone with his kids, other than him quickly running to the store. His 10year old daughter has a cell phone, and he don't want us to have each others number.

I'm very hurt by this, and we have discussed it. He says he wants us to all be together, but nothing ever changes. I really feel like I need to move on, but I do love him, and them, and we otherwise have a great relationship. I truly don't want to put the kids through a break up. I don't know what to do... any suggestions?

armydan69 · Mar 11, 2012, 05:23 AM

Sounds awfully fishy, either he doesn't have complete trust in you and trust that your relationship is going to go somewhere so he scared about getting his kids attached to you only to have their hearts broken, or something weird is going on.

talaniman · Mar 11, 2012, 12:55 PM

There has to be more to this, and maybe his ex and he have an agreement or something. Protecting his kids from undo influence from anyone other than he and his wife seems the most likely, or he wants to keep peace with the ex is also a guess.

I have known many females who are similar in that they will date, but not let anyone that close while the children are young, to not form attachments to their dates. Maybe he had a traumatic divorce. Not enough facts to know for sure, really. But 4 years should have shown you many reasons he is the way he is.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 11, 2012, 03:31 PM

I will agree, sounds more like his ex is controlling this.

valkman98 · Mar 11, 2012, 07:03 PM

I agree too,the ex is involeved and he doesn't want the noise from her.
I have my kids most of the time,did the live in GF for a time and the ex drama was too much. Ask him if you feel it won't cause too much trouble. If he won't talk about it there maybe something up? Not enough info to say for sure. Good luck. Kids do make relationships hard sometimes.