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ez2bamy · Mar 5, 2012, 06:00 AM

When my boyfriend of 3 months and I got back together, he confessed to taking his ex-girlfriend on a short motorcycle ride right after he broke it off with me. I was upset, but less bothered when I found out they were only together for 2 months, and had hung out as friends in the 6 month period before he met me. When he took her out, they didn't kiss or have sex.

So we have been back together for about 2 weeks now and things have been going pretty damn good.

Until tonight.

I left his house earlier to go home and he wanted me to stay. After I left, he texted me saying he missed me. He sent me a few texts after that. About 2 hours after I left, he called me in a drunken stupor, telling me he was lonely, asking me to come back, etc. When I told him that I couldn't, he asked me if I would be okay with him calling someone else to come over.

I was so shocked and pissed off, and hung up on him when he called me back several times.

He was giving me a hard time about hanging out with guys I've slept with, going on and on, trying to justify his side. I don't hang out with guys I've slept with. He was really upsetting me and I kept hanging up on him.

He kept saying he wanted me, to which I said, "yeah, but someone else will do too, right?"

I'm so hurt. I know he was hammered, but damn it, I feel so disappointed and sad. ****ing alcohol. What an idiot.

Any input/advice would be appreciated.

Thank you

imkelsybabey · Mar 5, 2012, 12:54 PM

I definitely understand where you're coming from, but hanging up on him seems to have made the situation worse. He was drunk, calling you to come over instead of someone else wasn't he? Think about that, because next time he might call another girl, and you'll regret not answering..

odinn7 · Mar 5, 2012, 01:01 PM

He's an idiot. Being drunk is no excuse to do what he did. If you ask me, it looks like all he wants you for is sex. Asking if he could have someone else over instead is just plain disrespectful to you.

3 months only? You are better off not wasting any more time with this guy. Tell him he can call someone else because you're done with him. If he has done this within 3 months of you two going out, and you've already broken up once, think about where this is all going. Do you really want to invest more time in a loser like him? Of course you don't.

Wondergirl · Mar 5, 2012, 01:03 PM

If he gets hammered so readily once you leave and can't be around when he wants you to be, what will the excuse be the next time he uses alcohol (and an ex) as a band-aid or to fill his emotional holes?

Can't he be left alone?

talaniman · Mar 5, 2012, 11:45 PM

You should never listen to a drunk, or give in to his drunk wishes. But you better take note of this kind of behavior and protect yourself from his demons. Tell him you have no time for his drunk a$$, and refuse to be dragged down by him.

Dump him, and get a healthy boyfriend if you want a healthy relationship.

Jake2008 · Mar 7, 2012, 06:18 AM

He was sober enough to pick up his phone, dial the number, and talk to you. What came out of his mouth may have been slurred and drunken, but, he clearly got his message across on his own. Then not getting the answer he wanted, was able to call you back over and over.

I don't think you can blame the alcohol here. Unless there is a problem with alcohol, in which case, that's another chunk of information that would be helpful to know.

It sounds to me like he needed an excuse, or your permission, to call someone over, who may or may not have been his ex girlfriend.

The subject line of your post is, "I shouldn't have gone home", and why is that. Had you stayed over, you may not have had that awkward request from him, but, my guess is the subject would have come up in one way or the other anyway. If he is determined to have his 'friend' over, it will happen.

Go slowly with this one. Seems to me he doesn't know what he wants.

ez2bamy · Jul 5, 2012, 06:55 AM

I met my boyfriend Dave on 11/11/2011. In the seven months we've known each other, he has dumped me three times, for various reasons. The reasons were basically that I wasn't meeting his standards in one way or another.

The last time he ended it, so did I. I moved on a didn't look back. It took a noticeable change from him to convince me that he really wanted to be with me and that he realized what he had lost. Back together, things are different than before. He seems to take our relationship more seriously and gives me reasons to think that he is in love with me.

One of the times we were split up, he took his ex-girlfriend out for a ride on his Harley.(a 3 month relationship that he ended) When he got back together with me, he told me about it, saying that he didn't want there to be anything that was between us. He said that they didn't kiss or have sex, mainly because she was aware of the very recent split-up of he and I, and "isn't that kind of girl". I have always had the impression that this ex still has feelings for him, and really wants to be with him again. He told me that if he and I weren't together, he and her would be together. It bothers me that he has someone that still holds a torch for him, waiting for him to be single again.

So were back together, on a more serious note. A few days ago, we were hanging out on my bed after we woke up and he gets a phonecall. He looked at the screen, ignored the call, and went back to playing around with me in bed.

He continued with his plans for the day and went to his Mom's (who lives near me) and came back later that evening. When he took a shower, I had a strange feeling and checked his phone. Appearantly, the call he ignored was that ex-girlfriend. I also saw that he called her back once he was at his Mom's. They talked for six minutes.

When I confronted him, he told me that she has a boyfriend and she was really just calling him to ask him to work on her car as she is in a financial crisis right now and needs his help. He said that he told her that he was busy lately so to call him after the 4th of July. (about 4-5 days in the future at the time)

I asked him why in the hell didn't she have HER boyfriend fix HER car. He said he didn't know. He also admitted that he didn't mention the fact that him and I were back together.

He told me that he didn't say no because she put him on the spot. He also said that he was trying to find a time to tell me they talked once he got back to my house. He tells me that he doesn't care about her. The next morning it came up when we woke up. He texted her right in front of me saying,

"I'm not going to be able to work on your brakes. My girlfriend and I got back together and this would cause problems between us."

She replied,
"I understand"

Then a few minutes later she texted again with,
"Hopefully, you two will have better luck than I did." (I say, yeah, nice try but it's time to move on now)

When I asked my Boyfriend what city she lives in, he lied to me.

My problem is obvious... or is it possible I'm overreacting? He told me he wouldn't have contact with her the last time we got back together after their little bike ride (where she wore my helmet).

I'm beginning to wonder again if this man that I've only known for 8 months is worth all of the sadness he's caused me.

What do you think about this situation? Should I be concerned, suspicious,. gone? I do really love him but that isn't everything, I've learned.

JudyKayTee · Jul 5, 2012, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by ez2bamy

I met my boyfriend Dave on 11/11/2011. In the seven months we've known eachother, he has dumped me three times, for various reasons. The reasons were basically that I wasn't meeting his standards in one way or another.

The last time he ended it, so did I. I moved on a didn't look back. It took a noticible change from him to convince me that he really wanted to be with me and that he realized what he had lost. Back together, things are different than before. He seems to take our relationship more seriously and gives me reasons to think that he is in love with me.

One of the times we were split up, he took his ex-girlfriend out for a ride on his Harley.(a 3 month relationship that he ended) When he got back together with me, he told me about it, saying that he didn't want there to be anything that was between us. He said that they didn't kiss or have sex, mainly because she was aware of the very recent split-up of he and I, and "isn't that kind of girl". I have always had the impression that this ex still has feelings for him, and really wants to be with him again. He told me that if he and I weren't together, he and her would be together. It bothers me that he has someone that still holds a torch for him, waiting for him to be single again.

So were back together, on a more serious note. A few days ago, we were hanging out on my bed after we woke up and he gets a phonecall. He looked at the screen, ignored the call, and went back to playing around with me in bed.

He continued with his plans for the day and went to his Mom's (who lives near me) and came back later that evening. When he took a shower, I had a strange feeling and checked his phone. Appearantly, the call he ignored was that ex-girlfriend. I also saw that he called her back once he was at his Mom's. They talked for six minutes.

When I confronted him, he told me that she has a boyfriend and she was really just calling him to ask him to work on her car as she is in a financial crisis right now and needs his help. He said that he told her that he was busy lately so to call him after the 4th of July. (about 4-5 days in the future at the time)

I asked him why in the hell didn't she have HER boyfriend fix HER car. He said he didn't know. He also admitted that he didn't mention the fact that him and I were back together.

He told me that he didn't say no because she put him on the spot. He also said that he was trying to find a time to tell me they talked once he got back to my house. He tells me that he doesn't care about her. The next morning it came up when we woke up. He texted her right in front of me saying,

"I'm not going to be able to work on your brakes. My girlfriend and I got back together and this would cause problems between us."

She replied,
"I understand"

Then a few minutes later she texted again with,
"Hopefully, you two will have better luck than I did." (I say, yeah, nice try but it's time to move on now)

When I asked my Boyfriend what city she lives in, he lied to me.

My problem is obvious... or is it possible I'm overreacting? He told me he wouldn't have contact with her the last time we got back together after their little bike ride (where she wore my helmet).

I'm beginning to wonder again if this man that I've only known for 8 months is worth all of the sadness he's caused me.

What do you think about this situation? Should I be concerned, suspicious,... gone? I do really love him but that isn't everything, I've learned.

I'm sorry but this is just too long to sort through.

From what I can tell he has broken off your relationship, blaming failures on your part.

He lies to you - constantly.

You are bothered by the other woman waiting in the wings - you have no control over that. Presumably he does.

You don't sound happy - I wouldn't stay.

ez2bamy · Jul 5, 2012, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm sorry but this is just too long to sort through.

From what I can tell he has broken off your relationship, blaming failures on your part.

He lies to you - constantly.

You are bothered by the other woman waiting in the wings - you have no control over that. Presumably he does.

You don't sound happy - I wouldn't stay.

Close, but if you want to give an opinion, you should know the story. I guess I'll have to shorten it, just in case everyone else is on here just as impatient.

JudyKayTee · Jul 5, 2012, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by ez2bamy

Close, but if you want to give an opinion, you should know the story. I guess I'll have to shorten it, just in case everyone else is on here just as impatient.

This is a totally unneessary post - much of what you posted (and, yes, now I've read it) is immaterial. This isn't a blog. Some of "us" have posted thousands of time. We know how to get to the heart of the matter. It's not impatience - it's knowing we need to know.

I know you're upset and so all of the details are important to you - but they don't matter when it comes to "what should I do," a question asked of strangers.

And I'll add something else - why are YOU trying to make "it" work when he is not?

Once suspicion, grave suspicion, enters a relationship all security is gone and in my eyes it's time to move on. You're snooping on his phone - trust is gone.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2012, 06:45 PM

Your problem is you are with a guy who still has his ex in his life and that scares you. I'd be afraid too if I got dumped 3 times and he drunkenly had threatened to get another women. Either you get the honest communications going, and air your fears and reach a solution, or remove yourself from his life permanently.

You guys will never make a year at this rate, and a relationship based in fear, and no trust is doomed without communications.

Frankly, I fail to see how this will work with these many problems exist so early. I mean getting dumped once would be enough for me. Maybe you got with him to fast, and I hope you don't live together yet!