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Devoted732 · Mar 1, 2007, 07:20 AM

Could someone please shed some light on the subject as to why some men are afraid to use the "love" word? I have a friend that told me that his girlfriend told him she was in love with him and that he doesn't like that word... I didn't know what to tell him so I figured I would come here for some advice! :confused:

shygrneyzs · Mar 1, 2007, 07:56 AM

The word "love" can send some people running for the exit. Love has connotations with it - commitment, building a lasting relationship, possibly marriage, the whole settling down and being serious about the relationship. Love also has the tag on it that speaks of responsibilities. But love itself does not ask for any of that. Love does not come with demands and expectations. People put those qualities to love because people have those ideas or notions wrapped into love.

Does that help?

Devoted732 · Mar 1, 2007, 07:59 AM

Hummm... well do you think that that has something to do with commitment issues.. A guy with commitment issues I would think wouldn't want a serious monogamous relationship with someone..

shygrneyzs · Mar 1, 2007, 08:23 AM

Very true. You hit the nail on the head with that.

moomin007 · Mar 1, 2007, 08:27 AM

It could also be fear of the unknown?
Maybe he's not had a serious relationship before (how old is he?). Perhaps he doesn't know how to react to her?

Just an idea for the pot!

Bluerose · Mar 1, 2007, 09:36 AM

There are lots of reasons. And it isn't just men who struggle with it. I did for a long time. Some people who were abused as children in the name of love struggle with it. People who's parents marriage fell apart often have a problem with it. All kinds of reason.

When most people learn about and really feel love they find it easier to say the word.

Devoted732 · Mar 1, 2007, 09:49 AM

He is 26... he has had a long term relationship that I know of for 6 years with someone. She would always say I love you and he would say "me too" and she would pressure him to say the words. His parents have been divorced... his mother remarried and divorced 3 times but turns out that she is gay. He has a younger sister with a kid and is married. He told her that he feels all the things that she feels but is afraid of that word and stuff... but for her not to worry because he feels the same way.

LBP · Mar 1, 2007, 11:53 AM

Also, the love word invests a lot of emotion into a situation... Emotion that you can't take back. I know I'm in a position where I happily recipricated someone telling me they loved me only to have it explode in my face down the line. What I've learned from that is that love is MUCH more than just a word - it's how you live your life.

Speaking only for myself, I'm not ever saying that word again until I SEE the love... Not just hear about it.

Devoted732 · Mar 1, 2007, 11:57 AM

I agree with what you said LBP... however, I think that falling in love is a little different than actually LOVING someone... I think falling in love is the first stage and Love just develops after time.. Do you think this guy could feel it and just be scared about it? He said that he feels stronger and stronger about her everyday and cares about her more than she thinks.

talaniman · Mar 14, 2007, 05:44 AM

Words are just what you hear and can mean anything you choose. Actions over time speak a lot louder. Actions require work, words can spill out of any fools mouth for whatever reason.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 14, 2007, 06:45 AM

Tal is right. I wanted to comment but could not.

freebird1981 · Mar 14, 2007, 08:55 AM

My partner was hurt badly by his ex, and it took him almost 2 years to say it to me... but in those 2 years he SHOWED it. It took me a long time to realise with communicating with him that he had difficulty saying it, but he showed it all the time, I gave him the time he needed and now he says it off his own back, some things take time and patience

Devoted732 · Mar 14, 2007, 08:57 AM

Yes.. that is true... well unfortunately this guy told me he needed to slow things down. He has commitment issues and that's why I think he hasn't said it. His feelings got too intense and he got too close to me because he can see that I'm good for long term and therefore needed to slow down... I'm giving him the space.

talaniman · Mar 14, 2007, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by Devoted732

Yes.. that is true... well unfortunately this guy told me he needed to slow things down. He has committment issues and that's why I think he hasn't said it. His feelings got too intense and he got too close to me because he can see that I'm good for long term and therefore needed to slow down... I'm giving him the space.

Nobody can tell if your good for the long term without knowing you for more than a couple of months. At least he recognises the need to slow down and save you the pain of a crash and burn.