[Cmcstar]

I have been seeing someone for 9 years. He has a girlfriend whom he lives with. We used to meet up quite regularly until last year when some personal circumstances led me to have to put him off from us meeting for a while. He tells me he loves me and then when I don't say it back he tells me he was only joking etc etc. The other week I got a text from him telling me he does love me and he has always known it. But he knows I do not want a relationship (which I dont). We used to talk to one another almost every day, however over the past few weeks he has stopped talking to me as regularly and he isn't asking me when he can see me next. I am really confused and don't know what to think - I am scared of being "too clingy" as I was once before and it nearly destroyed our relationship but I also don't want to come across as if I don't care about him, because I really do. Do you think I should just leave things and not text him or anything? PLease help!

[odinn7]

So... you're helping him cheat on his live-in girlfriend... you don't want a relationship... he told you he loves you but you can't say it back... and now he has stopped talking to you on a regular basis. Is that right?

Seems to me that he wants more than you're willing to give him and is maybe backing away from you to save himself. You're confused and don't want to look like you don't care for him but you only want sex from him. This is a mess from the start. Maybe just let him go and find someone else?

Of course there's always the possibility that he's only telling you he loves you in hopes that he will get some from you... some guys do that. Though, that's not how I'm reading this.

[mmresd]

I would suggest to forget him, he has a relationship and you need to respect that. You can find sex anywhere.

[talaniman]

Time for a new friend with benefits. 9 years is a long time to be in a rut!

[Jake2008]

It is sad that you find yourself in this situation, and have to wonder what the right thing to do is.

Because he is seriously involved with another woman, whether it be a girlfriend, wife, common law, etc. he should be off limits. To allow him into your life, knowing that you are stabbing another woman in the back, should be, in my opinion, reason enough to stop seeing him.

Think about where this is going, after nine long years- it is going nowhere. You can, and should, step up your expectations and personal standards, and make the effort to date single men only. Your thinking that you need this otherwise cheating man in your life, isn't doing you any good.

Relationships, no matter what they are, break up. In particular, your relationship with him, involved no comittment, promises, or even a future together- right from the get-go.

Try to think of what you need, and want, and deserve in a relationship. Anything is better in my opinion, than what you have now.