[Illmatic1]

I was with my ex-girlfriend for 20 months. About a month into the relationship, after spending a lot of time together, she asked if I was involved with anyone else (dating, sexually, hanging out with, etc). I stated no. I knew better then to ask her the same question because I knew I didn't want to know. I knew better then to ask about her past because I would allow it to effect our relationship. Curiosity got the best of me and I eventually asked her the same question, are you involved with anyone else other then me. She stated no, at first, which made me feel really good. However, she immediately followed that up by stating that she had an "arrangement" with someone. My heart immediately sank in to my stomach. I was devastated because I had already started to have strong feelings for this girl.

This was the beginning of our ending. She went on to explain that her and this guy would hook up sexually if neither one were dating someone. I went on to ask her why she didn't just date this guy and she stated that he was only in this country part of the year and went home to Trinidad the other part of the year and couldn't trust that he wasn't involved with other women over there. I was crushed. Here is a girl that I was falling for and she had a back up, f#@k buddy, for when she wasn't dating anyone. A week later, I told her that I would have an issue with this if we were to get serious. She tried to play it down like it wasn't a big deal and that he meant nothing to her. My response was, you still have contact with him though and he you. If you hooked up with after your last ex, you would do the same after me. I told her that I could not have that hanging over me in a relationship and that she shouldn't have told me about him.

Long story short, I could never let what she told go. She stated that she deleted his number, had no other way to contact him, and she eventually changed her number so he couldn't call her. This was never enough for me. I tried to explain to her that they established an "arrangement" and it was never broken. If she hooked up with him after her last ex, she would do the same if we were to break up. That didn't seem fair to me and overshadowed what we tried to establish. Four months in to the relationship, she told me about another guy that she was sexing before she met me and how he was just for sexy. My heart was constantly being stepped on. I had this girl on a pedestal and was finding more and more things out about her that I couldn't take.

Basically, four months in, strong feelings on both ends, and I was dealing with a female that goes against everything I believe as far as wife material. I tried to let it go, but never could. So many other things happened on top of this (no cheating that I know of), I could never let the negative thoughts go. Any opinions or comments?

[talaniman]

So let her and find a real love, and be accepted for who she is. If you can't deal with it, then leave, and set her free of your issues.

[DoulaLC]

If her choice in lifestyle goes against what you believe to be wife material, then let her go. Better to end it now than to have even deeper feelings grow and be constantly wondering about the "what ifs".

In time you will find someone who is better suited to your expectations.