[annabear]

I have been recently dealing with some issues. I've been leading to think that I have some form of depression or some sort of other emotional problems. I am very emotionally unstable and I also think that I have undiagnosed ADD. If there is anybody here that I could possibly talk to/email, that would be great. I have a lot of other information but it's all too complicated to put on here. I know this isn't the best way to get help but I just want to start here. So if you maybe know a lot about mental health or can be somewhat of a therapist for me, I'd like your help. :) Thank you all.

[Wondergirl]

You've come to the right place! Tell us a bit more about where the depression came from and why you think you have ADD. (That's a lot on your plate already!)

[annabear]

(srry I can't reply to a answer from my phone for some reason) but I think I have some sort of depression (specifically, atypical depression) because I've looked at all the symptoms for it and I match it pretty well. But even if it isn't atypical depression, I strongly do believe I do have some depression... either that or I'm just very emotionally unstable. And I think I have ADD because I honestly can't even pay attention for more than 2 minutes and I do have a lot of stress in my life (and I know that's a big cause for ADD) and all the stress is causing me heart pains/my heart is skipping a beat and it hurts. At night, I cry almost every day, I shake, I think about dying sometimes (like I want to die) and I feel like everybody hates me at times (even god) because I'm bisexual (but I'm not open about it) and I have these little panic attacks when I'm alone. With all this, I also think I have a little bit of anger management. If I'm not feeling like myself and somebody interrupts me when I'm alone or if they even try to talk to me, I feel my blood pressure raising and I want to punch my wall or just scream or yell. But in general, I usually am thinking bad thoughts. I don't know what this means...

[Wondergirl]

Is there a real-life counselor you can visit for a few sessions? One major thing you need to do is get comfortable with who you are.

[annabear]

To be honest, I'm sort of afraid to see a counselor. Because, I have trust issues and I don't want to share my issues with strangers. Second, if people find out I'm seeing a counselor, they will think I'm some sort of freak. And I haven't even told my parents ANY of my issues. We don't really talk... And also, I feel pretty sure about who I am. I've figured that out already and that's the one thing I'm sure of. Everything else I feel so confused about. (everything meaning: my issues, not my sexual orientation)

[Wondergirl]

Everybody in the world has seen a counselor some time or other. Around here, they brag about it and compare counselors ("mine is better than yours ha ha").

And a counselor wouldn't jump right into forcing you to confide in him (or her). First, there's a getting-to-know-each-other period. Your trust grows or it doesn't. If you aren't happy, you quit and look for someone else you can connect with. It's like shopping for a prom gown.

[annabear]

I understand what you are saying. But for me to see a counselor at my age discussing issues like mine, isn't all that normal... I really don't think a young teenager should be having all this going on and you know how people are, they are just judgmental and I don't want to ruin any sort of social status of mine just because I'm seeing a counselor. BUT I am considering a counselor. I just wasn't 100% sure about it but I probably am. And I'm also afraid of the counselor asking me too many questions or something... because it might start to get me stressed and I'd burst out in anger. Also, I'm just saying, if I can't even tell my own mother about it, I don't know if I'd be able to tell a counselor. But right now, I'm just talking to my close friends about it. They are the only people I trust now.

*in addition to my other issues, I've also had these terrible reoccurring nightmares about me being hated by everybody I know, my family dying, and about this one girl at school (that I honestly hate) because she bullied me and she's the reason I'm emotionally screwed up. And she thinks it's funny. So I had a dream that I killed her and I felt so good (but yet, I also felt like a terrible person for murdering) like, all these weights were lifted off my shoulders. But when I woke up and realized it was a dream, I actually felt so angry and I'm confused about it. Does this make me some sort of an evil person?

[Wondergirl]

I understand what you are saying. But for me to see a counselor at my age discussing issues like mine, isn't all that normal.

Who said? I've counseled kids as young as four.

.. I really don't think a young teenager should be having all this going on

So you think young teens just slide happily through life? Young teens make up a HUGE part of counselors' client list. There are counselors who do nothing except work with young teens.

and you know how people are, they are just judgmental and I don't want to ruin any sort of social status of mine just because I'm seeing a counselor.

Who's going to know? And I didn't realize counselors were a low status thing.

And I'm also afraid of the counselor asking me too many questions or something

That's not how counseling works.

... because it might start to get me stressed and I'd burst out in anger.

I doubt very much that will happen. You have no idea what a counselor does.

Also, I'm just saying, if I can't even tell my own mother about it, I don't know if I'd be able to tell a counselor.

There is absolutely no comparison.

But right now, I'm just talking to my close friends about it. They are the only people I trust now.

And they have no clue how to help you.

Does this make me some sort of an evil person?

No.