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mekko · Mar 2, 2012, 10:32 AM

I have a question. Me and my ex girlfriend were best friends for 4 and a half years and have dated for 2 and a half years. Her parents split up when we were dating and both moved away and I was the only one there for her. As she was only 18 when this happened, I acted has her parent, boyfriend, and best friend. Lets just say I put a lot of time in making her feel like she was loved and she told me many times she is so thankful she has me in her life to deal with such a difficult time. Over the last couple months she started a whole new program at school and made brand new friends. All of a sudden she wants to go the bar every night because that is what her friends are doing. She spends every day with these new girls and she feels like she needs to experience the bar with them while she is still young. We still spent a lot of time together and she still showed the same affection for me she always has. She had a crush on me all through high school and we finally dated when she graduated so I know she loves me more then anything in the world and tells me all the time. Over the last week she said she feels so guilty going to the bar all the time while we are together but needs to experience it while she is only 20. I have accepted and gave her complete space. No contact. I think she will come around and realize partying is just a phase and gets old and want to be back in a relationship. Am I doing the right thing?

DogEatDog101 · Mar 2, 2012, 08:56 PM

Well for me personally I view this as an insecure lady. I come from a family of drug addicts and party holics. My sister bullied me for basically having no Friends I am a god person anybody will tell you that but as a kid and teenager I couldn't stand kids who were compelled to go partying and getting sexed and drugged up in the name of friendship.I chose not to because it not only appalled me but I had no interest what so ever I openly have my own flaws and could care less what people say about them your girlfriend sounds like those kids back than.no age is a good age to be at an unhealthy level of partying expessially if it excludes you from her all the time everyone needs time apart but if it's all the time sit down have a down to earth heart filled talk if she feels bad she's truly only doing it because he cool friends are. It's not a phase a phase is self indulged not concerning what her friends are doing or experiencing. She sounds like a food person and will come around just let her know however this behavior makes you feel. All will be well.

Alty · Mar 2, 2012, 09:31 PM

She's young, and she wants to be young.

I'm a bit confused by your post. You stated that she is your ex girlfriend. Did she break up with you, or are you just giving her the silent treatment because you can't accept this new stage in her young life?

mekko · Mar 3, 2012, 03:20 AM

Alty, in response to your answer, we fought for about a month about her partying and going out to the bar every weekend. One day she found out her dog was going to die right away and she was really upset but was acting unusually weird about it. I got her to tell me what was really up and she said she felt like she was to young and wanted to party with her friends. But it was almost one of those things that she let get out of hand because then I said well is this a break up or a break and she had the most scared look on her face and had no idea what to say. I stopped talking at that point and she sat there and was crying and was saying my name, looking for me to say something to figure things out but I just sat in silence. All I said is that she can have her complete space. We haven't talked in 6 days.

BONNIENoClyde · Mar 3, 2012, 05:16 PM

Yes you give her space if you want someone to start caring for you more and for then to wake up and pay attention them you care less and she will care more

Alty · Mar 4, 2012, 01:08 AM

Originally Posted by mekko

Alty, in response to your answer, we fought for about a month about her partying and going out to the bar every weekend. One day she found out her dog was going to die right away and she was really upset but was acting unusually weird about it. I got her to tell me what was really up and she said she felt like she was to young and wanted to party with her friends. But it was almost one of those things that she let get out of hand because then I said well is this a break up or a break and she had the most scared look on her face and had no idea what to say. I stopped talking at that point and she sat there and was crying and was saying my name, looking for me to say something to figure things out but I just sat in silence. All i said is that she can have her complete space. We haven't talked in 6 days.

Something was lost in your post, or I'm misreading it? What does her dog dying have to do with her wanting to act her age, going out to party? Did I miss something about the dog? Was the dog the catalyst to this behavior?

I'm sure she's torn. She's young, she wants to go out and have fun, and you don't want her to. You want her to obey you, do what you want and what you say. Or am I reading that wrong as well?

The question is, is she just being young, which I think she is, or are you trying to manipulate her, force her to be what you want?

That's something only you can answer, and I'm sure you won't agree with what I said.

Alty · Mar 4, 2012, 01:22 AM

I acted has her parent, boyfriend, and best friend.

I think that this part of your original post says it all. You acted as her parent, and you seem to think that because you did, you have the right to tell her how to behave. So you're either parent, or her boyfriend, but you can't be both.