[destinyjean]

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months. At first our sex was great,It was happening every day and he would always tell me he couldn't keep his hands off me. Around November our sex slowed down a lot.We were having it maybe twice a week and he always had an excuse as to why he didn't feel like having sex. He had a problem staying hard often times he wouldn't finish. One day when I was on the computer I found he had been looking at a lot of porn, and he had a couple sex profiles that he had made. This really hurt me so I confronted him about it. Of course he lied and told me it was all spam. Later on that week I found out that he had gone to an erotic massage parlor in Palm Springs, and when I checked his phone he had been calling around 3-5 escorts a day. I was very hurt and we ended up breaking up with him. One day he sat me down and told me that he had been doing this for a few years and he was addicted. I did some research and came to the conclusion that he was right. He is a sex addict and a porn addict. We have gone through many talks and he tells me now that he is done with it now and he is doing much better. As much as I want to believe him... I don't. Our sex life still hasn't changed. Last night was Valentines day, during dinner he mentioned his stomach was full and so we shouldn't have sex that night. After we got home I still put my lingerie on and he seemed harldy excited. He had trouble staing hard and said he just had a lot on my mind. I check his phone and his email and I haven't found anything but he knows how to deleate certain history. I don't understand how he can look at prn and jack off fine, but not make love with his girlfriend. He seems to always be looking at other girls, and he is very defensive about everything right now. He got mad at me last night when I told him I thought Jenna Jamenson (a famous porn star) looked ugly in one of her pictures. Please give me some advice, you are the only one I have talked to about this. I have asked him to get professional help and all I get back is, "I can do it myself, I'm a strong minded person. " Last night I found out what is still going on with him. He told me after going limp in the middle of sex, that he masterbates every day. When I asked him what he thinks about when he masterbates, he told me all kinds of different girls... except for me. This really hurt me because he doesn't understand the emotional barrier he has created. I feel like I'm not good enough for him and all those girls that he thinks about are ruining our relationship. Can you please answer one question for me- If he isn't physically attracted to me, if he is willing to ignore me, or treat me like I am almost nothing to him why is he still with me? Why does he fight so hard when I break up with him and tell me he will stop? He must be attracted to me in some way... right?

[Harpangel]

Sounds to me like he keeps you around as back up, and greatly lacks repect for you. I find people get lost in relationships sometimes and forget that they are an individual with a lot to offer. If you feel like you're making too many compromises for him, don't let it go on. If you feel disrespected or betrayed, or questioning whether he will ever change... it's going to be hellish for the rest of your relationship with him. Don't let a man deteriorate yourself esteem, how dare he do so, and either way you will probably always resent him for that. When it comes to addiction, if someone isn't willing to take help in changing, then they're not ready to change. Don't waste your time girl!

[JudyKayTee]

He is the only person who knows if he's attracted to you in some way. He's your boyfriend. Sit him down and ask him.

I'm not sure that his performance problems (and/or anxiety) are not a result of you nagging him about sex. On Valentines Day you said you asked him for sex, he said his stomach was "full" and you "shouldn't" have sex that night, you put on your sexy lingerie anyway, your feelings were hurt when he didn't respond. You asked and he said no. I don't understand why you tried to force the issue - and then were hurt when he did exactly what he said - he didn't want to have sex.

If you ask him to stop doing anything (drinking, watching TV, watching porn, masturbating) that is very important to you and he doesn't stop are you prepared to walk out? You cannot make anyone do anything. You can force the behavior underground (so to speak). If you can't live with him watching porn, then leave.

If you can't live with your diminished sex life, then leave.

If you can live with either or, then stay.

Are you better off with him or without him?

If I were him I would be writing on AMHD, posting that you asked for sex, I said no (not tonight), you tried to force the issue and then you were upset when I failed to perform.